PeachyPearl
Then I'll start without abandon and do forgive me if it irritates you or makes you angry at me.
After all, am still on the other side of the screen, you can't possibly thrash me π
1- You don't have your name written on the book cover. Add it as soon as possible. It helps to spread your name around and looks more professional. (Even I don't have my name added on my own book cover. The idiot took money from me and didn't even do the work properly. I'll get it done sometime next month lol)
2- I'll point out the specific mistakes in chapter 1 (i have added a few words I felt were more befitting to the situation. You can use them or their synonyms if you want.)
Innocent and ignorant to anything you want ( unknown doesn't fit the sentence)
Gloomy, obscure, chilly and eerie (wrong spellings) and also remove one of the four words. It's too much description which boggles the reader's mind.
A handful of (you missed of) weapons.
The smell...coming from the outside (reaching is not the right word to use here)
An ocean of tears (you missed an and oceans is wrong)
Gushed down or better yet trickled down in rivulets. Use whichever you feel is a better substitute.
The FL's cheeks can't be soft, smooth and fluffy since she is being held in captivity (unless she has some innate and hidden powers to remain ever youthful π
)
She was an eye witness to the death of her loved ones....helplessly tied to a chair, unable to do anything except watch in horror as atrocities were committed, her mournful screams echoed in the vast space (it's just an example. You could write some other description and add that, your choice π)
were boundless emotions....
A number of questions arose in her heart. (Use two sentences here and change bulk to number)
....as he was slumped on the floor, blood dripping out the back of his head where he had been hurt by a sharp object/heavy pipe (this is just an example. Just change the words and add a bit of description to it. Lay flat on the floor doesn't give the reader a vivid description)
....hard drive that was given to you by that bastard army officer (you missed a few words)
Aunt! No, don't hurt her. (You missed the comma after no)
Screams, howls and groans (not groaning) of those on their last great ( those dying doesn't add gravitas to the situation, if this is the catalyst which changes the FL, you need to portray that to the reader) were being imprinted..... (Change the verb usage here)
The unending tragedies (you can keep sufferings if you want but tragedies is a better alternative, I think, maybe) of the night were making the night appear darker than ever before, surrounding her, suffocating her with the horror she had been forced to witness ( show how the darkness of the night seems to be pressing upon the FL)
She had been tortured earlier but the pain...(was tortured doesn't seem to fit the sentence when it's being continued by but)
Slits, ....were all over the bodies of her loved ones. The brushes and cuts seemed to crisscross from everywhere to everywhere else (add this to show how they had been tortured mercilessly by those people)....her loved ones - people more precious to her than her own life, people who had been akin to a shade of vast tree to hide her from the harsh realities of the world. (Once again just an example. Show the readers how close she was to the family members. You say in your synopsis that she was dependent on them....show it here)
....her heartbeat racing....(use better adjectives)
Without pause, she howled her fury and sadness to the high heavens (let the FL shout her emotions to let the readers connect with her)
....bystander to the slaughter...(i feel this would be a better alternative)
Phew....done with the first chapter....
I think you can get the gist of what am trying to tell you here...if you still want, I can do the rest of them as well but that would only be a chapter a day since that would take a bit of time.....
Hopefully, I haven't pissed you off with all my chattering and you weren't offended by anything I have jotted down here... βΊβΊβΊβΊππππ