Staria_ Hi, I reviewed and added your story to my library. I hope you won't mind a little constructive criticism, I'm not the type to beat around the bush with my words. I think you can improve as a writing style and your story will go to high places once you improve the areas you are lacking.

      ThreyaMidnight
      Hey, thanks for the review. I'm a big fan of onomatopoeia, so it's a staple in my works. Now I'll tone it down in the future. I also took time to review my work for grammatical errors, but there were none except for the word sighted(past tense of sight). If people weren't reading it correctly, they might have thought I meant sighed, so I went back to add some context so people won't make a mistake. Thanks again.

      Since you took the time to review mine, I decided it'd only be right to do the same. However, I didn't post it in the reviews so that people won't doubt your work before trying it out themselves.

      1. Simple Grammarly fixes and checks His to he's, the secret between to secret behind. There are more but couldn't list them all
      2. In writing, you should stick to one tense. You go back and forward between the present and past e.g. use he had soft hair that made instead of he had soft hair that makes there were other examples before this, and it interrupts reading flow and image building
      3. Character introduction is too long. You don't have to give all those details at once because the readers won't remember. Space them out over chapters and bring them up when relevant. Because descriptions go on forever, I get bored and reading one chapter seems like it's taking hours, and I'm not yet progressing into the storyline.
      4. The Story idea was wonderful but I would recommend reading more actual books or webnovels and choosing one you view as high quality to use as a template.
      5. After making these changes, I'm sure you'll garner lots of views.

      Thanks again for your review

          Web Novel Novel Ask