PREFACE
CHARACTER INTRO
CRITIQUE
PREFACE
Wow, OP! I love the concept of this thread! I’ll read up on Rekka’s Last Stand today or tomorrow. Looks great!
CHARACTER INTRO
Rivulets of sweat poured down the youth’s short, green hair and down his face, as white as ivory or scale-- almost unnatural. He allowed his form to falter for only a moment, righting his posture, though his labored breathing could not hide his fatigue. He noticed my staring and scowled with narrowed eyes.
“Seven hells,” he cursed. “Get up, whelp.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me up with a lithe, muscled arm, his grip not gentle at the least. I somehow managed to stand, but my knees buckled, and I supported myself against the rough cavern wall. His youthful face twisted from annoyance to disdain, “Do you want to die?”
He leaned his face forward, glaring with vivid yellow eyes, “Say so, now, so I can end your pathetic mewling.”
I sniffed and consciously slowed my breathing. I needed to stop my sobbing, even if the hot tears would continue to flow. The sharp, throbbing pain pulsed from my bleeding side, cold and burning hot at the same time, “S-sir Tycondrius... I don’t think I can continue.”
When I looked up, he’d already walked away. Peeking around the corner of the torchlit hallway, he raised a fist up, a hand signal that demanded absolute silence. I held my breath, fearing for my life.
“I didn’t ask for your worthless opinion,” He said with his back turned. My heart skipped a beat. A crossbow bolt was embedded into his lower back, blood trailing down his leather armor.
“Guild Invictus doesn’t leave its brothers and sisters behind,” he muttered.
CRITIQUE
So one of the largest difficulties of this thread is this concept: ‘Does your description add to the story?’ If I can summarize an entire page of text in one sentence, even if your verbiage is absolutely gorgeous, a reader can choose to skip over it all! This is an unfortunate and uncomfortable truth both for writers and other readers.
(I’m breaking the rules and critiquing everyone because the thread is still small and because I love you all.)
One of the cool things about Chitawulf’s, Arkinslize’s, and Icesnowball‘s descriptions is that they all use a very opinionated viewpoint. With the observer’s POV, the reader is strongly inclined to feel similar, promoting a sense of closeness and identity with the narrator.
@Chitawulf is able to use descriptions like ‘unnaturally tall’ and ‘not intimidating in the slightest’ and ‘reminded him of a warm fireplace?’ The action minutiae of the sun being in Silas’ eyes adds to the “realism” of the scene. Very nice.
@Arkinslize takes the opinionated narration a step further. Absurd descriptions like likening a crippled girl’s legs to hairless chicken drumsticks, her skin like poor quality leather, and her hair to piss-ridden snow, adds a... complex layer to the reading.
@IceSnowball ‘s description is absolutely perfect. It’s short, incredibly descriptive, to the point, and transitions to action.
@Overlord_Venus ‘ description is out of-- what, your first chapter? Your first few chapters are sooooo slow. But the pacing is wonderful because when the action starts in a few chapters, I quickly began to miss the low-stakes banter of the ML/FL pair and the poetic descriptions of family life.
Great job, Authors! Let’s all work hard, together.
It's early for the review but I liked it .. so keep doing your best
