Selene97
I see. That's not what it's supposed to sound like.
I'll see what I can do about it.
Rate the Blurb
Prologue or not.
Yeah, sounds like it belongs in another thread. :sweat_smile:
Good luck fixing the synopsis.
Alright, Selene97 and Dark_Scholars
How about this one:
**
The divines have abandoned the world of Kovia. The era known as the Long Silence is entering its 8th Century. Wars are rife. The chosen of the forces of nature and magic are occupied fighting each other, and amongst themselves.
Lithian is an orphaned child, advised by a mysterious voice during his Rite that his past is not past. With the shadow of his past always looming over his shoulder, Lithian is embroiled in the never-ending wars of the nations of the world.
All the while, a sinister threat has been slumbering in the far-east. And it will soon awaken from its rest...
**
100% would like to join this discussion after I get back from editing a chapter in about 45 minutes or so... In the meantime, I'll drop mine here. I get the feeling it's quite long, which is likely problematic, but the specifics given really only cover a third of the story--if even that much (minus the hints in the two last paragraphs about the plots that start in Volume 2). The advice in this thread seems very productive overall, and I'd like to see what y'all have to say.
Ophelia Heide couldn't wait to become a new advisor for the Moon Castle and take her father's place!
Well...
That was until she ran into Leo, a fairy who protected both the Sun and Moon Kingdoms (collectively known as the Galaxy Kingdom). As a way to pay off her debt after being saved from the crossfire of a fight (and due to some unfortunate timing), she was stuck with the task of reuniting the two sides after husbands Moon King Inei and Sun King Hikaru had a war over... something. They were petty and unpredictable like that.
Not knowing where to start, she accidentally found her heart captured by the couple's daughter, Princess Koharu--a bubbly and kind girl with a lingering secret that she shared with her brother, Prince Akiyoshi. Visiting the Sun Kingdom during the night turned from a bothersome byproduct of the war into a treat with someone to anticipate every evening. However, Ophelia unlocked a whole new set of issues by taking that chance at romance, and the two flirted with the boundaries of time and history to fight for their love when an accident triggered a long-standing curse.
Unfortunately, things weren't easy for Leo either as he worked with the castle staff to save Ophelia and Koharu, unlocking the secrets of Inei's administration in the process. What he didn't expect was to find himself falling for a mysterious person throughout it all, but would his heart allow them to come in?
Not to mention, a series of violent dreams filling Sinclair's nights complicated the situation even further as their past came to light...
Here's mine :)
Wraiths are genetically altered people who possess special abilities. However, ability doesn't always mean power: more often than not, it just makes you a target. This is especially true for Matthew, who might just be one of the most powerful wraiths in the world - and therefore, has to hide his power and use cunning in order to survive. And then there is that girl who wants him to join her rock band...
This novel is about a young man with superpowers, but it is not about superheroes. In the world of the novel, the more power you have, the more danger you are in. The protagonist is a survivor who pursues a normal life, not a hero. Although there is action, the focus of the novel is on his emotions and relationships, and most situations are solved with thinking rather than fighting. It is also on the darker side, but not without lighthearted moments and humor. If this is your cup of tea, I hope you will enjoy the novel!
dreamver2 It is indeed a bit too long :) More than that, it is very information-dense, which us not necessary. The purpose of the synopsis in this context is to hook the reader, not retell the story. I would remove details like names an so on and leave only the short description of the meatiest parts of the story, with the first 2-3 sentences giving the overall gist and the next ones expanding on it. Overall, I would rate thus synopsis 6/10 :)
dreamver2
Too long, definitely. Too many characters being introduced in the synopsis is generally a bad idea. Try to stick to the main character(s) and the villain (depends on the story).
I'd say you're being a bit too detailed with the explanation. Too many hooks will just make the reader feel overwhelmed, which is what I personally feel from this. Too many things are happening one after the other. Now I will elaborate a little on these points:
Too Detailed
Do we need to know she's kind and bubbly in the synopsis? I don't think so.
Ask yourself if everything in this synopsis is something that the reader would want to know before reading. Don't feel like you have to include the entire premise of the book.
Too Many Events
You start with her being excited about working for the Moon Castle, then she encounters a fairy, gets caught in the crossfire of a fight and saved by said fairy, gets the task of uniting the two sides, falls in love with the princess, gets into a whole new mess of problems that include an ancient curse.
On the other hand, Leo is trying to save them, unraveling secrets and falling in love at the same time.
And who the heck is Sinclair?
Guiltythree
I already mentioned how much I liked this synopsis in the other thread. For you, I'd give the advice of format and indentation.
The last line of the first paragraph should be its own paragraph.
Separate the two existing paragraphs with "***" to show that the first is the synopsis and the second includes your thoughts.
dreamver2 4/10. As everyone said, it is too long. If it contains just the first paragraph and the "Well.." or "But.." I could not finish reading, lazy me already found it tiring.
@Dark_Scholars
What's your book's name? I wanna check it out when i have the time.
Incursio_07 Slightly better. 7/10
What do you think of this as intro, "The World of Kovia have been abandoned. The Silence era continues.."
The last sentence, "And it will soon awaken" sends more shiver without adding the rest.
This is better than the last, so continuing editing. The next would surely be better
- Edited
Incursio_07
Nevermind. Think I had a stroke or something. lol
Already have it in my library.
Dark_Scholars
I get the first suggestion, but removing the rest kind of makes it a bit meaningless, no?
I mean, I know the question of what it is, works as a hook but still.
Guiltythree 8/10 Sound so interesting especially if you read it without adding the second paragraph. The first have already told us everything so you don't need to add the second or you can make it much much more shorter. Do as you will.
However as a lover if low-key protagonist, I want to break the rule and ask you the name of the book.
Incursio_07 your last sentence. I am eating, don't..
Incursio_07 
. I don't want them to ban this thread. I just know it starts with an article, "Elusive" and ends with "Book keeper"
Dark_Scholars
You can reply to people asking for your book's link or name. It says so in the pinned thread.
Dark_Scholars
The world of Kovia has been abandoned. The era of The Long Silence continues, and wars are rife. The chosen of the forces of nature and magic are occupied fighting each other, and amongst themselves.
Lithian is an orphaned child, advised by a mysterious voice during his Rite that his past is not past. With the shadow of his past always looming over his shoulder, Lithian is embroiled in the never-ending wars of the nations of the world.
All the while, a sinister threat has been slumbering in the far-east. And it will soon awaken...
This what you meant?
Incursio_07 I meant the sentence, "and it will soon awaken from its rest". Removing the " from its rest" and leaving it as "and it will soon awaken."
Dark_Scholars
Wait a minute, these are two different novels...
I'm dying.