Hello. I'm wondering if anyone would drop some constructive criticism on my story? I'd be more than willing to leave a review/ comment as well!
Author: TheSpiderNextDoor
Title: The undead and her useless Master
Genre: Fantasy
Novel link:https://www.webnovel.com/book/15190257106456405/The-undead-and-her-useless-Master
Synopsis:Many years ago, a girl was cursed after causing a great tragedy. She was cursed to live forever, but that's a good thing, right? After living through most of the traumatic moments in history, and experiencing many painful deaths, she realizes that her curse wasn't just petty dying words from those who hated her. One day, a strange elderly lady gives her a book that enables her to summon Satan, but when the book summons what seems to be a fraud. She comes up with a sinister plan of her own..

    Nothing is free

    -Im Spirit

      Slewis
      Feel free to go all out! I'm mostly wanting to know if my story is trash or not. When I'm finished reading yours, I'll leave a review. Thanks!

          TheSpiderNextDoor I must confess I absolutely adore your way of writing! In regard to the review, I am afraid that in the end, things became rather chaotic, as I kept on adding comments and opinions that contradicted earlier statements because, in the end, I found the quality of the chapters to greatly differ. I decided to delete it and write you a more comprehensive one by the end of the day.

          My apologies.

              Sigheti That's fine! I found what you wrote thus far to be extremely helpful. As for me, I'm a slow reader, but I will do my best to read all chapters before writing my review.

                  TheSpiderNextDoor

                  This is a more elaborate review. I found that my previous was incomprehensible and contradicting, hence I deleted it.

                  I wish to note that the following points are by no means an indicator that I am able to successfully do them myself. On the contrary. The review below is given as a reader of your story, not as a writer. I simply wish to show what I feel while reading your story, without claiming that I do know how you should write it.

                  Secondly, this is highly personal. Other readers may not agree or feel entirely different when reading, but, as I stated above, I merely wish to give you a glimpse of how it is to read your story.

                  Because I mainly concentrated on the aspects which seemed to have the potential to improve, (in the hopes to help you progress rather than simply singing you praise) I may create the impression that I find your writing lacking, or that I did not enjoy the story. Nothing could be further from the truth.

                  So that being said, let is get into it.

                  The first few lines are very immersive and show me you have the ability to paint the scene beautifully. Later on, the appearance of satan piques my interest but he is unable to fully impress me. He seems devilish, but I don’t feel as if he is such an overbearing presence as I would have assumed.

                  Whether this is intentionally done, because Follia doesn’t seem that impressed with him either later on, I do not know.

                  Her character gives me the impression that she is indeed, immortal, but she still seems to have some youthful naivety clinging to her. This makes for an interesting character, but leaves me wondering whether she really is ‘that’ old.

                  I would love to have a more distinct description of the demon appearing before her. Green piercing eyes, blank expression, black hair and white skin, has an attitude problem. Alright, but I would love to know more about the way he stands, his posture, his bearing. The way he moves his hands or his eyes look when he looks about the room.

                  The following is highly personal, but I grew a bit tired of the typical overbearing pretty demon appearance. Give me some originality! Give me some flaws! I would like to know more about him at this point. Show me peculiar character details. Any particular violence, abruptness or charm in the way he moves? A particular way he moves his eyebrows? Does he make exaggerated hand motions when he talks? Scratches nonchalantly? Does he look away in uncomfortableness when he realised he was unable to kill her?

                  Later on in the chapter she mentions that she has known awful horrors already, but she doesn’t completely convince me by simply stating it. (It is far better portrayed in other chapters, for example chapter 5.)

                  During chapter three, I would like to know more about the people in the classroom. It doesn’t have to be that much, certainly not if they aren’t important for the rest of the story, but it would make the scene more interesting, as we are now only permitted a very limited first view into the class. The classmates seem to be mere background fillers, and while that’s alright, I would feel more like she actually went to school if you were to let me know more about the people she is surrounded by.

                  BUT, I don’t know why she still bothers to go to school when she wishes to die anyway. She wants to die. She must be depressed, tired of life. Show me she is. Show me she really just wants to die. Have her not shower for days. Have her know that she has things to clean, people to talk to, work to finish, but not finding the energy to do it. Have her not get out of bed because she‘s exhausted from her never ending life.

                  During the fourth chapter, again, I would love to know more. Does his smirk reach his eyes? And give me more than just the way he smiles. You show me a lot of attitude already in the way he talks, give me more so in his manner. Same goes for Folia. Show me how she moves. Don’t just tell me she is scared, how does her body react to these emotions? Does she have a nervous quirk when scared or emotional? Does she balls her hands, picks her skin? Does she shift her weight from leg? Does she crosses her arm, unconsciously holding a defensive posture?

                  I won’t do all chapters, but I do hope this was more helpful than the review.

                      This will be something I will be working on (more realistic and fleshed-out characters). Thank you again for taking the time to go into such elaborateness. I was hoping that I could get a readers' discerning opinion. So I'm very grateful!

                      Thank you. I start to write as a hobby but would like people's opinion.

                      Author: Pleione
                      Title: Chains of Fate (BL)
                      Genre: Boyloves, Romance, Fantasy
                      Novel Link: https://www.webnovel.com/book/15617615306342605
                      Synopsis:
                      "Fate. A cruel trickster. An ironic chronicle. An inevitable existence. Even the almighty God cannot avoid.” Kano has recently returned to his home, still figuring out his future. He is drawn to the eyes, that are miniature Earth themselves. One night, his life changes because of those same eyes. Neo’s life has been predetermined since his birth but he has no qualms about it. Everything turns upside down when the guy with the husky velvet voice appears. Will they be able to tell their own stories or are they already written?

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