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So I know some of you are tired of fan-fics so maybe this won't be your cup of tea. For those of you who don't mind them or if you are just a big fan of Douluo Dalu, I want to get your opinion on this as a potential novel. Even if you are not a fan of the original Douluo Dalu this is written in a way that you won't be confused about what is happening. I will post, on here, my first three chapters. I'd love to get some feedback, on really anything, but especially on this as a viable/wanted novel.

Chapter 1: Connor Miller
Conner Miller was a man who enjoyed the little things in life, most important to him was his parents. He was born an only child to modest parents in the countryside. He was raised to work hard and put others first. As a young man, he did everything he could to make his parents proud. He worked diligently through high school graduating top of his class. At 18 he moved to the big city for college where he stayed focused and put his studies before anything else. His focus on his studies caused him to not have many friends and even though he had good looks most girls quickly lost interest.

After four hard years, he finally graduated with a bachelors in software engineering, a field his parents assured him had a promising future. Soon after he found a good job at a software development firm and decided to make a trip home to tell his parents the good news. Unfortunately, when he arrived at his childhood home he was made aware of some devastating news. His mother had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. The treatments would be expensive and his father couldn't afford to pay all the medical bills.

After spending a few days at home with his parents comforting them and spending time with them he went back to his job in the city determined to support them with everything he had. Over the next five years, he worked hard and took as much overtime as he could. He would send as much money as possible to his parents, barely saving enough for himself. He lived in a one bedroom apartment about a mile from his work so he could bike to work saving the money he'd have to spend on a car. When he wanted to see his parents he would take a bus out to the country. What little free time he had was either spent visiting his parents or working on an app he was developing on the side.
Another two years go by and one day he was at home putting the finishing touches on the app he had been developing for seven years now. He already had a buyer lined up and the sale of the app should bring in enough money to pay for his mom's medical bills for the rest of her life. While working, his phone started ringing.
His father was calling from the hospital, his mother's cancer was in remission. He was ecstatic and couldn't wait to go home to visit and celebrate with them. He quickly finished the last bit of work on his app and packed a weekend bag to visit home. He almost walked out the door before he remembered it's pouring outside so he grabbed his raincoat.

As he was walking down to the bus station his phone rings. It's a number he doesn't recognize.

"Hello? This is Connor."

A gruff voice came over the line, "Connor. Connor Miller?"

Connor could barely hear him over the downpour happening in the street around him.

"Yes, I'm Connor Miller."

"Connor I'm Sheriff Tom Hill. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but when your parents were on their way home from the hospital your father lost control of the vehicle. I regret to inform you they didn't make it."

Suddenly, Connor felt like all the air in his lungs was sucked out. The cacophony of raindrops which had sounded so loud just a moment ago went completely silent as all of his senses went numb. The hand holding his phone to his ear fell like a puppet with its string cut, the phone bounced off the concrete below.

Connor was stunned, everything in his world that gave him meaning and purpose, lost. Just as he thought the years of hard work had paid off and his mom was saved, the financial burden on his dad gone, he lost them both. Sure, over the years he had prepared for how it would feel if he lost his mom. She went through rough patches where he wasn't sure she would make it. However, he never expected this, the whiplash of emotion from losing them both was too sudden. He just couldn't wrap his head around it.

He didn't know how or when but somehow he made it back to his apartment. As he stood in front of the door he slowly came back to reality. They were gone and there was nothing he could do about it and worse, no one to blame for it. He entered his apartment and even though he was fully clothed, still in his raincoat, he collapsed on his couch and fell asleep.

The next week was a blur for Connor. He had to prepare their funerals and arrange their things, all while a large tech firm was calling about the sale of the app he developed. He was sifting through some of his father's things when he noticed an old pile of papers tucked away in a dusty cardboard box. When he looked at the top page he was surprised to see it was a manuscript for a novel. The novel was titled "The Immortal's Tale" and underneath was a line "By: Bill Miller." Bill was his dad's name. Connor was somewhat shocked, his dad wrote technical manuals for products. He didn't know he wrote fantasy novels too. Connor began reading the novel and was entranced by it for hours. It wasn't the best novel ever written but it had a certain charm. He didn't even realize the entire day had gone by when he placed the manuscript down. If it wasn't for the fact that his stomach started grumbling he might have read the whole thing in one sitting.

