It's a bit unclear throughout your story of who is doing what thoughts when it involves both Kaylah and other people's thoughts.
However, after seeing all the chaos from the inferno destroying her home, she thinks “I must escape.” okay, this is Kaylah's thoughts
“This mob surrounding my home will block me from using normal escape paths, fuck!” okay, this is still Kaylah's thoughts. Continuing this pattern, the next one should still be her thoughts.
“That whore may be a thief, but we have the numbers men do not be afraid! hmm. seems believable. she might be cursing the whore-thief.
“Burn the place and the slut into the ground.” so.. she wants to burn the place down now?
There's a sudden shift in point of view, from "third person point of view" to "first person". Namely, from using "Kaylah/She" to using "I". Try not to do that.
Kaylah looked for an escape path, but all the windows, and the rear exit where covered. She began to panic but forced herself calm. Noticing all her mementos were burning, she rushed to save a photo, the first one she took with her father and proceeded to place it in her bra.
I am surrounded, by an inferno, and my lungs are slowly filling with smoke. There is no exit, so I had to make one. After looking around, my old propane tank came into sight. I proceeded to run towards the tank, and while enduring the burns I tossed it toward one of the burning walls.
Most common writing advice: Show, don't tell.
Try not to describe the intent so much, but rather, describe the action being taken. You're stuck "telling" a lot of things that is happening instead of "showing" it. Try showing it instead.
For example, here:
Kaylah heard the chants, and jumped out of bed, hitting her knee on an old lamp that she got for Christmas present a few years back. However, after seeing all the chaos from the inferno destroying her home, she thinks “I must escape.”
Kaylah looked for an escape path, but all the windows, and the rear exit where covered. She began to panic but forced herself calm.
This could be changed into something more fun and descriptive:
Kaylah jumped out of bed—startled by the voices chanting outside—and in the process, slammed her knee into an old lamp that she had received as a Christmas present a few years back.
“Mother fu—“, she hollered while holding her knee, but the smell of smoke, accompanied by the wonderful sight of raging inferno licking every wall in her home, greeted her.
Her heart started pounding, her hands shaking, and her breaths quickened. She looked around quickly, her eyes darting from the door to the windows, and back to the flames that were quickly surrounding her. She knew she couldn't escape through the doors and windows as the mob had likely already surrounded her home and prepared for that eventuality. She crouched down and forced herself to take some deep breaths, trying her best to steady her shaking hands. She wanted to stay as calm as possible, even more so when her life is on the line."I need to get out of here," she thought...
See? Originally, you "told" me that after seeing all the chaos from the inferno destroying her home, she thinks “I must escape.”
Whereas I "showed" you that the smell of smoke, accompanied by the wonderful sight of raging inferno licking every wall in her home, greeted her.
Here's a brief guide on show, don't tell. Your writing would benefit tremendously from some simple "show → tell" changes.
The content itself, the story, seems like it's moving along in a good direction. You've a character who is immediately chased down and is trying to survive these murder attempts. There's an unknown force out to kill her, and her father is already dead. We don't know much about this world at this time (which is great), but some hints we do get are:
- There are propane tanks in this world
- Mob mentality + public lynching/burning of someone's house while they're sleeping seems to be normal.
- Public bathhouses are common
- They're afraid of thieves.
You just need to watch out for some minor grammatical/spelling errors, such as:
Using her skills as a thief, she robed a random pickpocket
Surely she didn't put a robe onto a random pickpocket in the middle of a street now, did she? Yes, I know you stated that this is a draft only, so small mistakes like this is to be expected. But I just really wanted to point out that she robed a pickpocket!
Plot-wise, it's pretty good for an introductory chapter. We've a villain who plotted to kill the main character straight off the bat. We get to see a bit of the main character's resourcefulness.
The character has a good chance to be amazing, depending on how you'll introduce the background later, her competence, her proactiveness, and her likeability.