@Legion20. Hi, I’m sorry there was no way to make this private. Was the only way to contact you.
I am someone going through similar troubles as Lith. I can’t love due to fear of the pain and I would rather be an orphan than have family. I don’t know why. Felt like that even when I was a kid.
Now it has evolved to the point of murderous thoughts towards my family, suicide, unable to make friends and never being in a relationship. I run away from the world so much that I don’t care what happens to me or anyone around me. I just want to find a way to be alone in this world.
I am not trying to sound sympathetic nor do I need compassion, advice about treasuring life, or insults.
I am currently on chapter 235 of your novel. It is the best novel I have ever read. I really do not understand how you were brilliant enough to write this. I am in awe.
I see I still have over 1000 chapters to go but I cannot bring myself to continue. Every fiber of my being is rejecting Lith’s current growth into being accepting of love and family. I simply cannot stand his ideology changing because I share them and although I have not even gone through 1/1000000th of the pain he went through, and I wish he finds peace with himself, I just cannot be happy for him. To me he has the justification, but I don’t. Sometimes I feel like a sociopath but I also know I am somewhat kind.
Anyway, I hope you can help me. I want to be able to enjoy life. Unlike him, I do not even have the will to fight for what I want. When ever I try to go out and live, I end up running back and dig a deeper hole. Rinse and repeat, for over 10 years. I lock myself up for months until I am able to convince myself to try again, only to come back and decide its not worth it.
I don’t know what I am expecting from you. But since I found some part of myself in Lith, I believe you are the only person I have met, who has some kind of understanding as to my feelings. So I wanted to reach out.
I really want to continue your novel but I always find myself stopping novels when the MC seems to have become “human” and found trust in others other than immediate family.
Thank you for such a lovely book.