Thirtieth Thought: Whenever Someone asks to see my Works (Art + Writings)
My reaction for novels: sweats profusely No, I am fine not showing you my atrocious writing style.
A minute later...Remembers 18+ scenes in a few of them HELL TO ZE NO!
My reaction for art: Nono, nonono, I do not wish to pay for glasses or damage to the eyes. Here, have a roughly drawn heart instead! Hehehehe
Thirty-First Thought: I'm a Chilly Person
Thirty-Second Thought: Finding Folded Corners in Books
Whether it is a novel, textbook, encyclopedia or anything with multiple pages, I feel bad whenever I see a folded corner. I have never folded pages for bookmarks and I have tried a few times, but it feels like a sin. I once cried because I had a book in my schoolbag and by the end of the day, another book was wedged between it pages. I destroyed the book's smooth pages and I felt terrible for a night.
I think I feel bad when I see creases or folded paper because in most cases, the lines will remain forever. Well, not forever, but for as long as the book is still going around.
Saaaame. I'm also awfully careful about book spines and don't dare crack them too wide. I get terribly guilt if I make any damage to books.
But on the other hand I don't mind finding folded pages in used books. (not cracked spines- that's a no no for me). If I borrow or but a used book with folded pages I find it interesting. It's kinda charming. As if:
"Ah there is something special to this page" "this is where someone left off" "this is the page they want to go back to".
Yeah care for paperbacks are important. I try to use heavy grade matte finishes for my books. As I noticed glossy covers will crease easier and show the creases even more than matte or semi gloss finishes. I pretty much stress test my proof copies to see if I need to revise material selections for longevity. As I aim for my paperbacks to be a premium lasting experience.
My favorite book babies are treated with care and delicacy on my shelves. Especially my BL manga. 
CCmei Oh, book spines are another thing I treat like glass. School textbooks rarely have intact spines and it feels so odd holding one. I always try to fix broken or peeled spines but apparently, putting tape on it is not allowed.
The way you think about folded pages is interesting because more often than not, I find folded page corners to serve one purpose: book marking. If others fold things for looking back, alright. For me, I do a few things when I read. I have a document on my PC and a notebook that I keep beside me for taking notes on certain books. I put the name, favourite characters and best quotes. This way, I won't have to damage the books and I can have the things I like even when I've returned the book to the library. It takes more work, but I enjoy having personal summaries of books I read.
Chryiss true, I like aesthetic sights and seeing torn items make my hands itch. I have the urge to tape or sew things back, but I know it won't look the best. It's so sad.
Veronica8 Hehehe BL mangas. Besides that, you did mention good ideas. If I ever buy books, I would hope to have hardcovers or ones with nice protection. I am a clumsy person...not with books though.
Thirty-Second Thought: I can't Differentiate Between Black, Blue and Purple Pencil Crayons (Sometimes)
I like to draw, but I rarely use pencil crayons or markers. Currently, I have about 750+ pencil crayons and 50+ markers. Anyway, whenever I do colour, I pick up the pencil crayons of colours I need without reading which colour they are. If I need an orange-red I will take it without checking if it is orange-red or another red. The same goes for markers.
So, I sometimes use purple thinking it is black because I only judge the color of the wood and lead. I use black thinking it is purple. I use blue thinking it is purple...so on. Somehow, I'm always shocked when the wrong colour comes out and I keep making the same mistakes. I always laugh at purple water and black blueberries.
DarkRay Hehe, yup. Whatever you're speaking of, I'm still going at it (I think you're talking about posting, but I'm not entirely sure). Ah, I won't even start with my writing. The simple mistakes I make are atrocious and I think my grammar is underdeveloped.
Aw, I love to draw and write. It's kind of interesting how my blurbs can remind others of someone else.
Thirty-Third Thought: Being Beautiful and Ugly? (Beware the Pointless Rant Down Below)
My mother constantly tells me I should change my face and ugly clothes because a girl must be pretty. Now, I wonder how she never seems to understand that I want to be myself. I wear black but she calls it the color of evil. I refuse to wear make-up because it makes my skin dry and I feel stuffy. She claims she wants me to look presentable to society, but what the hell does that even mean?
I curl my hair and people call me beautiful. My hair is straight, I'm called a basic Asian. I cut my hair and they call me a boy wannabe or a tomboy. I wear skirts and they call my legs hairy. I wear what I like and I'm called depressing. I change my shoes and they say I look unnatural in heels. I look beautiful in red dresses.
I cannot satisfy everyone and I'm sure I feel depressed because I can't be myself, not because I am called ugly. Although being called ugly every other day by the one who birthed me hurts, parading around with a smile hurts the most. I am fine with being fake at certain times, but all the time is impossible.
My mom always uses the 'people would rather look at a pretty person' and I only shrug. If that's what they want, they can ignore me for all I care. Why would I want to surround myself by people who focus on looks more than who I am as a person? Heck, I've been a loner for a while but I do know how to get along with others. I make friends based off of their mind and I love people because of their personality. I can't believe others would not think the same but ah well, I'm a 'dumb, naive girl'!
