Nostalgia_cat

Here is the review 💓

I read up to chapter 7-

Outstanding points :

Other than the mystery, the favorite thing that had me going on with this story was the dynamics- the stretches of fear and familiarity intertwining with one another to form this beautiful shape. But that was from after Lucas entered the story, before that, The first thing that caught my eye early in the story, was the detailed description of characters and -surprisingly- architecture which help immerse the readers into the scenes. On top of that, the web of relationships is interesting, I love how there are layers to everything such as John, Abigail and Lucas.

Writing skills :

The actions, descriptions and dialogues is placed well, and explained in a way the readers can easily imagine. I am so thankful, the characters are properly distinguished that you can more or less guess who is speaking or at least their characteristics. Their interactions are natural, imaginable and yet still exciting.

Content :

There is a proper plot keeping the story going. A den of mysteries slumbering beneath the main character’s wish to forget and the subsequent yearning all of us have to discover it. And yet, the author doesn’t spare us from the spices of romance, and the intrusion of a second male lead.

Cons in writing :

The detail I praised earlier sometimes disappears during scenes with a lot of dialogues, especially when it doesn’t concern the male lead. During the read, I often see dialogues one after another without any description in between. In my opinion, this cuts of the immersion and creates the illusion that the novel is uneven and therefore shows a tiny feeling that it is unpolished. And, sometimes although very rare, I see, traces of lazy writing , where the detailed lines turn into consecutive one liners or dialogues. It’s fine for effects but when stacked for no reason could turn off readers - for example when the butler told Abigail to change the bedsheet, and when john tells her she lost her phone- you just went full blown dialogues. This occurs again when Asher appears, it’s like the effort you put into it doesn’t match the one behind Lucas’s scenes. Then again, this is rather common in webnovel writers.

I will put an excerpt on your story where I think it could be done better :
[
“Americans,” Lucas growled

“What about us?” Asher urged

“Loves sex. And alcohol.”]

It seems like a bit of lazy writing, there could be a lot more detail and immersion. Use nuances, foreshadowing, hints to add to the reading experience. (Just a suggestion 💕)

Cons in content :
Moving on to the content, whilst the sponsorship made sense, I don’t think the barringtons allowing Abigail and john to go to social parties would end cleanly. Perhaps add on a detail later of how they were not most welcomed by the other socialites? Or how they won them over. From chapter 7 is it by looks,or is it just some that admires her and the others have hostility? (Just a suggestion from someone who doesn’t know the full picture, if I’m wrong don’t mind it.)

Errors I spotted :

  • you addressed Abigail as his or him once in early chapters
  • Grammar mistake : “he had done beat up” should be—> he had beat up
  • Very few—> very rarely

Conclusion: it is a great romance novel and I’ll be sure to read it!

This is my opinion this far, if you want the whole review posted, pls vote 1 power stones, if you want to select several parts, 2 power-stones (the book is by love we abide). If you don’t want to, then there is no need to vote.

And if you have time, please check out my book, by love we abide :”)

      mzykwph yes, I’m still doing them. There is another book to review though so the time will be around 48-72 hours, but probably around 48. Can’t wait to read your book haha

          cutest_miss

          Here is the review to love on trials

          I read up to chapter 5.

          Book review : love on trials

          Good side :

          The good side of the story is a proper description on character looks that varies with some being quite rare, such as Angel white gap teeth. Corresponding to this, I appreciate the personalization of character viewing experience- or in layman terms- how the character has proper thoughts on how a character appears (impression of unexpected details).

          Writing style :

          I will not lie, whilst there are the good sides in reading personalization experience, there needs to be more detail and variety both in background immersion and sentence structure. Furthermore, the grammar is sometimes mixed up. For example, “causing me to chuckle” and “rolled my eyes”. It should be roll my eyes. There needs to be more variety in sentence structure to intrigue the readers- more explanation will be written under cons (scroll down).

