Forty-Seventh Thought: What people think when I tell them I write a BL novel (long rant that may be insignificant)

I rarely get positive responses although I do see progress in accepting the LGBTQ+ community in an ever-changing society. First off, I would say that I'm proud of writing BL but the prejudice against it is overwhelming. My peers would ask about what I write and when I list A Warrior's Love, I know I have to warn them.
"Oh, that one is a BL. You know, boy x boy or contains homosexuality..."
I have collected different views and I try to not feel discouraged every single time. I've been asked whether the male characters kiss a lot or do the deed every chapter. I always reply with a straight face "I'm not a p••• writer."
Apparently, it's also more acceptable if the characters don't show their love through skin contact. I call that bullshit. I always wonder if they would also read a heterosexual romance book without seeing intimacy.
They also ask if there is a top or bottom. More feminine one? I mean, seriously! Why can't two men full of tostesterone and insecurities be versatile when heterosexual couples can? Why does one have to be weaker? Why can't they both be weak for each other? Or strong for each other?
Most questions about the novel are based on sex which I do not like to discuss because my novel is more than two men having a••• sex! Besides, I haven't written such scenes yet. I might never.
Anyway, I am an author who is secretly a romantic in this harsh world. I put what I wish for in my novels so my characters can live the life I can't have.
I want all my lovers to be open and trusting with each other. They learn to feel comfortable around their SO, that they can share their experiences without feeling shame. They are patient with each other, never forceful or rushed. Sure, there may be episodes full of angst and blood, but communication is key. Trust is key. Knowing that they are enough for their SO is what I want to write. I would try to avoid fits of tremendous jealousy although that is common. Characters will refrain from using violence on their partner. They think twice before speaking because they are afraid to lose their source of happiness and strength. Both parties help each other, they walk together, cry together, perhaps even die together! (Totally not a spoiler for any novel). This is what I want to write between hetero couples, gay couples, lesbian couples...
I hate reading smut every two chapters. When sex scenes take up more than actual storytelling, I'm out. I hate reading about aggressive behaviour towards the person you should cherish like your life. If a character always lets the abuser back into their life, I'm out. I hate reading excessive drama that could be solved by one sentence that would come out if it wasn't for pride. Can't say "sorry" or "I love you because..."? My best friend is the door right there. I hate reading characters who prance around a bush or do unecessary things to 'win' their partner. I don't like reading about constantly treating SOs as objects. It doesn't matter either if they're male or female.
I do write about these things, but I don't glorify it as 'love' or 'proof' of love. Perhaps my vision of love is too out of reach. My type of love has been described as easy love, but it really isn't.
Love should promote growth. Lovers grow together after growing alone for so long. They grow to their graves and their love helps grow trees. Love should not be a burden or obligation. It shouldn't be for entertainment or for periodical satisfaction.
Love is not only what happens in a bed. It's what happens when one fails, when the other reacts to momentary solitude, when one is sick, when the other is stressed, it's what happens between the two every second of the day and night. How lovers are affected by each other.
I'm going off on a long and boring rant, but I don't appreciate being seen as a perverted author just because I write BL. I put so much thought into the relationships I want to see and read more often. I'm a broken person, but my ideas of healthy relationships are too boring or too childish? Listening to someone you love is childish? Sharing true feelings is childish! Oh, I think my eyes will roll back soon.
I put so much emotions into creating real, but healthy relationships just to be judged by two letters: BL. BL isn't bad. BL is also a broad genre. Toxic relationships are probably bad.
I've been single for so long and I've been called picky or my standards are too high. I'm trying to live a dream or whatnot. I just don't want to be killed for something that should revive me. If a good novel and relationship these days is the opposite of what I envision, I want no part in it.
I was never one to follow the crowd. I'm probably going to regret posting this, but I wanted to take this load off my chest for a bit. I apologize for repeating so much and if you read the whole thing...what made you do it?

    ValKree There're pros and cons to any genre. LGBTQ characters or components in stories tend to have a typical response, which you've pointed out here. Especially for fantasy fiction. Somehow, I get the response from peeps I know that when I say I'm writing a fantasy with a gay protagonist, they instantly think Roman Gladiators. Like where did that askew perception come from?

    I guess it comes down to most readers generalized perception of Yaoi/gay romance content. I do admit that a lot of the gay romance can amount to smut. Similar to a lot of hetero porn/hentai. So, unfortunately, a stigma exists that gay romance or elements are akin to nothing but porn. You and I know that's not necessarily true.

    It's a constant battle I've faced for many years. I've been rejected by a large publication house, in my early years of writing, because they didn't want to invest in the risk of selling a high fantasy story with a gay protagonist. It was kind of unthinkable until the popularity of boys love had opened the way for LGBTQ stories and protagonists into mainstream categories.