I am just trying to find myself in this world and I don't think dressing the way I do would kill anyone. The way I act would not endanger others. If no one in this world will accept me for who I am, at least I should love myself. I want to be recognized for every aspect of me. I don't care if people remember my bad moments or ugliest moments, I just don't want to be judged like a book cover. I don't want to be treated like a doll who will stay still while others change me.
I know that the outside world can be harsh at times and I've experienced it enough to know my mother only hopes I do not experience too much, but the way she makes her thoughts known really pricks my heart. The fact she doesn't think my personality and talents is what others would want to see really hurts. I wish I can tell her how I feel, but she always shuts me down before I can get my point across.
Now, I always keep my mouth shut when she talks about my small eyes (that I got from my father). She makes me shave although my hair grows back quickly (thanks again, dad). She buys me pink clothing that she makes me wear to social gatherings. Then she wonders why I always look dead at weddings. She buys expensive make-up to cover my freckles and healing pimples. I'd rather use hundreds of dollars to save for university.
She loves taking pictures of me and sharing them on Facebook. Her friends and relatives comment on her great parenting, raising such a beautiful girl. I've seen a comment where a man was trying to get my mom's opinion on his son. In reality, The man's probably looking for someone who would one day marry his son so his family could follow the son out of the country.
I should also look nice for the males? Ha, why would I want to be reduced to a piece of meat? I don't want to be enjoyed and discarded whenever.
I don't like being used. I don't like attention. I loathe drama and I hate being groomed by more 'experienced' people. Sometimes I just want to shout: JUST LET ME BE MYSELF OR I WILL DO STUFF TO MAKE YOU REALIZE I WAS WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED!
Sorry for the aggressive rant, I got so frustrated when my mom asked me why I don't try my best to heal bruises I received from sports. I don't want to feel guilty for being real. I do care about my looks, but not to the extent where I feel as if my identity hangs on what is on or not on my face. I have been called beautiful and ugly by people who don't even know me. It gets annoying. Fine, call me whatever but don't try to change me because I'm not trying to change anyone by wearing black or acting more like a boy.
ValKree You be you.
Eventually, one day, you’ll want to do all those things, maybe just for a special or fun occasion. But until then, and even then, you do what you’re comfortable in. But don’t be afraid to experiment or try something new.
I like pretty clothes, jewelry, and makeup, but my daily look is bare face and typically just earrings only.
( I can’t do makeup. I just like watching beauty vids think I can somehow passively learn while also enjoying these masters’ magical transformation skills. xD )
You obviously know the truth of not listening to others’ judgements and opinions based on your post. So embrace and enjoy your amazing self!
Chryiss My only goal is being myself.
If I'm in the right mindset and mood, I would dress differently as long as I feel comfortable and confident. The issue I struggle daily with is that I am not allowed to pick and choose when I want to be 'prettier'. I always have to be pretty and I'm not comfortable or confident when I'm forced to wear what I don't want.
I do like trying new things, but at my own pace. I am a pretty selfish person when it comes to happiness. I do watch makeup tutorials and I go on Pinterest for cute outfit ideas, but only when I feel interested enough.
I have applied makeup on friends because it is an art form, but I would never consciously put anything on my face.
I do wear jewelry although I ditched earrings just last year. I'm a clumsy person who manages to snag earrings on anything with hooks. Besides that, the jewelry I wear are not cute or girly enough for my mother.
I'm usually insulted for loving myself and sometimes, it's so frustrating. On top of everything else I must worry about on the streets, I have to watch how appealing I look? Its hard when it seems I need to defend myself from everyone else.
Thank you for your comment. After a bleak day, your support really brought a smile to my face. 
[unknown] Insulted for loving yourself. 
That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Loving yourself is not equivalent to being self-centered, so whoever said that is just.... shakes head
They need more BTS in their lives. 
Chryiss Welp, people feel attacked and entitled to everything these days. There have been many things I've received hate for and I will slowly share them here. Sometimes, I wonder why humans are so arrogant that they push each other down. I am self-centred at times but only when it doesn't harm anyone.
Haha, true. I love BTS.
Thirty-Fourth Thought: Different Writing Styles
So, I have been going through each of my books and I noticed that each one is slightly different from the others in terms of writing style. The level of formality, sentence structure, way to describe the same things... is all different. Even the way I write paragraphs is different. One book's average paragraph length could be a whole essay while another novel's is three sentences. Then, I also realized that I put more effort when the novel is new and slowly, quality seems to fly out the window. What a bad habit I have!
It's like different people are writing my books and I'm not sure if readers would notice the differences.
yaoyueyi
The Queen speaks to me?
I wish that is the case, but I'm not sure if it is. The big differences are between books and each one is written differently. It's like one distinct writing style for each one. Somehow, I manage to write in more than three different hands.
The difference within parts of novels is clearly not improvement if it seems like a high school student suddenly becomes an elementary school kid. I do try to improve though.
Slowly but surely. Maybe one day my different writing styles will merge. That'll be one wacky style.
Thirty-Fifth Thought: Currently Procrastinating
I should be working on an assignment, a package for biology ISU (Independent Study Unit) and I have a quiz after the long weekend is over. Nah...im gonna go on three writing platforms and lurk in the forums!
