HeziTheGreat

Friendly tip: You can divide that paragraph into two or three.
Like the second paragraph can start onto the 'My Grandfather..." followed by the third starting on the word 'Before...'. You can also try paragraph making by starting separating each of them after 6 or 7 sentences or phrases and then start a new one. Thank you.

    HeziTheGreat Your story also has a super 'formal' feel/type of language/tense that may probably turn off your readers (especially if your target readers are teenagers) might found this intimidating to read.

      Sunus_Writes

      Friendly tip: You can divide those LONG paragraphs into two or three.

      You can also try paragraph making by starting separating each of them after 6 or 7 sentences or phrases and then start a new one. I honestly got lost on those dialogue part on where I do not know who is talking/conversing with who so please look carefully on that part. Thank you.

          Kihitakamy I just read yours and 'system'? stories are kinda confusing especially when it is on the boring narration side. Grammar can be improved and pay close attention to the dialogues that should have helped brought up the entire chapter. Thank you.

              TheCraZyaUthOr19 I just read yours and I must say the first chapter does not impressed me. An explosive prologue/first chapters can probably add the 'interesting' factor your story lacks. Grammar can be improved as well. Thank you.

                  Wassup!!! Please feel free to check out my work and I hope you enjoy it!

                  https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/22606590906640305?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4305047673

                  Title: The Earth’s Redemption Arc

                  Genre: superpower, apocalypse, survival

                  Synopsis: The heroes do not always win.

                  2022 December 31st, 10 pm, Earth descended into darkness. Human civilizations crumbled before the wrath of a zombie apocalypse. Wrecking destruction and havoc, humanity struggles to survive despite gaining superhuman abilities. Eventually, Earth perished.

                  Or did it?

                  The universe decided to give the residents of Earth a second chance in form of “Terra”, a Planet widely similar to Earth yet filled with many more possibilities.

                  Can the people of Earth turn over a new leaf and successfully redeem themselves on this new planet? Or will they perish once again?

                  Welcome to The Earth’s very own… Redemption Arc!

                    bacon_bacon I just read yours and your story felt like a one-person/MC only 'narration'/story telling due to the lack of probably important dialogues with the other characters involved. Grammar can be improved too, Thank you.

                        vhfprgjsdfdhj Hi I have read yours and story wise, it has a lot of 'narration' parts that actually tells/mostly describes the entire story flow. Given that you still have few chapters posted, add a little dialogue between the characters to make this more interesting. Good grammar too. Thank you.

                            Hello~ Hope you like it.
                            https://www.webnovel.com/book/kismet's-memoir_22616781805430205

                            Title: Kismet's Memoir
                            Synopsis:
                            Like a man and his oasis. A mirage I chased, a desire I can't quench.

                            It was him.

                            A will-o'-wisp, something I'm not worthy to gain. Undeniable truth laid bare but it held no importance as I desperately clung to a mere impossible probability.

                            He never been mine.

                            I over calculated things that never been there. Muddled by murky jealousy, fiends whispering delirious words of deceit. The night seemed longer as sleep never showed any intention to visit but the shadow of you... did. Like a peasant I begged for his love, an insatiable greed.

                            Sadly, he was a generous man and I was an envious lady.

                            It would have been easy to seal our fates together but this ability of mine will only keep you imprisoned. It is not right but why to I long for you.

                            Yvon who seems to have her life slowly falling apart suddenly discovers that she has the ability to change one's future. Tempted by her own desires to turn things around, she embarks on a journey to what she truly wants in life.

                            To those who seek Kismet's four muses, a treacherous path awaits you.

                              When she finds herself reincarnating all over again in her cheater ex boyfriend novel , and not even as the main character but as the side character ..the usless sister .
                              The villain's number one
                              Support my work the wpc 263
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