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Are you a writer who has recently come up with an amazing title for a book, but can't start doing anything with it because you don't know what to call yourself as a writer?
Well fear not, brave citizen! Picking a writer name is super easy, and honestly requires absolutely no forethought or preparation! Why, it's honestly better to not even think about it at all and just pick the first thing you think sounds cool, regardless of what it actually means!
Now, there are a couple simple and easy ways to pick a great Author Name, but which one you are going to use depends on what kind of writer you are wanting people to know you as. A romance writer couldn't possibly use the same writer name as a grimdark fantasy writer! After all, your writer name has to SOUND like you write the kinds of stories you're wanting to write, or else no one will ever ever read them no matter how cool or interesting they sound!
If you're a romance writer, you need a girly sounding name. Are you a girl? Who cares! As far as the reader is concerned, you're a bonafide lady, and should have a name that no one could EVER misconstrue as belonging to anyone but a member of the "definitely-not-a-man-because-men-who-write-romance-novels-are-gay" club! Pick two English adjectives, a noun, and maybe a conjunction like "and", and stick them together in literally any way you can think of! Who cares if it makes literally no sense? Now remember, your name needs to remind everyone that you're definitely not a macho bearded man in disguise, so ONLY use words that reference little animals, sugary foods, or flowers! Why, names like "Sweets Flood", or "Chubby Strawberry Sauce", or "Sugar Blossom and Bloom" are only the tip of the iceberg!
Now, are you a Chinese writer? If so, use your actual name. No English reader from anywhere outside China has any idea what a correct Chinese name is supposed to be, and having a foreign sounding name will score you bonus points! Or just follow the advice for choosing a romance story nickname above, only deliberately make it make less than zero sense. After all, what better way to convince native English readers that you have a good command of the language you're writing in than to sign every chapter with the name "A Bone The Sweetly Trumpet Man"?
Are you a Western, non-Chinese writer, but want to appeal to a Chinese audience? Make up a Chinese-sounding name by cramming together different Chinese words you think you might have heard one time in a movie somewhere. When in doubt if it's an actual word or name, do it anyway! No one outside China will notice or care if you calling yourself Zhing Zhang Xiao sounds ridiculous, and if any Chinese reader questions your name, tell them it's satirical and meant to critique the West's appropriation of the East that began in earnest in the mid 19th Century during the Opium Wars and the opening of Japanese ports to American influence before the Meiji Reformation. That's sure to shut them up!
On the other hand, are you a Chinese writer who wants a Western-sounding name to appeal to a Western audience? Well then, look no further than the handy chart below to select a perfectly natural-sounding English name to write under!
Now, last but not least, are you a non-Chinese, non-English native, looking for a name that appeals both demographics? Then follow all of the rules at once! Who cares if your name is an affront before the eyes of the Almighty? Let's be honest here- no one reads stories on WN not written by one of the two demographics I just mentioned anyways, so just go wild. Pick something like a Hindi word translated into French and then typed out phonetically in Cyrillic so literally no one can ever find your story by searching for it!
I hope this has been informative! And remember:
God is dead, Nothing Matters, and in a few trillion years the heat death of the universe will render even the very existence of matter undetectable.
Sleep well! <3