He had no idea his dad was so creative, it must have been something he wrote when he was younger and still had an adventurous spirit. Connor couldn't help but feel a sense of closeness with this part of his dad. Connor had always considered himself the adventurous type it's just the responsibilities of life that forced him to focus on his studies or work instead of anything else. He thought his dad probably felt the same.

Connor finished arranging his parent's things and held a funeral for them at the local cemetery. It was a small town so most of the people came and offered their condolences. Soon after Connor worked out a deal with the software firm he worked at so he could telework from home and moved into his parents home. After getting settled in Connor decided it was time to finish the deal regarding his app and ended up selling it to a large tech for roughly two million dollars. Connor considered using it to pursue an adventurous life, but in the end, he couldn't leave his parents and their home.

When his mother was healthy she would often go into the city to do charity work for the homeless. So he decided to donate the entire two million dollars to a non-profit that helped fund homeless shelters that provided the homeless food, clothes, and shelter.

Four years went by and Connor still worked for the same software development firm and lived much of the same life he did before. The only difference now was that he filled his spare time reading fantasy novels. He had long finished his dad's novel but when he was done he still wanted to feel close to him so he began reading other fantasy novels. For Conner, it allowed an escape from the cruel reality of losing his parents. When he was reading the novels he could imagine being one of the characters. He especially loved novels where the main character had a close bond with his parents. As a matter of fact, his favorite novel was called Douluo Dalu. The bonds between Tang San and his parents touched the depths of his soul. He was such a huge fan that he had even come up with his own fan-fiction about it and posted it on some of the forums online.

One day a thunderstorm was raging through his small town, much like the day his parents died. It was late and Connor was wrapping up his work for the day. As was his usual habit, he got online to check to see if a new chapter of Douluo Dalu had come out. just as he was about to click on the link to the latest chapter a flash of light blinded him and an impossibly quick searing pain rose up his arm and into his head.

Connor's parent's house was built decades ago before measures were put in place to stop power surges traveling through the wiring in houses. Unbeknownst to Connor, lightning had struck the power line for his house traveling straight through the house's wiring, through the computers power cord, from the computer to the metal work-desk, into his arm and right to his brain. Connor died before he could understand what happened.

Just as Connor was encompassed by darkness he noticed a light coming toward him..... wait it's not coming towards him it's more like he is going to it. Connor was confused, why did it seem like the light was below him?
Wait I think... I'm falling!!

"AHHHHHHHH!!"

Connor couldn't help but scream. He had never experienced something like this in his entire life. Then the light consumed him and the darkness disappeared. He could feel air rushing past his body, he was still in freefall. He looked down and noticed what looked like rolling hills of white.

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?"

Connor screamed as he continued falling.

The white mounds got closer and closer and just as Connor expected to splatter like dropped spaghetti, he landed on the white mound and it felt like he landed on a balloon. Eventually, he came to a bouncing stop without the slightest amount of pain.

"What the heck was that and where on Earth am I?

"Well, technically you're not on Earth anymore." A voice came from behind him.

Connor spun around staring at the person behind him. It was an old man with a long white beard, a white hat, a long wooden cane in one hand, and a book in the other. Oddly enough he looked a lot like Gandalf after he became Gandalf the white.

"What do you mean I'm not on Earth? Where am I? Who are you?"

"I mean you are no longer on what you consider the physical plain of Earth. As to where here is, you could say it is everywhere and nowhere. Lastly, you may call me Greg."

"Greg?!?"

Chapter 2: Points
I get transported to this weird place. I fall from the sky. I'm greeted by this weird Gandalf looking old man and his name is Greg. Great! I still have no idea what's going on.

"Greg, where am I again?"

