RyujiSakamata I did read yours but some of the motivations don’t make sense. I would advise you to make the murder at the beginning more reasonable, like maybe the person already hates them, etc. or maybe they’re a serial killer, and the main character is more like bruh, I’m serious getting targeted by a serial killer/stalker (aka more emotional buildup), my life is already shot. I can see the idea, but the execution needs a bit more work. As for your premise and stuff, they’re interesting, but I wish the MC wasn’t so passive/such a scaredy-cat cat, but also kind of a bit condescending to other novels. I can understand the characterization there, but you need the MC to be relatable, not condescending. Another thing is that you tell way too much. At the beginning, it’s all “tell, tell, tell”. I feel like some of those things could be shown a bit.

      RyujiSakamata

      In essence, the MC comes off as very bitter at the beginning. From ‘hating the rich, to other novels, then to her overall situation’ to etc. those are valid things to get upset at, but the beginning of the novel describes these things in an almost-monotone voice. “I am not apart of this class. I became bread winner.” To make her sound relatable, you should showcase her good traits as well, like: “It’s so difficult, I want to complain, but who can I complain to? It’s something I must do, I know I must do this because if no one does… then who will? Some days I can’t find the will to keep going, but I just want my mom to be happy, my sister to … etc. ” Aka show some grit! Some might find the constant pessimism and self-deprecation of the protagonist a bit taxing. Finally, like I said before, the narrative could also benefit from more variation in tone to prevent the story from becoming too monotonous. When Ellyn gets tortured, the characters should not forgive the KING immediately either. A good idea would be to have the MC storms off, angry at the father, and he apologizes, genuinely to both Ellyn and the MC. Maybe the mother goes over, and is like, your father did a terrible thing, but he was terribly worried. Make the queen berate the King a bit more for what happened. It cannot be forgiven so easily, otherwise the readers feel that the characters are being irrationally characterized! Whips leave scars.

      Now, I do want to say that my critique here is a bit harsh but I see potential in your novel. I did enjoy reading some parts of it.

          hello my name is April and I'm currently writing a book called morally grey, I would really appreciate it if you could read my novel and give me feedback on it
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            ErioMillionz i would, but I have a job and college so it’s difficult sometimes to write consistently

                4 days later

                AuHNG Well, this was "WOW". So crazy... I like, but I had to read it 3 times to try to understand it, and I didn't get it right. If there was a paragraph or two of a sober point of view that would be nice. Like, a random pedestrian or some stalker interested in the MC. I don't know exactly.

                    https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-desperate_27053775006459705 thats the my... I am new, but i want build a big world inside this novel. No plots of secrets areas, big cheats, Divines treasures miraculous or sistem and things like this. I want a world where the most varied races exist. From dark rpg style races to really beautiful and exotic species. I would appreciate it if you have any ideas on races, characters or the origins of the species.

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                        Frostborn some of your novel feels like summarizing rather than reading a novel. Here are my key points:

                        The passage moves quickly through significant events without allowing time for them to develop or for the reader to connect with them. Slow down the pacing & explore each event in more detail.

                        Li Wei's transformation happens suddenly, and we don't get to see much of his personality or emotions other than fear and acceptance.

                        The first chapter tells the reader what is happening rather than showing it through actions, thoughts, dialogue, and sensory descriptions. For ex, instead of saying Granny Mei sensed the malevolent presence, you could describe what she saw, heard, or felt that made her realize, like her heart tightened, she could feel something malevolent slithering towards them.

                        include more dialogue that could add depth to the characters and provide insights into their personalities, beliefs, and relationships.

                        The events unfold quickly without much buildup or tension/suspense. Themes such as destiny, fear, acceptance, and the battle between good and evil are present but not deeply explored, which makes the story feel a bit cliche, like this is good, they’re bad, we need to fight them.

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