          Cons :

          1. Details

          One of the view things that I found to reduce the immersion is the lack of description, how do I say it, between the dialogues (especially in chapter 1), there is a complete lack of detail, causing difficulty in envisioning the scene.
          There also needs to be more variety on the actions or details after the dialogues. For example in beginning chapters, the word “I told “ was repeated consecutively. And by variety, not in diction but in what detail is written.

          1. Sentence structure
            There needs to be more variety to pique the readers curiosity and not bore them. To do this mix up the order of subject, object, verb and explanation. Don’t repeat “ I “ as beginning for consecutive paragraphs or sentence. Or the verb said/ told too often.

          2. Character

          The personality of the character is too one dimensional. The villainess feels like she needs more brain cells. And despite it being set in historical setting, the lexis is too informal.

          1. Too little detail and too much dialogues- uneven ratio
          1. Errors

          There were several typos

          1. Punctuation problems
            There needs to be coma in some places

          2. Overly explained
            The dialogues explains too much. Often something hat is already said in narration is repeated. This is a valid advice my friend gave me, don’t treat your readers as children.

          3. Clarity
            Explain what was over the place, puke?

          Advice :

          1. Add more detail between the dialogues, it’s best to sandwich the dialogues in paragraphs after two consequent dialogues, and vary it with a sandwich every one dialogue.
          2. Add variety to sentence structure and detail. Don’t repeat “said” or “told” too often.
          3. Improve on character depth and polish dialogues

              Livylivalive Hey! I know you said 7 books, but if your ever bored and want a well developed romance filled cultivation novel that doesn’t have the usual cliche young master troupe and a main character that actually thinks, feel free to check out my novel ‘Stains of Red’
              https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/24647123005300605?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4322751161

                  mzykwph
                  Here is the “Legend of shaogal: diverging periods”book review

                  Outstanding points:

                  First of all, I would like to point out how unique the plot is, combining the 6th and 14th century. And the peculiarities of Geiyra’s condition, she is quite an interesting one and the mysteries surrounding her will intrigue the readers. There is a constant problem hooking the readers, but this hook sometimes disappears. I suggest, keeping the suspense in the air, since you did such a great job in some places.

                  Opinion on writing technique:

                  I’d say that the overall picture is conveyed, with proper details and background building where it concerns architecture and materials. But sometimes, it feels like a presentation of many actions and dialogues than a story, this is hard to explain, but it feels like I am reading a historical record of someone’s life. And by historical, I don’t mean the background explanation, but the now moment within chapter 3-5. Though if this is what you’re going for I can understand. Maybe this is because you’re covering two protagonists but there is also seemingly a lack of focus, a direction so the readers can envision it easily since it sort of feels scattered everywhere. How should I say, its like there are numerous spotlight flashing everywhere. Also, some of the sentences, are not arranged with efficiency and are too convoluted. It’s best to direct the sentences for an effect and put yourself in the reader’s shoes. And don’t start two consecutive paragraphs with the same word.

                  Moving on from the big picture, and breaking into the details, I noticed that you rarely describe the characters in that moment in detail outside of their clothes. Their expressions, ambiance, bodily language or impression. Maybe I missed it and forgot, but this is one of the things I noticed. I also spot several places where you forgot to add punctuations. There are times where you forgo detail too, this is something I commented in another place- signs of lazy writing- I know it could be concluded easily, but rather than say, “both said and smiled in unison,” you could go on how their smiles are different in nuances, feeling, background, impression, who stood out, what they though of them, what they thought each, etc.

                  The focus problem, turns into less of a problem by chapter 6, maybe because it is about Radelaine. Focus can still be maintained with multiple characters, but maybe transition more smoothly since it feels a little choppy sometimes.

                  Opinion on content :

                  I was quite confused with the transition from chapter 3 to chapter 4. How did it change from, “she is in the state with the intention of killing her sister.” to entering a castle (is it a castle? It just shows them entering a place, but there was backstory about a king so I assumed it was a castle). Anyways, long story short, I suggest placing yourself in the reader’s shoes and not jump too much without explanation unless the scene ended. And to make use of cliffhangers and conflicts. Because chapter 3 was such a good cliffhanger but It’s not used.

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