He looked at me quizzically, "I just told you. A place that is everywhere and nowhere. It is an in-between place."

I just realized his voice didn't really match his appearance. He looked like an old man but sounds like a teenager.

"What is an in-between place?"

"A place between life and death."

"Life and Death?!?!"

"Correct."

Ok, so I died. That explains the darkness from earlier and why I'm in such a weird place. That flash of light at my desk must have had something to do with my death. Is this afterlife?

"Why am I here?"

"You died."

His nonchalant answers as if all of this is common sense and I should understand what's going on is really beginning to irritate me.

"...Ok, Greg, I understand I died, but WHY am I here?"

"Ah yes, you are here because you performed well on Earth."

"Performed well? What does that mean?"

"Based on our scoring system you created a great amount of good and a small amount of bad. In total, you receive 1,244,750 points. Therefore, you are eligible to access the rewards system. Only those with 500,000 or more points get to access the rewards system."

Suddenly a black P with a dash followed by 1,244,750 popped into my vision.

P-1,244,750

I was a little stunned it was like a hologram that stayed in the corner of my vision. This is a lot to take in. I have so many questions. Where do I even begin?

"Are you God?"

"No."

"Is there a God?"

"That answer requires 50,000 points."

So certain answers require points. Since I don't know what they can be used for I'd rather save them for now.

"Why do I have so many points?"

"Your main source of points came from sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of your parents and donating 2 million dollars to help people with no ulterior motives."

Ok. I didn't think that would benefit me now, but I can accept the logic behind it.

"What are the points for?"

"Anything."

Again with the short answers. It's like he can't think for himself.

"What do most people use the points for?"

"Reincarnation is the most popular."

Suddenly I got very excited! That means I can go back to Earth and see my parents again!

"Can I go back to Earth to when I was born?"

"No."

What?!?! Now I feel like I'm in the middle of some elaborate prank.

"Why not?"

"Earth is the origin. It is unique and cannot be modified."

Sounds like there is some secret about Earth.

"Why is Earth unique?"

"That answer requires 1,000,000 points."

What the hell? I can find out if there is a God for 50,000 points but knowing why Earth is unique cost 1,000,000. That makes no sense.

"Never mind. If I can't reincarnate on Earth. Where can I?"

"Worlds of fiction."

Worlds of fiction. That actually sounds pretty awesome! I've read many novels and some of them are amazing! Not to mention I can use what I know to get an advantage just like the MC's in the story! Although I can't help but wonder what else you can use it for.

"What else do people choose besides reincarnating? Also, give me more comprehensive answers."
"The next top four choices are, create a personal world, go to an afterlife of a religion, understand the secrets of the universe, and viewing loved ones on Earth."

Creating a personal world sounds like a lot of work and points. I was never really religious. Knowing the secrets of the universe could be interesting, but then what would I do. Lastly, I didn't have anyone left on Earth I wanted to watch.

"Ok. How much does it cost to reincarnate into a world of fiction?"

"With no presets. 500,000."

Well, that's not too bad, but what does he mean by presets?

"What are presets?"

"Circumstances surrounding your birth, such as race, abilities, skills, heritage, locations, time. Anything, as long as it conforms to the world built by the author."

"What happens if you go in with no presets?"

"All the presets are set to random."

"Does that mean I could be born as an ant?"

"Yes."

Well, I know at least one preset I have to choose, human. Other than that I began to think about what world of fiction I would choose. My first instinct is to pick my father's novel, maybe if he got to come here that is what he would choose.

"Can I choose to reincarnate into "The Immortals Tale" written by my father?"

"No."

"What?! Why?"

"Not enough data."

"Come on I said give me more details," I said angrily, "My father's novel was very comprehensive."

I felt like I needed to defend my dad's novel.

"A comprehensive world cannot be established easily. For a novel to qualify we need extensive data on how the world functions and is built to create a basis for governing laws. This can happen through multiple series and even through fan-fiction related to the novels. As long as it conforms to the baseline established by the author, it can be built into the world. Some are more developed than others and some have been ravaged by their reincarnators."