    LGBTQ+ fiction/protagonists has only really been inducted into mainstream categories in the last 10 years, as I've seen it. There's still a lot of old school thinking that takes some time to see beyond the stereotype.

    I think the only way to bridge the gap of perception is to ensure more quality stories and content are made to make a difference.

    It's cool I've found a fellow BL writer on here. :grin:

        Veronica8
        That's true, and it's sad that genres have to have certain images. The way I see it, novels are expressions that cannot be categorized because so many different emotions and stories are rolled into one novel. Ah well, I'm only a dreamer in this vast universe. Roman Gladiators? That is pretty interesting because I never get that reaction. I do wonder how that is the first thing they think.

        Yes, I have read and watched many Yaoi comics and shows. I have an app where I can watch BL shows from Asian countries and although it is nice to see such shows are being welcomed, the reason is not the best. Comments are always "When are they going to kiss?" or "What about sex?" Sadly, this also happens for shows with heterosexual couples but that isn't the topic for today. I think items with those components are in high demand because potential audience would rather see smut than slow burning love. This is fine, but I don't like the pressure I get when people tell me I should write more sex scenes to satisfy the audience.

        Oh my, that must've been a struggle. I don't plan to publish any of my works but it must feel so bad to be rejected just because of the protagonist's sexual orientation. I'm glad BL has become popular recently and I'm too young to remember when LGBTQ stories became popular. The last decade has been full of change, but I still wonder what made BL books more acceptable. Is it the messages of the novels...or is it the expectations of what is to be seen? Sometimes, I don't know why readers like reading my BL books. I only hope they aren't expecting hardcore stuff because well, I'll be a huge disappointment.

        Old school thinking is fine until someone uses them to attack me or my fictional characters (this has happened before). I can't understand people who do not understand "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything". Like, move on and find another novel, I won't hunt someone for dropping my novels. I would love to hunt that person who called me a 'fag' for writing BL. I wonder why some people think their mean words would affect me because if I'm truthful, I love writing BL as much as I love writing hetero stuff.

        Stereotypes are hard to eradicate completely and sometimes, they jump out of the shadows to bite us when we least expect it. I can only keep writing and hopefully, show others that BL is not necessarily the 'evil' or 'sinful' genre. So, I agree with you. Slowly, there will be progress made.

        I know, right? When I read that you write about homosexual couples, I just stared at my phone. There are many writers here too so I don't feel alone. Before, I had to hide my works or 'soften' it to cater to my old audience. Keep being awesome!

        Wipes tears

        Edit: Why do I always write so much....

          Forty-Eighth Thought: My Abnormal Amount of White Hair Makes Me a Goddess

          I still don't know whether it is due to stress, genetics or outside factors, but I have tons of white hair and I'm still a teenager. Anyway, I once had a young girl call me out for my white hair. She said, "She's young and has white hair! She must be a god!"
          I watched several Asian dramas where female and male characters have full white hair and they are either wise cultivators or deities. I did not feel insulted because I think being mistaken for a powerful person is awesome.
          My mom's brother is in his forties and his whole head is white. Seeing how my hair is right now, I might reach his point earlier. I don't hate my white hair, I just hope it's not a serious medical problem.
          Even if I end up with a white head before I'm wrinkled, I won't feel any different. It's just hair and platinum hair was popular at one point. I don't know if it is anymore.

          This is like the last stand of a wholesome space on WN, so Imma rest here to recharge from seeing all the toxicity elsewhere. =w=

          Whew~

            Chryiss Awww yeah, I'm trying to be the opposite of my real self: Sunny and positive with a few rantings every so often. I'm glad this thread seems to put smiles on faces that may be across the globe or an hour away from me.
            I do see toxicity everywhere I go so this place is like a 'Positive Pavilion'. Where we can sit and share stories, laugh and wonder how the OP (me) is so stupid. XD
            If I start a thread just for negativity, every single reader would probably fall into the Depression of Depression. Not good so here is a nicer thread, a gem I hope.

              Forty-Ninth Thought: I'm Confused, Am I a Mom or Dad and Why are Titles Getting Longer?

              Alright, another cute storytime with ValKree. So, when I was still in elementary school, I was very close with a small boy who used to be bullied because of his size. I wonder how hes doing now...
              Anyway, one day that I thought was a normal day, he found me during recess. Why? To give me a pink card with my name on it. Well, half of my name because he couldn't spell past "Chris". I asked him what the card was. I didn't think it was my birthday.
              I opened it up to see it was for Mother's Day. I didn't know what to say because im not his mother and he spent time to make me a card. I asked him why he gave me the card. He said it had my name on it, duhh.
              I asked why he wouldn't give it to his real mom. He says that I spent more time with him every day which was about two hours a day. I found that bit a little sad, but he still loved his mom.
              Alright, so I asked why the card was pink. He got upset and started waving his arms around. "I know, right? You like blue and I was about to choose blue paper but they said it's for dads! They're so annoying." I suddenly realized that I may have been influencing him. I was a proud momma bird but I hoped his mother wouldn't cause me trouble for what I did. She never did.
              Then, he has an idea to remedy the pink cards. "For Father's Day, I will make two cards. One for daddy and one for you!"
              To this day, I'm not sure if I'm a mom or dad. I have gotten past getting a son in name, but what was I?

