A deep, whirring noise turned in her ear. Burning smoke wafted to her nose. She scrunched her brows in discomfort.
Stop that. She waved her hand in the air. I want to sleep.
“Can’t. You need to wake up.”
Lili mumbled curses. I’ll get up when I please.
They snickered. “I see you have no need for the blueprint.”
Lili bolted up. “A good man honours his words!”
High-pitched cackles resounded through the room.
Her eyes flitted to the exquisitely-crafted rosewood footstool gifted by Madame Brioche, and the human-figured shadow sitting on top.
“What do you want, Matt?” She groaned. “It’s too early in the morning.”
The shadowy figure floated up from the stool, his murky lips a grin. “You can’t hide from your duties, dear Princess.”
She shut her eyes.
“What of my father?” Weariness laced her voice. “What is his decision?”
Matt hovered in midair, hesitating.
“It was as you had predicted, Princess.” He said. “He’s sided with the nobles.”
She was silent.
“He only had one choice.” Matt murmured.
“He turned against his people!” She growled.
“He would’ve been replaced.”
“Then he’s a coward. No different from the previous king.”
Matt stopped moving. “So have you made your choice?”
Lili bit her lips. “I never had a choice.”
The shadow smiled wryly. “I suppose so.” He gazed out into the fields. Chaos filled his vision. He saw the cook, the plant battler, the radish farmer, the reader hanging from the sky. All sorts of other worlders had come to this world. To fight the great battle between the Supremacies and the Rebels. To determine a winner for once and for all. Hands would be stained with blood. Truces would be broken. Servants would betray their masters.
“Neither did I.” He whispered.
IceSnowball
- Joined Apr 15, 2019
I don’t think you can put pictures in the book but you can attach a link somewhere with your pictures
- Edited
Overlord_Venus Oh okay I get it. It’s just confusing for the readers. The author can write with whoever’s perspective they want, but it is crucial for the writing to be made clear so the reader is able to understand. The point I want to make is that you aren’t talking about the character of the present, you are describing the character in another place/time.
I’ll give you an example of what it felt to read that part:
She zipped up her jacket as she shivered from the cold.
When she looked up, she found that everyone was gone. Her heart beat rapidly.
A cold breeze swept past. Her jacket fluttered in the wind. She clutched it tightly to her skin. But it was no use. The wind was too strong. With a roar the jacket was ripped off her shoulders.*if the jacket was zipped, how could it flutter in the wind and be ripped off?
I know it says at the top to only write one sentence, but I couldn’t help myself. Initially I wrote a shorter paragraph, but after rereading it over and over again, I found that it is really hard to express an idea in only a few short sentences. And if everyone were to do that, we’d have chunks of ideas that are all separate from each other. But if we make them longer, it’s easier for the next person to connect on as they have more to work with.
Overlord_Venus a thin long beard that looked like two living dragons as they fluttered with the wind. His aged lips arched like a bow
I like this part - it’s very descriptive.
an old man with his eyes closed.
...
pair of deep dark brown eyes that looked as if it had gazed into the very depths of the universe.This didn’t make sense - how would anyone know his eyes’ colour when they’re closed?
Hello!
Here’s my first impression:
Julia seems seems like the nice, forgiving character type who encourages and supports others. Is there a background to her? Why is she unnaturally tall? You mentioned that she is No.6 - does that mean she is a robot? It’s confusing for me because I’m reading it out of context, but why did she say she will protect them? Does she feel responsible or is she ordered to? At the moment very little is revealed about her intentions (although I guess more will come later)...
TessaHis brows scrunched tightly as he assessed the girl before him. He couldn’t say she was particularly pretty. No, that was not it at all. Messy curls spilled over light freckles on tan cheeks; dry, chapped lips pursed tightly in a nasty scowl; and dull, soulless eyes glared from beneath greasy bangs.
“What are you looking at,” she hissed.- Edited
GoodHunter
As her fingers smoothed over chipped wood, her eyes gazed into the distance, indifferent and cold.
“Entertain you?” I frowned. ”Why should I?”
The reaper twirled around. ”Don’t you want to taste infinite power? Fly above all mortals and reign as king! Think of that. All the riches, the women, the power, they would all be yours.”
She drew towards me suddenly, her voice quiet and sinister. “You have a desire. I can see it in your heart.”
She cackled like a witch. “No human is empty of greed. In fact, they are full of it. Not even a million life cycles will extinguish the flame known as greed!” She paused, her eyes boring into me with a manic craze.
“What about you, boy? Will you share your greed with me?”
My heart leapt to my throat.GoodHunter
The reaper chuckled. “What do you know about the universe?”
My eyes snapped open. Her face was in my face. Her sweet-scented lavender perfume stung in my nose. Her long lashes fluttered over radiant eyes, her mouth curled into a lazy smile.
“Didn’t you kill me?” I asked her.
She grinned, backing away. “Kill you? Why?”
I sat up dizzily, ”You took my soul. You killed me.”
She laughed. “So now you’re dead.”
I nodded. “Right.”
“How absurd.” She stood and stepped to a large, antiquated table, edges a faded brown. “Nothing comes to an end. Not in this universe, not in another universe.”The_Cheese We’ve a jolly good Christmas,
A burning summer heat,
A break from colds and flus,
And a holiday too how neat!Miss_Lazy Thanks:)
- Edited
_IHA_FAB_ Okay, thank you:)
KoraL Truthfully, he didn't have anything to lose by accepting. This decision wasn't a hard one, neither was it disadvantageous. But he couldn't help feeling uneasy when he tread into the room, for the building had been abandoned for a century at least, and attached to the cracked and gloomy walls was a horrifying and sinister tragedy.
jay_5599 There’s Discord
jay_5599 I don’t think so.
ShinSungmi It’s called Her Sole Desire
ShinSungmi Sure:)
_IHA_FAB_ Hi
Are you interested in reading Her Sole Desire?
https://m.webnovel.com/book/14193566505598705Thanks
_IHA_FAB_ Hi
Are you interested in reading Her Sole Desire?
https://m.webnovel.com/book/14193566505598705Thanks
XOMatsumaeohana Hi:) I left you a review