Chryiss I will shamelessly join and hope that my story catches your attention enough to read.
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/14991960606482505?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4305192072
(CLOSED) Giving Free Reviews
Chryiss
1 and 2) I think to finish the first book in 5-10-15 chapters.
And the second may be chapters 50-60. Only part about urban underground tunnels and antiques in flea markets, well, from the strength of chapters 80.
Yes, I did. to connect all novels in a single line the story of Dara (spin-offs, sequel, prequel, etc.). That is, the beginning of history in the 7th century AD ... and then different events, different people, different hobbies ... but in this or that book, there is information about the whole novel. Rather, it is even a storybook than a novel.
That is, new challenges, threats, goals? This is extremely entertaining! Understood how the original Star Trek and new series in almost 50 years ?! We have chapters. the special traveled to Green Card to Canada, and gave me 16 volumes of Star Trek, I read, it was interesting :) but then my beginning. Department said that the book was written by a computer, and I regretted the time spent :( But on the other hand, the Klingon Empire, the Romulanders, the Vulcans, are also a curious world.
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3.) Got it! That is, I can cut off entire paragraphs, paragraphs, and even chapters, if it seems to me superfluous? To improve? That is, to make the characters more alive? That is, all ideas need to be written down? I am tormented by numbers, a lot of facts, I'm afraid to drop them, since there is interesting information? How can I keep a balance between facts, figures and so that it is not too boring?
Well left, only make money on the editor ?! We measure 1000 words, not pages, or signs, somewhere around 1 dollar, + - 5-10 cents. It is interesting in an English-speaking environment, what are the prices?
It's a pity! It’s like the 21st century, and the programs still cannot help with editing. Alas, while English is not so good. Well, I will again remember the English grammar from the university. But all the same, as a native speaker you won’t know the grammar. Well, on the other hand, this is useful, probably for improving the text block.
4.) I think I understand, I'll try to do it!
Thank you so much for giving me your time and sharing valuable tips! I will think! Respect!
Please do your worst, and may your eyes rest in peace if this story shall ever taint you: https://www.webnovel.com/book/10950825706215205/Strongest-Protagonist's-Aura
RozaCsergo I read your whole story and left a long review that broke the character limit. Hope it is of some help. Since you’re new to Webnovel, this is a good first story, especially looking at the response you received already.
Also don’t be discouraged by the rating. I’m a tough rater and did not rate based on Webnovel standards which are terribly low.
If you continue writing consistently, I can definitely see this shooting up on the rankings because this type of revenge and betrayal story is what many WN readers like.
Gourmet_DAO You’re welcome! And yes, cut down on the superfluous. It can be tempting to include lots of numbers, but even for litrpg’s, too many numbers makes for a boring or grueling read. These pieces of information can come as author note asides for the curious rather than being explained in the story if it’s not integral to the plot and necessary reader comprehension. If you rewrite, copy and paste your story into a new document so that you retain the original file if you ever want to bring something that you cut out back.
I don’t know about prices, but when the time comes, research and shop around a little before you settle on someone. Typically those who are better editors will charge more, but this isn’t always the case.
Good luck!
ReincarnatedSaint Reviewed. Hope my comments can be of help. Best of luck, and keep at it!
- Edited
In case it's of any help to other people, I'll post my reviews here too.
First story: Tangled Fates
All right, don’t look at the three and a half stars and think that I disliked this story. I didn’t. In fact, I liked this story enough to add it to my library.
But I’m going off what I said each number rating equals in the forum, 3=average, which is what I found most of this story to be. According to the low Webnovel standards on here, I could’ve boosted this by 1 star as some reviewers do, but I believe it’s more constructive done honestly this way.
Writing Quality: Average
Update Stability: Great — it’s generally 5 unless you update super sporadically with month long lapses :P
Story Development: Above Average
Character Design: Average
World Background: AverageLet’s go chronologically. First chapter in, I wasn't (typo, spelled "was" at first lol) impressed by the beginning. It wasn’t gripping or unique. We’re merely in an company meeting with the father and company owner spoiling his daughter above the actual hard working employees. Pretty typical and basic to be bluntly honest due to the enormous amount of CEO/business stories on this site. If I was reading leisurely, I might have dropped it. But I do like giving stories a fair shot regardless, and for the sake of my offering feedback, I continued.
And I’m glad I did.
