Idyllic_Scribe I have posted comments on certain paragraphs on certain chapters. I don't really see them as negative. Perhaps, others might that you may be compelled to edit them. But what I notice is that you shortened the very long paragraphs when I first read it. Also, there are parts in paragraphs that you may have to separate/splice, hehehe. It's up to you though.
And regarding characters, Bai Yihan is interesting. I haven't really quite figured out his personality.