HotRedFlaming You shouldn't judge your book without at least writing 100k words in it. Only then will you get the experience. Believe me, you will automatically improve every 100k words
I wanna share something as a writer
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HotRedFlaming Once you post something, it's on the internet forever :pensive::v: I can lock the thread, but I won't delete it. Would you like that?
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HotRedFlaming Your writing isn't that bad, but yeah, it does feel choppy and boring. It doesn't really hook you in at the first sentence. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's beyond awful or that I was repulsed, but it certainly wasn't easy on the eyes.
A lot of the advice here is sound. The only way to improve is to read a lot more, and to keep writing. Practice is the best way to improve. Write, write some more, and write even more. Don't give up. Everyone starts somewhere. As long as you don't give up and keep trying, you'll definitely get better and succeed eventually.
Reading more doesn't necessarily mean you copy other writers, though. It does feel like you're just grabbing tropes and scenes from other stories that you've read elsewhere and mashed them together. Perhaps you might also want to consider why you want to write this story, what's so special about it, and what exactly is it about this character that makes him unique - for example, you claim that his sisters are "unique", but so far they have done nothing that make them unique. They just seem one-dimensional and cookie-cutter. When working on characters, don't just stuff traits into them to make them unique - think of what you want their roles in the story to be. Why are they in the story? What is their purpose, their motivations? Then build it from there. Right now, the sisters just seem to be there for the sole purpose of being in your protagonist's harem, and that is probably why they feel so flat.
HotRedFlaming Now that I'm on the PC, let's start the count to close the mouth of the people that are too fragile to take an honest word. The things that I remember from your first paragraph:
Wall of text - instantly puts the readers away. Reader's attention span is incredibly short so you need short (2-4 sentences on average) paragraphs to keep them interested
No hook - That's the most important part. When starting your novel, there is nothing that would make me interested. Nothing that will make me ask - what does that mean? What will happen next?
Infodump - the way that you are describing the scene feels forced, or rather, it feels as if the only aim of doing so is for the sake of forcing the basic information down my throat as I read it. Exposition is necessary, but so is hiding it away. If you explain how the world works to the readers in such a way, it makes them doubt whether you can do it organically.
Those are the bullet points I saw from the first paragraph. Personally, I would focus on the first part (short paragraphs). You can do so by imagining one thing (particular one, not something big.) that you want the paragraph to introduce. Change of positions, reaction, action, movement. A single paragraph for a single thing.
Generally, don't take it personally. Writing is a craft that one needs to learn, and you can only do so by writing. Don't expect much progress with your first novels but consider them as a learning experience. Then, one day, maybe one of them will suddenly explode? Or maybe you will write something that will make you proud?
Alpha_Medic I never openly claimed I'm better and I did mention that I was writing that on the phone. The OP just lacks skill and knowledge to write. It's not something to be ashamed off, as all the writers started like that. Some could use their talent to start on a better footing, but ultimately it all boils down to the practice. The practice that the OP lacks. As for my presence, the fact that you don't know me only means that you joined this place recently. Nowadays I'm too busy with writing my novels to bother with this hellhole where people like you act as if you can do something great just like that, insulting all the hard work that authors are putting into their craft. Begone.
PS: Your comment about the money aspect proved that there is absolutely no value in speaking with you. Go and live in your imaginary world where people will be willing to put a lot of effort over an extended amount of time just for a hobby that's actually a hard job. This also shows how little you have to do with professional writing.
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MotivatedSloth Thanks for the honest words. I see your point I had my friend read this and his point was the same as well, he said it was bad. But saying it was beyond awful I would kinda disagree, if you said bad maybe sure. And I'm planning to add something to this, but in this regard I can admit I just suck at openings.
Tomoyuki hhahah yeah, I could agree they were cut outs not much planning right there. I just wrote what was inside my head at that time and I was focused on telling rather than showing. I would definitely give this work of mine to be around 6/10.
And dont fight cause of me I see your points, and both of them are extremely helpful. If you wanna argue I would lock this thread.
HotRedFlaming Yeah, planning is vital to writing. You need a clear vision of what you want to write. Don't just sit down and begin typing whatever is in your head. Calm down, close your eyes and slowly think things through. Also, ask yourself what the goal of your story is, the goal and motivation of your characters are, and what it is that you want to write in your story. Then organize them slowly. Some ideas, you'll realize work and many ideas wouldn't, and as much as you're reluctant to cut them out, you'll have to because it's sometimes not practical to shove everything in. And when you try to force it in, it comes out in an unfiltered wall of text or info dump.
You don't really need to meticulously plan every detail or section (most people don't), but make sure you know what the end goal of your story and characters is, and work on that.
22 days later
yaoyueyi
Sorry please can I know why you locked my forum
Just_Rufina Self Promotion is not allowed outside of the monthly pinned thread. Your words:
Here is a book I'm currently writing on the lastest event in Nigeria. The End Sars protest. Click the link below to read, comment and always stop by if you need clarifications.......
yaoyueyi
Can I delete the post and correct the statement? Please unblock the forum.
yaoyueyi Whoa... Ngl, but those rainbow letters tho- 
I actually thought there was something wrong with my screen for a moment.