From there to chapter 5, you did a great job compacting the story’s plot, background, and main conflict. It had a great twist where the main lead was not Liany as might be expected (I did not read the synopsis first) but Karen, who would usually be the “white lotus” or “bitch” of common CEO/business romances. Additionally, it takes on a fantasy spin with Liany and Dott to then finally the immortals and dead man’s curse. Well done.
I thought about stopping at 5, but continued to the end of all current chapters—16.
This is still very early into the story, so I can’t fully critique or advise you. Take these as pointers to consider as you continue writing if you’re not already aware of them.
Here’s my suggestions/advice:
- Character development for Karen.
I believe you’ll do this anyway without me saying, but I strongly emphasize this. Personally, I dislike that she gets another chance so easily after what’s she done with a relatively “easy” way to get out of her curse. She just needs to kill a guy. Yes, he’s an immortal, but he’s still human. Yes, I know she’s going to fall in love with him. And there, I do hope she suffers and learns. I’m kinda evil as an author, so this would be what I do hahaha! And I imagine that some readers would want her to grow and maybe learn the hard way in order to atone for her past life, but also just because that makes for a great story with MC development. So far, it seems you’re leading on this path, so that’s good.
- Male lead who doesn’t follow the common cliche seen on WN.
Not much to say, just my general hope. Anyone who has been on this site long would know exactly what I mean. Basically, just make sure he has his own flaws and personality without becoming a handsome suave man, can do everything trope. I didn’t rate on this since he hasn’t appeared yet.
My comments on writing technique.
As noted in a paragraph comment, your command of English is satisfactory that it won’t give a native speaker any mild annoyances and drop reading since readers actually do that lol. Compared to WN, your English writing could be considered generally good. But again, WN has some pretty bad grammar lol.
There are frequent incorrect syntaxes, but it’s not super jarring to read. Unless someone is very knowledgeable and confident about English grammar, I doubt they’d even notice.
With that said, there’s a large room for improvement, especially with writing style which is basic. This is neither bad nor good. This is a web serial, so I’m not expecting Pulitzer winning style writing haha. Developing your writing style is something which takes time as your write much more.
The last few chapters the story dragged a little. If you could keep the pace found in the earlier tenish chapters, that would be optimal. In those earlier chapters, you kept readers on the edge with good twists and action. Just a small note. This might not even be necessary to say depending on what the following chapters are like.
And this is me being picky. You’re my first in line for reviews from the forum thread, so I’m fresh for providing more in-depth feedback and suggestions before I get tired and do just glance reviews lol.
In conclusion, good job so far! You are merely just beginning and this story has the potential to become really good.
- Edited
Second story: The Ancient Genes
To be bluntly honest and direct, the rating of 3 about sums up my opinion of this story—it’s average.
After reading through 9 chapters, I wasn’t impressed nor was I repulsed. Just neutral. This story is like a skeleton that has a lot of room for improvement. It’s the basic litrpg story notion without much differentiation from any other litrpg’s.
Writing Quality: Average
Update Stability: Great
Story Development: Below Average
Character Design: Below Average
World Background: AverageFirstly, writing. Your English grammar is actually quite fair. No obvious awkward phrasings to note with verb tenses mainly correct. My only qualm is the punctuation. Several sentences need commas badly to make the syntax correct. And the spaces before and after commas and quotations is seriously bugging me. This is a personal little “itch” of mine whenever I see those incorrect spaces. It just doesn’t make for a pleasant reading experience.
Writing style wise, it’s basically nonexistent. But as I’ve said to others, writing style is a work in a progress that develops the more you write. But your story can definitely benefit from more detail, emotion, and vocabulary. Currently, this is written as a basic web serial.
Story development and character design. The first chapter was confusing. I think you made a typo with Mark Edwinson instead of Max. The repeated going to the awakening ceremony was confusing and not very engaging. It didn’t add anything to the story when you could’ve jumped right to the issuing of the gene system. All that failed awakening info can just be part of the background story for the MC.
The story also drags with not (original typo with "no") much interesting conflict. I can’t see where the plot is going except for getting stronger. I understand many litrpgs are like this, but usually there is still some motivating goal for the MC to become powerful. So far, the MC doesn’t demonstrate any individuality or personality. This is further emphasized by the first person narrative.
Stay away from first person narrative.
