victorines Posted my review check it out
Point 1: Cut off your paragraphs into pieces, and do it fast because readers might get scared. I can't stress enough about the importance of this.
Point 2: (You have good vocab). So Keep thing variable, too much of complexity also turn off the readers. find a middle line.
Point 3: Shorten the dialogue to only important things. For Ex:
p1 - "Hi"
p2 - "What's up?"
p1 - "Nothing Much"
P2 - "Oh! are you not in a good mood?"
P1 - "No nothing, its nothing"
P1 - "Tell me! is it about a boy?"
p1 - "hi"
p2 - "Wow... you look sullen!" She looked at him curiously."oh no... Is this about a boy?"