Guiltythree 8/10 Sound so interesting especially if you read it without adding the second paragraph. The first have already told us everything so you don't need to add the second or you can make it much much more shorter. Do as you will.
However as a lover if low-key protagonist, I want to break the rule and ask you the name of the book.
Rate the Blurb
Incursio_07 your last sentence. I am eating, don't..
Incursio_07 
. I don't want them to ban this thread. I just know it starts with an article, "Elusive" and ends with "Book keeper"
Dark_Scholars
You can reply to people asking for your book's link or name. It says so in the pinned thread.
Dark_Scholars
The world of Kovia has been abandoned. The era of The Long Silence continues, and wars are rife. The chosen of the forces of nature and magic are occupied fighting each other, and amongst themselves.
Lithian is an orphaned child, advised by a mysterious voice during his Rite that his past is not past. With the shadow of his past always looming over his shoulder, Lithian is embroiled in the never-ending wars of the nations of the world.
All the while, a sinister threat has been slumbering in the far-east. And it will soon awaken...
This what you meant?
Incursio_07 I meant the sentence, "and it will soon awaken from its rest". Removing the " from its rest" and leaving it as "and it will soon awaken."
Dark_Scholars
Wait a minute, these are two different novels...
I'm dying.
Incursio_07 Yes. 8/10 but 
I might be getting biased. Let's leave it to others to rate.
Incursio_07 
Didnt know.
Better.
Though
his past is not past.
I assume you mean his past is back to haunt him?
Why not use something like: "he's not done with his past" "His past will always haunt him"
Or if you really insisting on this phrase. How about: "His past has not past"
Just a suggestion, you do you of course :grin:
Guiltythree
Incursio_07
Dark_Scholars
dreamver2 (adding myself just to jump between replies lol)
Firstly, I should say thank you to all of you for taking a few minutes to give good advice! (You can imagine there's a string of very appreciative smiling emojis here, but I don't have my phone out to make that happen so... magic.)
Taking a quick break from editing as this makes me realize I should probably (heavily) fix this synopsis before attempting to update if I want anyone to actually click it while it's actually visible for people... Heh. I agree with everything said, and this is definitely a WIP. It's going to have to be an MCs route as there's not a clear villain. (And to include the villain would be to have that ugly cast list thing that's currently there...)
Ah, the predicament with Sinclair is that they could be considered the most important character to the plot and the 2nd MC's (Leo's) love interest... Alas, I realize that's a super awkward way to include them at the end! Plus, the fact Incursio_07 dedicated 4 bullet points to something (which wouldn't be obvious without reading the story) that only takes up the first chapter also jumps out as a red flag for me.
With the suggestions made (as much as I can think of currently):
Ophelia Heide couldn't wait to become a new advisor for the Moon Castle and take her father's place! Well...
That was until she was saved by Leo, a fairy who protected the Galaxy Kingdom. To pay off her debt to him, she was stuck with the task of reuniting the two sides after the capricious kings had a war over... something. Not knowing where to start, she accidentally found her heart captured by the couple's daughter, Princess Koharu, but neither girl ever thought they would flirt with the boundaries of time and history to fight for their love.
Unfortunately, things weren't easy for Leo either as he worked to save the couple, unlocking the secrets of the kingdoms' administrations in the process. What he didn't expect was to find himself falling for an elusive messenger named Sinclair throughout it all, but would his heart allow them to come in?
Take #2: Thoughts?
dreamver2
Much better than the first.
Wait wait wait. The two KINGS have a daughter? Adopted? Also, how tf did I not notice this before?
I agree with dark scholar here, the first paragraph is plenty.
Though, I add notes after the synopsis (using the synopsis to add notes about my work), maybe you should put it in a separate notes section?
Just my opinion though, you do you.
- Edited
Worked a little on mine. Tell me if it's better or worse.
*
How far will you be willing to go for the sake of survival?
How much power do you need before you feel safe and free?
How far will you be willing to go for the sake of power?
Is power a goal? Or a mean to an end?
Born to minor nobility, Marisha’s town was raided in a war, she was taken and sold to slavery at the Sapphire tower, home to some of the most powerful mages on Lukam.
From here on she'll face the darkest sides humanity has to offer as she climbs the slippery steps of the path to power.
Alone in the harsh world ruled by magicians, Marisha aims to be at the top of the food chain.
Her life taught her that as long as she lacks power, she can’t ensure her own safety, nor find her way back to her family. She’ll struggle to survive and gain power while doing her utmost to keep her morals and values. But at some point, she’ll have to choose between death with pride, or a life of guilt.
This is a story of someone who aims to reach the top from the very bottom, while dealing with moral dilemmas and impossible choices on the way.
Freedom is the idea that you have every path available to you.
But to achieve freedom you only have one path; the path to power.
Rakisha, mother of all demons.
Incursio_07 Again, thanks so much for advice! :D
All of that is, in fact, correct~! (I've noticed that bit flies under the radar even if I put it on a billboard tbh... lol.)
Dark_Scholars It's called "Free Fall (Pyramid of Gold)". As for your suggestion of removing the second part - I've thought about it. It would certainly be more catchy, I think. But I'm afraid to give the readers a false impression that the book is about a superman-like MC who fights an endless procession of superpowered villains, as opposed to a story about a young man who is forced to hide his identity, carefully navigate the hostile world and also try to make music with the girl he likes.
I'm not sure if the shorter synopsis would really be that misleading, though.
Guiltythree
You don't have to remove it if you don't want to.
Just make it clear that these are your thoughts, like I said in my previous reply.
Selene97
Better I think. I would say remove the line "From here on ... path to power". It adds nothing new because all of it is expressed through the rest of the text.
Other than that, it would be even better if it was shorter, but this is pretty good.