It can easily get messy and confusing if you ever switch perspectives. And the principle reason for using first person is to deliver an (original typo was "any") in-depth view or insight into the speaker. This was not accomplished. In fact, you could’ve easily made this story in third person, and nothing would be lost. If you want first person, then you’ll need to improve on the narrative thought process. What does the MC feel and think? How does his actions confirm or contradict his inner thoughts? What’s his inner perspective that might not be outwardly expressed? This is what first person narrative should be used for conveying.
A short bit to add onto character and writing. Instead of using caps to convey shouting, just use regular text and say that he’s shouting, like:
“Damn it!” He/I shouted vehemently.
Caps is unnerving and not pleasant to read. Only save caps for crucial moments and not for general shouting or cursing.
Some story dialogue is unnecessary. Only include what is integral to the plot and reader’s comprehension. Not every spoken word by every character is needed. Think plot-first, what does this dialogue achieve for the story? Does it convey more of a character’s personality is besides what’s known (original typo was "know")? Does it spur forth anything conflict or reveal something important?
World background is okay. Not much is described of the settings; the system details in place are sufficient though. Be careful of having too many numbers where your story becomes mainly stat screens and skills information. Plot first, always.
In short, you have a lot of room for improvement, but you have the necessary English skills to back up what could become a very good story.
Keep writing~!
I realize how much I miss seeing your reviews here.
Shine_Geo Reviewed. I delved deeply into the single chapter. Hope the review is of help without being discouraging. Please note, since this is only one chapter, this is all I have to base my thoughts on. With more content, it is likely that the rating would've increased because you might've demonstrated more of the plot and characters' personalities. Continuing to write is the only way to improve. Wishing you all the best~!
Third story: The God's Prophecy
A lot of thoughts on this first chapter. I hope you can consider my opinions seriously without taking it personally. Writing is a learning experience, and we all are beginners at one point.
Writing Quality: Below Average
Update Stability: Average - I suggest updating daily for one week before decreasing the update rate in order to get sufficient traffic and content to readers in order to make them interested enough
Story Development: Below Average, bordering on Poor* this is the bulk of my critiques, since it's only 1 chapter, I gave 2 as benefit of the doubt
Character Design: Below Average
World Background: Below AverageThe first few paragraphs before “Chapter 1: Chosen” in the very chapter itself sounds like a synopsis. This is not a way to start a story. Neither is an info dump.
After the “Chapter 1: Chosen” and before “180 Years later…” this fight scene was not conducive to starting a story (original typo was "start") either. It was literally eight pieces of dialogue that basically said, “I don’t want to do this! But you must die! I’m sorry.” Honestly, not interesting at all, and not necessary either for you to build a foundation for your story. Just begin right at “180 years.” You can reference the Gods and Demons war at a later time and integrate it into the story in bits and parts so that it flows without being an info dump.
Once again after “180 years”, a scene for running off to school from home is not necessary or interesting for the story plot. And especially since that scene was directly before the two line dialogue of “going to sleep.” That just…doesn’t make sense to me. Readers don’t care about a scene where MC yells to Mom, I’ll be late to school followed by I’m Kyousuke and two sentences about me and one sentence about the bloody war, directly followed by, now “I’m going to sleep!” You can cut this out entirely.
Then the following section enclosed by three asterisks, it’s just back and forth dialogue with “you are the chosen warrior!” This scene has absolutely no background setting nor build up or explanation to how and why this scene suddenly occurred after the previous section of “going to bed.”
In the next section, it can be figured out that this previous scene was a dream. But until this point, it’s very confusing, so transitions and signposts need to be worked on and improved. Even if it’s a dream, it should be clear with some kind of indication somewhere. Three asterisks is not sufficient.
After this point, now the story actually begins (original typo was "beings") with the MC and his friends arriving at the magic school.
I’m not going to comment section by section like I did above because this all boils down to one main impression of the entire first chapter—
Filler.
About 90% of this chapter was unnecessary and didn’t progress the plot by very much. The only conflict was already known at the very beginning with the war of the gods and demons, but other than that, nothing else was brought up. It’s literally, MC goes to school and then realizes Kagami from his dream was real, and now he’s transferring to a magic school. This was the first chapter.
This is not gripping.
All of this information could have been told in one or two paragraphs as part of the background information when the MC Kyousuke, goes to this new magic school. Or, it could’ve been heavily condensed to only include the necessary parts. Much of the dialogue and mundane actions of going to school only serve to fill the space and add filler length. It serves the reader no purpose because it’s unimportant.