              Dang...my life has been crazy. So many odd situations I found myself in. This is only one of a tonne.

                MeriemR Right? Some kids can be total brats, but there are some precious ones I would protect with my life. They're so rare these days I feel like they are gems.

                  Fiftieth Thought: Childhood Lovers (hehe, is this clickbait? Let's see)

                  When I was in kindergarten, I was close friends with two boys and one of them was named Chris, which is similar to my real name. Chris was my first friend and we connected for so many reasons. We had similar names, we couldn't speak English and we were bullied for our stupidity.
                  The other kid was Dan. He came later than us, from another country. We were the class' three Musketeers. Yeah, we did risky business every other day.
                  One day, when we were calmer we sat at the kitchen set and pretended to be a family. The boys took turns being my boyfriend. They were so different, but adorable.
                  Chris saw me 'making' food and offered to make macaroni and cheese. That's my favorite food. He told me that if I'm ever his girlfriend, he would want to help cook. He knows I'm clumsy so he would be afraid for my hands.
                  Dan and Chris started arguing about who would make a better boyfriend. Then, they asked me but I was too young to understand what a boyfriend is. I thought they meant a friend who is a boy...so I said both can be my boyfriend.
                  Chris said he would fight anyone for me. He would even beg my parents "when we're all growed up." We also lived in the same block so our families see each other often. Now that I'm older, that sentence got a bit awkward.
                  Then, Dan rolled up his sleeves and loomed over Chris. Dang, was he tall for little me. He looked angry and said, "well, I would want her to be happy." He had a face that said 'Take that, brother!'
                  Baby me just laughed along with their shenanigans and now, I really miss them. I heard one of them has a girlfriend now and I only hope he is the dream boyfriend he vowed to be so long ago.
                  The other boy, I lost all contact with and his grandmother moved before I could ask for his contact information. At that time, I had my own phone and I had a feeling he did too.
                  Being with the boys was the best memory during the dark years of elementary school. Our relationships lasted for only three years, but I cherish them even today. If I hadn't met them in kindergarten, I don't know if I'd be slightly happy in school.

                    ValKree 😭 😭 ♥️
                    What a sweet story~ I get that bittersweet, lovely nostalgia when I think of my childhood too. 😔

                        Chryiss Yeah, I think I feel regretful because I didn't understand the moments of my childhood. I did not enjoy the memories while they were made...Now, I can only try to live a little.

                          Fifty-First Thought: I Missed A Day (I think) For BL

                          I've created a second account that I will use just for BL and LGBTQ+. Writing BL, reading BL, reading about all sorts of consensual relationships...all the nice jazz. The account's theme is the seven deadly sins because I wanted to be edgy. Nah, it's because I have great plots that will explore these 'sins'.
                          Each novel is based off on one of the sins and I hope to show both good and bad aspects of all seven. So, a series of seven different novels that can be read as stand alones, but are a part of a collection.
                          I only started one novel and I think seven plus my current novels is too much, but the novels will have extremely short chapters. I'm quite excited to write tons of BL.
                          I'm being so stupid but the good thing is that three of my friends have offered to help me write these books. We have one novel plot all planned out and the others are going to come slowly.
                          So, what was the point of this information? There was no point except letting you all know how dumb and ambitious I am.
                          bows before hearing any claps and trips over feet getting off stage

                          Edit: Damn, I missed two days? I'll think about something else to write as a make-up.
                          Edit: My alternate account has been speaking to a few of you. It should be quite obvious who it is. Also, keep in mind that sometimes, my friends will be speaking with me. Do not freak out when the tone changes.

