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mzykwph
Here is the “Legend of shaogal: diverging periods”book review

Outstanding points:

First of all, I would like to point out how unique the plot is, combining the 6th and 14th century. And the peculiarities of Geiyra’s condition, she is quite an interesting one and the mysteries surrounding her will intrigue the readers. There is a constant problem hooking the readers, but this hook sometimes disappears. I suggest, keeping the suspense in the air, since you did such a great job in some places.

Opinion on writing technique:

I’d say that the overall picture is conveyed, with proper details and background building where it concerns architecture and materials. But sometimes, it feels like a presentation of many actions and dialogues than a story, this is hard to explain, but it feels like I am reading a historical record of someone’s life. And by historical, I don’t mean the background explanation, but the now moment within chapter 3-5. Though if this is what you’re going for I can understand. Maybe this is because you’re covering two protagonists but there is also seemingly a lack of focus, a direction so the readers can envision it easily since it sort of feels scattered everywhere. How should I say, its like there are numerous spotlight flashing everywhere. Also, some of the sentences, are not arranged with efficiency and are too convoluted. It’s best to direct the sentences for an effect and put yourself in the reader’s shoes. And don’t start two consecutive paragraphs with the same word.

Moving on from the big picture, and breaking into the details, I noticed that you rarely describe the characters in that moment in detail outside of their clothes. Their expressions, ambiance, bodily language or impression. Maybe I missed it and forgot, but this is one of the things I noticed. I also spot several places where you forgot to add punctuations. There are times where you forgo detail too, this is something I commented in another place- signs of lazy writing- I know it could be concluded easily, but rather than say, “both said and smiled in unison,” you could go on how their smiles are different in nuances, feeling, background, impression, who stood out, what they though of them, what they thought each, etc.

The focus problem, turns into less of a problem by chapter 6, maybe because it is about Radelaine. Focus can still be maintained with multiple characters, but maybe transition more smoothly since it feels a little choppy sometimes.

Opinion on content :

I was quite confused with the transition from chapter 3 to chapter 4. How did it change from, “she is in the state with the intention of killing her sister.” to entering a castle (is it a castle? It just shows them entering a place, but there was backstory about a king so I assumed it was a castle). Anyways, long story short, I suggest placing yourself in the reader’s shoes and not jump too much without explanation unless the scene ended. And to make use of cliffhangers and conflicts. Because chapter 3 was such a good cliffhanger but It’s not used.