I've been working on my original for quite some time now, however, I would love some critique regarding my story, not my grammar as I know it needs work and I am in the process of improving it. Please tell me what you think of it and it's entertaining in any way.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/11490700006393605/30845283483043450/Una-Fabula/Strangers%3A-Part-1
Yahdeus I am only making a wild guess, I think the mellow tone of the narrator sounds far, far too different to the style of storytelling used in WN. Plus the opening topic was heavy -- it's very true, though, I agree with most -- but from what I understood from the Book of Authors, the target audience are those who like lighter stuff. You kind of went to existentialist territory in your first couple of chaps. Suggestion: maybe start the story in the middle of the action and loop back to the original beginning at some point. Tone of voice could also use perking up. Thanks for this, I gained some insights too. Good luck :)
That title has got to go, I don't know what it means, and I wont google it...
Just from that, I feel like your novel is full of jargon, so I am even less likely to read it. Naturally
Sense you requested a review...
I thought it was dope, but your really milking content and your release rate is horrible, chapters are short as well, right now my thoughts are cool story never going to finish.
recommendation, advance the plot more! As your novel is not funny, nor was it meant to be. It lacks something to really make a reader CARE, and if I do not care, I sure as hell wont read it.
quickest review ever.
the title will make it seem like a spanish or italian novella
Like what WinterBud said, your topic is too thought-provoking for webnovel readers. People want face-slapping, fluff, those kind of stuff. Not things that make them question their life. Doesn't mean that it's not doable, perhaps you can sneak in these stuff into the plot but the way you're addressing them head-on is not going to work [at least on this platform].
Yahdeus that being said after reading though a bit more i like this story it flows rather well kind of a nice change from my usual reads,
Forsaken1 I kept thinking that the title was going to put off people but I wasn't sure if I should keep it or not. It is a heavy-handed novel. It's funny that you said that I was moving slow pace-wise. I thought I was moving too quickly so thank you for saying that. I will def move the plot much quicker. What do you think will make the readers care? Thank you very much for the feedback.
lazyredragon I was thinking that also when writing the title. It's a mix of latin and spanish. I will think of fixing the title.
Lonelytree I will def think of adding some new content to make it work. thank you once again.
Take things to a higher extreme, as I went for a snack this, came to my mind your novel, if I recall was mostly about the interaction between two people, while it is a BIT sad, that all it is to it you allude to a deeper plot.
if you where writing a normal novel this might be ok, but this is a web novel I feel the hook needs to be at the start.
This is something, I wrote I'm not happy with it, but maybe you could learn something from it, or I am shamelessly pushing for a review on it. https://forum.webnovel.com/d/16388-could-someone-gloss-this-for-me-no-links
I feel like the content is right, but its presentation could be better.