                            Fifty-Second Thought: If I Look Hard Enough, Everything is Aesthetic to Me (with exceptions)

                            I once stared at a cooked cabbage leaf and I saw white vein-like patterns. I forgot what it was called, but I stared at it for so long that my mother thought I was playing with my food. So, I showed her the ordinary cabbage and told her to look at "the pretty design."
                            Once, I was bleeding from a finger and I held it over a cup of water. A drop of blood dripped in and I watched as the blood spread. It was like those videos where food coloring is dropped into water and a cool fog is made. Although I was bleeding, I was mesmerized by the blood blooming in water.
                            Once, I had my face buried in my cat and my mother thought I had given up on life. I said I was only looking at the fine hairs on my fine boy. The strands moved in one direction and some even caught the sunlight. He was black and white so I saw a mix of both colours.
                            Again with the cat, I stared at his eyes and I saw so many colors which I thought was cool. There was green, yellow, hazel and orange. Damn, my cat was pretty. Even the spikes on his tongue looked neat and like a pattern.
                            I am not allowed to have bubblebaths because my family knows I would stay in the bubbles all day if I don't use all the soap. Bubbles have always looked pretty to me, especially when I can see swirls of colours moving.
                            What else looks pretty to me that is strange? Celery sticks, pastas, noodles, sponges, cracks on sidewalks, eyes, curtains, shattered glass, rain, shredded paper the was shredded by shredders, math, clear glass cups....
                            The only thing that does not become more beautiful the more I look at it is humans. I dont know why, I can't force myself to think someone looks nice. However, the first thing I see on humans are eyes. I will explain this tomorrow.

                              Fifty-Third Thought: I See Eyes!

                              I take "Make eye contact" to the next level because most of the time, the eyes are the only parts of a human I would look at when I first meet them. I do notice some other aspects of them such as hair, nose, lip shapes and whatever else you can see, but my eyes always gravitate towards the eyes and it will always return to the eyes. I try not to seem creepy though, but sometimes I know people feel weirded out when I only look at their eyes.
                              The thing is, I like watching the eyes because I can see the person's true thoughts and I can admire the details of their eyes. Some would urge me to stop staring at their ugly eyes but I think I have never seen an ugly pair of eyes. The eyes, for me, are seriously windows to the soul.
                              It is because of the eyes that I can see when someone is truly fine, when someone is in pain or afraid, when someone wishes me to go away, or when someone is calm or agitated. I can see smiles in the eyes, magical specks in eyes, dilating or expanding pupils, I can see everything. I can see who truly cares about me and who is talking to me out of boredom. It is because of the eyes that I can start trusting people or start avoiding them.
                              The mouth lies. The clothes lie. Facial expressions definitely lie, but the eyes never lie.
                              Perhaps people do not like me reading them like a book and this is why they look down at the floor after realizing I am focusing on their windows. They want to hide their feelings from me because if I read their eyes, that puts them at a disadvantage. No one wants to be in a disadvantageous situation (unless you have kinks I guess).
                              Then, there are others who are ready to show me their eyes because they are confident, they know I can see their thoughts. This is why some of my friends would rather have me stare into their eyes than speak to me with words. The only thing about that is I can only know how they're feeling, I can't know the exact reason. Then, I silently ask if they are willing to tell me and they reply with a look.
                              I'm not sure if there is a language of the eyes, but I like to think I am learning it every day.

                              (I've used the word 'eyes' so many times and I was so tempted to use the medical term for it to tone down the repetition. I noticed that I also use 'orbs' often in my novels so I tried to avoid that too. Avoiding excessive usage of one word led to the excessive use of another...XP)

                                ValKree I’m the same!!! I feel like a weirdo (not actually for a lack of a better word) when I see a tangle of branches and think of a fantastical maze, or some concrete bricks and structures, and I miniaturize people with those shapes as walls or buildings like in some dystopian ruin of an ancient society.

                                Or one that I even wrote down to maybe use later as an effect or pattern in a story eventually. On the train, the window scratches look and glitter like snow when passing by stations only lit with lampposts. It’s soo cool and pretty!

                                    Chryiss aww I wouldn't think we're weirdos although I do call myself one for different reasons. I remember an elderly woman said that people like me somehow see positives in items perceived to be ugly or an inconvenience to the eye.
                                    Maybe we are more aware of the invisible beauty in this bleak world or we're trying to find wonderful things?

                                    I think it's amazing that I found someone who understands. Usually, others think I'm crazy to think certain items look pretty. I don't write about them, but I do use them in my drawings.
                                    I guess it's something original or rare because it's not the typical definition of beauty. I'm not sure, but it's also a moment of happiness when the aesthetic is discovered.

                                      ValKree I have too much social anxiety to make eye contact. Wish I had your level of confidence 😂 speaking of alternative terms for ‘eyes’, my favourite is [peepers]... if you’ve ever seen or played the Satsuriku no Tenshi anime/game, you would know why 👀

                                          Anyone ever feel deja vu doing something and then your mind races for a moment about how you're possible reliving the same day over and over again? Your memories of it disappearing through sleep so the same day feels new? Or maybe it's because the world is on loop and you've lived 'this' life millions of times and when you have those deja vu moments, it's actually your soul messing up? Or what if your mind is connecting with an alternate reality for that moment and you see into one that's ahead of your reality? Would that explain why you could have deja vu a few days, hours, or minutes before the action?

                                          Just a thought.

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