Hi, I'm a new author with a writing experience of just a couple of weeks. I've been a reader of novels from paperback versions to light novels and am currently using Web Novel for almost a year. I have given reviews, suggestions, ratings,etc to plenty of novels out there but the moment i started writing a novel on my own, I'm completely drawing a blank here. I'm unable to judge my story from a third person's view. I am not sure if the plot that i feel is good, transparent and interesting feels the same way to others. Therefore i want interested readers to review the new novels posted on this thread so that the author can fix the direction of his future improvement ( constructive or destructive doesn't matter. As long as the review has a supportive logic it is acceptable and will help the author grow).
I'll start with mine
Title: I Hate Systems
Author: Overlord_Venus
Current published chapters: 13
Date of start: 12.11.2018
https://www.webnovel.com/book/12200080106081005/I-Hate-Systems

    yosi there are a few points you must note
    1. Start a sentence with a capital letter, leave commas and full stops.
    2. Make sure your paragraphs look pleasing to the eye
    3. Your grammar is not disastrous, except people from Western countries who had English as their primary language, other readers wouldn't mind your present level much though you would have to improve you skills constantly.
    I will post a review when there are atleast 10 chapters since your one chapter doesn't give any details about the plot, characters, etc.

        Overlord_Venus thanks bro.by the way I read your novel it's interesting but your spacing is all over the place separate dialogue from paragraph so it's not so distracting to read

          Mine's just hit ten chaps today, but please take a look and tell me what you think. Getting no feedback is way worse than getting bad feedback, I'm realizing. I'm a first time serializer but I was getting paid in the past to ghostwrite fiction (that's where I clocked in my hours of practicing how to write). I'm sorry I can't claim I'm an amateur, guys, but please don't judge me on that, I'm also a beginner here T-T

          Please help:
          https://www.webnovel.com/book/12203458605078605

          Thanks.

          P.S. I spent last weekend going over the posts in the forums that were asking for reviews. I checked them out and gave reviews to those I have nice things to say to. Now I know negative feedback is still better than none, so... yeah, I won't hold back next time. I'm going to make this a weekend ritual :)

            Overlord_Venus Thank you for taking the time :) I'm grateful that's your opinion. If my story idea itself is bad, I'm thinking no amount of grammar polishing could save it, I'll have to rewrite. I just really really need to know if I would need to do that before continuing. Thanks for your feedback!!!

              Overlord_Venus

              Here is an edited version of your chapter. Compare the differences between punctuation, wording, and usages of commas. A great addon is Grammarly: https://Grammarly.com

              A certain entity was fleeing rapidly in the vast expanses of the universe, its destination unknown. This was an entity whose very existence would make all lifeforms kneel and worship in fear, for this very entity was a "GOD" who went by the name of Zeit. Zeit's external appearance may look normal, or in the eyes of mortals as godly, but only Zeit knew the extent of injuries it had suffered. The only reason a God like Zeit was fleeing was that its entire race had been exterminated in the 'Royal Battlefield', the only realm in the entire universe where the "7th Natal war" took place. The 7th Natal war, even thinking about that horrible bloodbath brought great regret and anger to its mind, but knowing that it could no longer do anything to ease its pain and suffering, it started to look for its final resting place: a place far away from all the wars and death.

              "Huh?" Zeit frowned while passing by a blue planet, for it contained traces of life in it."A planet so far into the cosmos. Hmm...interesting." Zeit neared the planet while pondering, "A young planet with only a few thousand years of life sustenance, but…." As it entered into the planet's atmosphere, Zeit was scared shitless, "This is no young planet, there are plenty of remnant auras of powerful gods. How is this possible in such a remote corner of the universe? The laws of this world...Damn."

              Before Zeit could complete its monologue, countless chains created from the worldly laws wrapped around Zeit, dragging it to the planet's core. "Heh….I may be injured, but I'm no pushover...This planet, let this be my resting place...Burst!" He said, a feeling of peace and serenity creeping onto its face as Zeit's body slowly broke down into millions of fragments, scattering over the entire planet.

              "Heh…I won't be bored here…" Zeit said while seeing its consciousness fade as the mysterious worldly chains disappeared from existence.

              Hope this helps!

              FroSyn

                  FrozenSynapses Nice :) I'm also a great believer in how much Grammarly makes a difference. I'd just add, never exceed three periods (...) -- I think that's called an ellipsis. And note that there should be a space after it.

                    FrozenSynapses wow, amazing, it feels a lot better, I'll just replace this version with the one I uploaded, thanks a lot for your help and insight ( I still have yet to incorporate the changes pointed out by the others, blame my speed 😅😅)

                      4 months later

                      I will be without shame myself, anyone who wish so can you read, comment, donate stones of power and make a Review I also reciprocate, just mark me or answer me here.

                      There are only two chapters for now.

                      The Way of the Sword- BL
                      alernatetext

                      Thanks.

                        a year later
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