I understood what he meant by some being more developed than others. A world of fiction based on Naruto, Bleach, or Harry Potter would certainly be more extensive than my father's book. After all, so many people are creating fan-fiction based on them every day. What did he mean ravaged by their reincarnators though?
"What do you mean ravaged by their reincarnators?"

"The answer to this is complicated and certain parts need points."

"Tell me what you can."

"...Simply put, there is... purpose... system...also."

Greg seemed to short fuse for a second and while Connor waited for an answer, another existence suddenly took an interest in his conversation.

Suddenly, Greg appeared fine again.

"All I can say is that a world is not limited to one reincarnator. In some worlds, multiple reincarnators have led to adverse effects,"

Greg seemed to take on a more professional tone than before.

I thought about what he said for a moment. That makes sense, I'm not the greatest person to ever live on Earth surely others have arrived here before me. I'm sure worlds like Naruto, Bleach, and Harry Potter already have reincarnators. Then I thought about my favorite novel and couldn't suppress my curiosity.

"How many reincarnators does Douluo Dalu have?"

"That answer will require 10,000 points."

"Do it."

Instantly the 1,244,750 in my vision dropped to 1,234,750.

"None"

"YES!"

I was ecstatic! If I'm the first I'll have the biggest advantage. I got the feeling that in the world of fiction other reincarnators would be the biggest threat. Then I thought of something.

"How would I know if someone else reincarnated into it after me? And if they reincarnated at an earlier time even though I was the first wouldn't they already be there."

"A world begins when the first reincarnator is born. Another cannot be born before him. You can use points to be notified that a reincarnator has selected your world of fiction."

"Seriously?" They weren't kidding you can get anything. Also, I was right to assume the first had the advantage
"How much does it cost?"

"100,000 with an additional 100,000 per setting you wish to know about them."

"Ouch!"

I know I haven't looked at prices for everything but that sounds expensive. Let's hold off on getting that just yet.
"Ok. I have made my decision. I have decided to reincarnate into Douluo Dalu's world of fiction."

"That will cost 500,000 points."

"I understand."

P-734,750

"Also I want to be human."

"That will cost 10,000"

"That's cheap compared to everything else, take it."

P-724,750

My next focus has to be my abilities. Let's start with special constitutions. For instance, I could get Tang Wulin's Golden Dragon Bloodline or Tang San's fire and ice constitution that he gained from the immortal herbs and Ice and Fire Ying Yang Well.

"How much does Tang Wulin's Golden Dragon Bloodline cost?"

"That cost 1,000,000 points."

"GEEZ!"

Apparently, the abilities are where the costs are at. I couldn't even afford that ability by itself.

"Why is it so expensive?

"One-of-a-kind abilities, constitutions, or spirits cost more. So do things related to the main characters. For instance, wanting to be born in Tang San's hometown would cost more than being born somewhere else."
Hmm, I thought about it for a moment. I don't have enough points to get almost world breaking abilities but I think I can still give myself a leg up.

"Can you list out all the special constitutions?"

"No."

"What?! Why not?"

"We are prohibited from providing large amounts of information about a world. If we let you know what every constitution, spirit, or ability was it could upset the balance. The only thing we can do is provide a random selection for some presets."

"What does that mean?"

"For instance, you could pay for a random selection of a special constitution or unique special constitution by paying the average cost. Theoretically, you could pay less for something you want."

"So if I did the random unique constitution I could still get Tang Wulin's Golden Dragon Bloodline?"

"Possibly."

"How much does it cost?"

"700,000."

Suddenly I felt like puking blood.

"That's still too much!" That entire conversation was pointless..... unless.

"What about just special constitution could I still get Tang Wulin's Golden Dragon Bloodline?"

"Yes, however, the chances are smaller."

"How much does it cost?"

"300,000."

That's much more manageable.

"Let's do that."

P-424,750

A small golden tube appeared in front of me. I looked at Greg and then back at the tube. Slowly I opened it. Inside was a slip of paper.

