() delete those
{} add those
[] My thoughts.
("Toss the bottles inside!") If still using then use 'in' instead of inside
"Burn the whore!" "Slaughter the bitch." [change order]
Startled by the chants, Kaylah jumped out of bed.
{-"Tss..." The old lamp shattered in confusion. I was her father's gift for Christmas.}
"Son of a bitch" she hollered {-roared}
[Sorry, but I had to search what it meant.] (while cleaning her knee.)
{-"Cough...cough..." she gasped, inhaling} (Kylah inhaled )the smog generated by the flame that (is) {-was} {-already} ravaging {the walls} ( borders of her home.) The blaze was destroying everything (in sight)
{-Her sight fell on her whimpering Dog. He was dying}(someone even killed her dog.)
[I don't know how?]
She saw the mob surrounding her home. Her heart pounded, her hands trembled, her knees were buckling, but as she watched {one by one} (one of her) (mementos) {-mementoes} [-use simple word like souvenier, keepsakes vanishing in the fire, or getting engulfed.] vanished, she regained her desire to fight.
(She rushed to preserve the photo, the first one she took with father and placed it in her undergarment.)
She rushed to a cabinet taking out a photo stuffing in her lingerie. [tell who was in the photo later]
Her, original concern was to preserve that picture (and put it in her lingerie.) [no need to repeat twice.
"That whore may be a thief {fast and sleek}, but we have the numbers." "Burn the {whole} place (and the slut into the ground!")
{with the slut in it alive.}
{"Burn her alive."}
Surrounded, by an inferno, (and) her lungs were rapidly filling with smoke. There was no exit, so she had to make one. After looking around, she noticed an aged propane tank, one used for cooking. She rushed at the tank, and while enduring the burns tossed it (toward ) {-to} one of the burning walls.
"Keep it up, men!" "Valentina killed her father, kill this bitch and we will get paid!"
Kaylah heard the name Valentina and (burned) {imprinted it} it into her soul. Unaware, of why her home was targeted, she knew finding this woman is vital. (Only later concluded that her father had died.) [is showing no emotion don't mention now maybe later]
Boom.
The tank exploded and the wooden wall busted open. It had sent flaming shards towards everything, including Kaylah.
Kaylah grit her teeth, as the shards hit her torso, and burned her lingerie. It had caught fire, which caused the edges of her black hair to ignite. {were charred}
{Luckily,} [the word don't seem to fit the situation.]
"Splash" she plunged into nearby riverbed. It was smelly and nasty.}
(Kaylah lived near the nasty riverbed. She realized it would be absurd to slow down and plunged in.)
It was not a decent stream, but it put out the fire on her body.
"Half of you maggots chase her through the river." "The rest of you (vermin) block her escape path."
Kaylah smelled like the ocean [?] {filthy} and the fire had damaged her outfit to bits. (She had to adjust her outfit and scent.)
Using her (speed) and momentum, she made her pursuers to lose sight of her. She had to escape the area promptly, or compromise being exposed. Applying her techniques as a thief, she swiped from a random pickpocket.
Providing herself with cash, to subsidize her disappearance.
She rushed towards a bathhouse, (one acknowledged to sell out bathing garments. It was not a proper method, but) [Again no need for righteousness] it was in the same direction as her sanctuary.
Kaylah broke into the bathhouse, it was a nice {clean} place and
[Add her look para]
she looked dreadful. The servant stared at her in dismay and doubted(,) she legitimately entered but {she looked dangerous, they} knew better than to examine matters. It would be dangerous for her if this (adolescent) ? was someone powerful. {found out her hideout}
The attendants attitude rather upset Kaylah, but she had to tolerate it. She dashed towards the changing room, and while she was disposing of her bra, the old photo {she safeguarded fell.
It was a picture of a middle-aged man with her} [whatever describe the photo]
(her papa took with her fell out.)
Kaylah noticed a note on the backside and wondered, "what does it say?"
