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This is my first time writing a novel and also my first day on this forum!
I have decided to try writing a story with fantasy, transmigration, romance, system and some spicy R-18 with a good plot!
I know there are a lot of novels in this genre but I have decided to approach my novel in a way different from others, you will notice it in just 5-6 chapters and I honestly feel that I am doing a pretty good job already but I still need the opinion of others, maybe it looks just right inside my head but it's too fast or slow paced. I even welcome critical but honest reviews as it would only help me improve my work. I will be updating at least one chapter everyday tho I am trying to do 2 with a 12 hour duration between them. You are also welcome to leave your recommendations here and if it interests me then I will surely leave a review as well. My novel is called 'A Dreamer's Reality'
here's the link : https://www.webnovel.com/book/a-dreamer's-reality_26059964906113905

Vigilant_Dreamer Hello, I saw you posting forums everywhere.

Anyways, are you interested in doing an honest review swap with me? My chapters are a little long, but I don't mind even if you read only a little.
What I want isn't a review that says 'Wow, this is interesting I really love this.' and they didn't read and even mispelled the name.
I want to know what's good, what's bad.
In short, a criticism.
I could really use some of this here. Of course, I would do the same in return. How does this sounds to you?
Here's the link: The Impossible Fate That Leads To A God Of A New World

https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/25005380205528305?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4321325054
In my epic Fantasy series people from Earth were chosen to participate in The Reincarnation protocol when they died but in this world they actually choose what they become since the AIS that chose them chosen purely to help fulfill whatever desire these heroes or villains have for this world. Will the world be ready for constant action and strain that these heroes and villains we putting on this world only time will tell.

Vigilant_Dreamer
I think I will write my review here because I think it will be harsh.

For your first time writing a novel, I think it's superb. But then again, AS YOUR FIRST TIME.

1. You grammars are astounding. I'm somewhat jealous in this aspect. However, there are some narration sentence that I saw some unnecessary 'exclamation mark' that throws me off when I was reading.

2. And sometimes I find your sentence being too wordy, and difficult to be understood.

For Example:
At that moment one of the two stars that was small enough to go unnoticed in the sky but still seemed to grab the attention of the viewer shined brighter and brighter with different colors! Phantasia turned her head towards the sky before noticing the sudden change in the star, she couldn't help but to turn even happier!

They soon reached the pillar as Arima took the initiative to site down while leaning his back against it. He looked at Phantasia before patting the place besides him. She smiled mischievously behind the veil before bending down and placing her soft and supple buttocks against Arima's lap.

i. I was like, what? Why is the narration getting excited all of a sudden?
ii. Okay, so did Phantasia turned her head to look at the star before the star shone brighter or after it shone brighter?
iii. The transitions between each paragraphs weren't smooth enough.
iv. Who is pulling who towards the pillar? Arima or Phantasia?
v. Is it really necessary to sit down?
vi. Arima looked at Phantasia before patting the place besides him?

How about like this:
At that moment, the tiny star that shined with variety of colours, grew brighter. It was originally unnoticed all along, caught Phantasia's attention, and she immediately looked up so that she could see the stars. She can't help but to be giggle with happiness when she noticed the change of that star.

Eventually, they reached the pillar.

Arima took the initiative to sit down first, leaning his back against the pillar. He then looked at Phantasia and patted the place next to him, telling her to sit right next to him.

Behind her veil, Phantasia smiled mischievously.

She nonchalantly sat and placed her soft and supple buttocks against Arima's lap before he could react.

Isn't it better? At least it's smoother.

3. You don't have to pack two to three sentences in one paragraph. Sometimes splitting them to several paragraphs could make your readers gain their focus back.

4. Your world background is good, but not for your storyline. I've read 9 chapters for now, but I still had no idea what is your goal in this story. This also means, I've spent time reading 9000+ words just to watch Luke/Arima dream a lot, and one day doing a handjob and met his wifey from the past, Phantasia.

You wasted your first few golden chapters that was supposed to catch the reader's attention.

It's fine if you want to keep it this way, or change it. But you seriously need a prologue to give your readers a preparation of what to expect, and to catch their attention.

Maybe a harem scene right from the start?

5. You seemed to be at a loss for trying to write a story. Draft your plot first before you actually start writing. Make sure everything's clear.

There's more, but I will stop for now until you could make do with the... wordy and uncanny descriptions, storyline.

How is it? Are you having a hard time reading my review? Or maybe you weren't expecting this right off the bat?

If you think what I wrote here isn't worth of your attention, feel free to ignore it. But I honestly think there's lots of improvements.

P.S.
Oh by the way, I hope I could receive a sincere review in return instead of just one chapter. Maybe you can read the first 9 chapters in my story, as a fair exchange.

To begin with, I don't need any 5 star reviews. I only want to know what can I do just to improve.

Hope you aren't like the others that reads only one chapter and leave a five star review.

LuciferVermillion
I have read the one you wrote for like 4 times now and it really shows the difference that comes with experience. I was naive to think that I could just get some views with such sloppy lines that I wrote, I really will have to consider reading other works from the point of view of writing instead of just the story.