Chapter 3: Afterlife
After looking at the slip of paper, "Twin Spirits?"

I can't tell if this is good or bad. It's not a unique special constitution but very few people had twin spirits and they were all powerful. However, now I have to get two spirits which will cost more if I don't get one random.

"How much do twin spirits normally cost?"

"400,000."

Alright, at least it was worth it. I started thinking about what spirit I could pick when I remembered what he said about fan-fictions being integrated into the world. When I was writing my fan-fiction for Douluo Dalu on Earth my main character's martial spirit was an Ifrit. It was rare, but he wasn't the only one to have it. He belonged to a clan which would usually produce someone with that spirit once a century. Essentially, it was a demon that had a supreme control of fire and an enhanced body. It was a beast type martial spirit. It was a powerful spirit which gave it's owner innate full spirit power.

"How much would an Ifrit Martial Spirit cost?"

"50,000"

"Huh?!?! Why so cheap? Are most martial spirits this cheap."

"No. Fan-fiction related abilities or skills cost less than those from the main story."

Crap. I wish I had known that sooner! It almost gives an unfair advantage to those who have read fan-fiction. I can remember a few crazy powerful spirits from other fan-fictions. I remember hearing about one fan-fiction that had a crazy overpowered spirit that was supposed to be the eye of a god that after his death became a martial spirit. I think it was called Gaia's Right Eye.

"How much for Gaia's Right Eye?"

"There is no such spirit."

"Why? My fan-fiction spirit was available."

"Your's operated within normal limits of the world of fiction. Most fan-fictions are too powerful for the world of fiction to contain."

Well, there goes using that idea. Let's at least get mine. It's powerful and I'm familiar with it.

"I choose to buy martial spirit Ifrit."

P-374,750

I don't have too much left.

"I think I might leave my other spirit to chance. There are other things I can spend my points on," I slightly mumbled barely audible.

Surprisingly Greg responded, "That's not suggested."

"Huh? Why?"

"Twin spirits require both spirits to have innate full spirit power. If your random doesn't have innate full spirit power a negative mutation is likely to occur."

I was surprised that Greg gave me advice I didn't think he could, but what he said makes sense. I remembered Grandmaster in the first Douluo Dalu talking about negative mutations and twin spirits needing to be equally strong.

I thought for a moment then said, "Ok then. How much is a random selection of innate full spirit power spirits?"

"150,000"

My funds are dwindling but I can still make that work.

"I'll take my chances."

P-224,750

Another gold tube appeared. This time I immediately opened it.

"How can this be a spirit? There must be a mistake!"

"There is no mistake. The Blood spirit is a body spirit and it is innate full spirit power."

My own blood will be my spirit? I guess it could be worse. Huo Yuhao had an eye spirit although he also had several other advantages.

What to do with the remaining points? I could see how much it cost to be born in the same village and time as Tang San or better yet Tang Wulin or Huo Yuhao. My software engineering experience could translate well to making soul weapons. Just as I was about to ask about it Greg said something.

"Would like to purchase your item on hold?"

"What item? I put an item on hold?" I was thoroughly confused.

"The advanced warning about a reincarnator picking your world of fiction."

Crap!! I thought I already had that I forgot I actually have to confirm the purchase. I'm positive other reincarnators will be my biggest danger. I will always be looking over my shoulder if I don't get this.

"Ok, I will buy it."

"How many settings do you want to know and which ones?"

Crap again!! Even if I know they selected my world I wouldn't know when they are born or anything about them. Should I pick martial spirit? If they have twin spirits or a common spirit but powerful other abilities that won't help me find them. Wait does it even continue to work after the first one?

"How many reincarnators will it alert me to?"

"As many as choose your world."

"Whew."

Well that's a relief. Now, I can only pick one setting to know. What should I choose? Suddenly I had an idea.
"Is appearance a setting?"

"No. Attractiveness is, but things like hair and eyes are all separate settings."

"Dangit!"