Another option is skip straight to the pool freezing scene with a mention of forgetting one’s jacket. Concision and cutting out chunks of the story can be some of the hardest things to do for a writer. Please don’t be discouraged by this since every new writer eventually learns about this and reducing fillers.
Points of Improvement to Work on:
Balance of necessary dialogue and background information as stated above.
Punctuation. You’re missing commas and even periods. Otherwise, English grammar is passable. But you do need to proofread with the amount of typos in this chapter. It’s a bit of a turn off because it suggests lack of care.
Character development. I’m honestly worried because so far, I don’t see any individuality or much personality displayed. And the short self-intro he gave that he’s average, but “they say I might be intelligent because of my high grades, great with girls but not sure of myself anymore” is contradictory. I can’t get a grasp on his character. Who is he? Has he experienced anything significant or traumatic in his life? What does he like to do? Hobbies, interests? What does he struggle with? What or who does he care about? All of these can be answered as the story progresses, but a few tidbits should’ve been included in the first chapter so that we can start visualizing this MC.
In short, you have a lot to improve on. Once again I hope this review isn’t discouraging or come off as harsh. These are my honest impressions of the story, how it compares to other stories, and where I can see parts being improved. I definitely think you have the skills to make a good story. In general, I think you just need to put a little more thought into the story’s direction, plot, and characters as well as the writing with some proofreading.
Hope this can help you, and keep on writing~! Good luck!
And that's all for today.
Now it gives anyone else posting their stories an idea of what to expect. :eyes:
I'm not scary, I promise.
xD
Welp, you have convinced me with those critical but very fair and well thought out reviews. Love them.
I am ready to offer my precious to the fire. Ready to get in line and cry if you would be so kind:
I have two of them- pick your poison. Both would be amazing but you have a growing list of glance reads/reviews.
I was Born the Unloved Twin Another Villainess Reborn/Transmigration story, if that story was snail paced slow. Main genre:Slice of Life
Queen of the Castaway Isle
Wow I sure do love those 2nd chance, time fix it tropes. Another one- but on a tropical island.
Main Genre: Horror
- Edited
Genre: LGBT+/Action.
There's gore, but only as gratuitous as your imagination can make it; I don't linger on descriptions, but I did play too much Mortal Kombat growing up. Arc One's the only rewritten arc so far & still has rough spots, but if you can, I'd try to get to Chapter 3 because there's a good moment with Mia & Hirogane. (It would be 15,000 words - Chapter 1 is the longest.)
Chryiss Thanks! Your advice helped me a lot! I will think now! Respect!
- Edited
Chryiss Me currently fiddling with my nails whether to let myself burn in fire or not!!!
I think an iron needs to be heated and hammered so that it gets good value and I am no exception here!!! Letting me be under your critical guidance!!!
Title-My Reincarnated Inamorata!
Link- https://www.webnovel.com/book/16076987206936205/My-Reincarnated-Inamorata!
Note- please read synopsis before proceeding to the chapters!!!
The story is just 4 days old and has around 8 chapters, I thought of asking once I reach the level where I am confident enough but the hell-bent assignments of mine are making me loose hopes in writing so I need some critics right now which can boast my energy to do better!!!
Ps- I am still a one-week-old writer so you can accept my story to be below average so make sure to put all the guidance which I need to follow strictly wether it be arc development or writing scenario!!!
Thank you!!!
Chryiss Thank you so much for taking the time to read what I wrote so far. Your feedback is priceless.
- Edited
Chryiss Thanks again. I'm now digesting it.
Regarding the awkward sentence structure and syntax issues - this isn't my first language, I learned English by listening to people talk and not in school. What I know is self-taught so I'm sure my writing is full of it. Thanks for the tip in the comments too, I'll check the rest of the chapters because I have a feeling I've done it more than once.
I'm in the early stages of my writing journey, I had self-doubt and lack of confidence for years, but I got encouragement to join the WPC from another writer friend. The style is basic because I'm now discovering my own way of storytelling.
Regarding character development and worldbuilding - I planned this story to be a long one and I'm trying to write it in a way that I won't give away too much at once. I have a long road planned for Karen, she won't have it easy, but she'll have some wins too because life isn't just good or just bad, it's both (from my experience).
In conclusion, I'm so happy you wrote this detailed review of my story. It's really kind of you to share your thoughts with us newbies. I'm looking forward to more of these. Wish you all the best.
*** I'll post this as a reply on my page as well.