If I do birthplace I will have to keep it monitored 24/7 and that will get old. Not to mention there are three continents, which will make it even more difficult to keep an eye on them. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that the time of birth would be the best option. At least then I won't have to worry about them till that time. Rather than spending half my life looking for a person with a specific spirit, I can know that the person won't be born for another 1,000 years and just not have to worry about it.

"Ok, I want the advanced warning with the time setting.

P-24,750

Curious I decided to ask, "If I weren't the first how much would it cost to find out the first's settings?

"50,000 per setting."

"Why?!?! That's half of what it cost me."

"You have the advantage of being first. It gets progressively cheaper for each following reincarnation."
I was still annoyed by the differences in prices, but it is fairer that way. Hopefully, my remaining points are still enough to get me at least close to the time and location of Tang Wulin or Huo Yuhao's birth.

"How much to be born at the time and at least close to Tang Wulin or Huo Yuhao's birth."

"You no longer have enough points."

"Drat!"

"Since you are first you can be born at the start of the novel for a reduced price of 15,000."

"I guess that's better than being in-between main characters. At least I can use my knowledge of what happens with Tang San to get some advantage

"I'll take it."

P-9,750

"How much would it cost just to be born on Duoluo continent in a random place?

"20,000"

Well, I guess it's more important to be born at the right time than the right place. In that case, I already know what I want to use the remaining points for.

"Make me male."

P-8,750

"Make my name Connor Miller."

P-8,250

"Put the rest into attractiveness."

"Appearance will be adjusted to fit attractiveness."

"That's fine"

P-0

"Alright, I guess we are done. How do I go?"

"When you are ready, press the button behind you and you will be sent to the Douluo Dalu world of fiction to be born."

I turned around and was about to go press it when he continued talking.

"Before you go would you like to look at any of the random results for the presets you did not purchase?"
I turned back towards him.

"I could do that?"

"At any point."

This crooked old man really makes me want to puke blood. He couldn't have told me earlier?

"Well I guess the only one that matters at this point is location," I snarkily said.

"Ok"

A grey tube popped in front of me. Why is this one grey and not gold like the others? I opened the tube and took out the paper.

"What kinda joke are you trying to play?"

"No joke."

"This isn't even one of the continents in Douluo Dalu!"

"If fan-fictions can create spirits why can't they create continents? Abyss Guard continent was part of a well-built fan-fiction and was therefore included in the Douluo Dalu world of fiction."

I swear he smirked when he said that. I can't believe I missed such an obvious detail. I would have rather given up knowing the time preset for future reincarnators than end up on a continent I knew absolutely nothing about. Even one of the other three was at least workable. They were close enough that I could have tried to travel to Douluo continent. With this, I would have no idea if the residents knew about the other continents or which direction they might be in. I fell like I was tricked! All of my knowledge about what happens in the first novel of Douluo Dalu is basically useless now! I feel like murdering this crappy old man!

Wait, maybe there is another chance.

"Can I refund any of my purchases?"

"No."

"Ahhhh!"

I turned around and slammed the button. I swear if he says anything else I really will puke blood.

As soon as he hit the button Connor was engulfed in darkness and disappeared. Still standing there in the place was Greg. However, he was frozen and no longer moving. Suddenly, two voices could be heard that seemed to come from nowhere.

"This one malfunctioned."

"Yeah, it's been a long time since we had someone that asks so many questions."

"Why did you help him?"

"Who said I helped him?"

"You told him about the random selection generator, about the Twin Spirits needing to be equal, and you reminded him to get the advanced warning system. They are only supposed to know about those if they figure it out on their own."

"So what? I gave him a nudge. It won't make that big of a difference."

"Sure, that's what you said last time."

"Ugghh, stop reminding me about that. I have a good feeling about this one. It won't be anything like last time."
"You better hope so."

Meanwhile, Conner was hurtling through the darkness.

If you stuck with me this long thanks for reading even if you don't comment. If you can though, leave your opinion. Also, feel free to check out my other novel https://www.webnovel.com/book/10685728705112005/The-Archaic-System