Okay, so I thought maybe a thread to help people with their blurbs would be a fun thing for people to do. Here is how it works. You read the most recent blurb and do the following things...

  1. Give it a rating out of ten, so something like 8/10, 6.5/10 that sort of thing.
  2. Tell the suthor at least one thing they did right with their blurb
  3. Point out one weakness with their blurb & suggest a fix if possible

Post your blurb for the next person. NOT A LINK TO YOUR BOOK! JUST THE BLURB!

I don't need the mods all over me because people are spamming the feed.

Remember your blurb needs to be concise and get the reader interested enough in your book to read it. You only have about 15 seconds or so to really get their attention, and it's a skill worth perfecting.

And... go! I'll post mine after a few of you have posted yours.

And you are more than welcome to post revisions of your blurb based on the feedback you've gotten. This isn't a one-off kind of thing. The point is to get better at writing blurbs...

    maelvoid_2025 Great question, glad you were brave enough to ask. A blurb is the short description of your book. In real life it's on the back cover. Here is the one for the novel Monster by Walter Dean Myers.

    Steve Harmon's Black.
    He's In Jail, Maybe Forever.
    He's On Trial For Murder.
    And He's Sixteen Years Old.

    Here it would be the description of your book. The technical term is blurb. Hope that helps.

      Oh I see it's basically like a simplified summery that's simplified more thanks for answering 😄👌👌

        LVTeacherman Ooh sounds fun! A good way to improve my summarisation too!

        Am I right to assume we are doing one from our own book? Otherwise, let me hide in a hole hehe..
        Is the format for writing is to keep it to a short four sentence?

            Nekonigiri001 Yes, and just copy and paste your summary here. It can be longer than four sentences. The whole point is to help people improve theirs. I just looked at mine and shuddered. I better revise it. It looks like a hyperactive three year old wrote it.

                LVTeacherman Oooh now I'm scared. If a teacher shuddered at their work, imagine what an amateur would feel?
                BUT I will send it in anyway so I could try to do better and improve myself. Go away embarassment! haha

                Here goes nothing :

                Sara has been living in a secluded world, safely in her introverted bubble without a care in the world except her own.

                Growing up, she only knew humankind was the only race living on Earth. But one day, she accidentally stumbled across the world of unknown. Living alongside with mankind were the bloodsucking vampires and the mysterious genies.

                It all began to unravel when Adrianna’s boyfriend, Harith, suspected foul play in the death of Adrianna, who was reported to commit suicide. Opportunity for revenge arise for Harith when Sara was selected as the Guest of Honour for the Blood Red Party.

                Ever since then, unexplainable things began to happen around Sara. She became one of the bloodsucker’s victims.

                She disappeared mysteriously from the face of Earth only to come back at a random time frame.

                Was the institution really behind all this? Will she be rescued? Or is it all happening in her head?

                In between this world and the unknown world, in between her conscious and her subconscious, she is unknowingly lost.

                    Nekonigiri001
                    5/10
                    Good: Ticked off the blurb 3-part rule of:
                    - Introduce the protagonist, their world and norm.
                    - Set the conflict
                    - Hinted what's at stake or something the protagonist stands to lose if they don't achieve the story goal

                    Suggestions:

                    • Keep the sentences tight with active voice. A blurb/synopsis/summary should hook a potential reader's interest in three seconds. Right now, it's too wordy, especially in passage "It all began..." The first sentence does matter as it's the competing sentence across the catalog. You'd want to make sure that this one captures the story's undertone and target audience hooks. Word choices play a particular part with this.

                    • Write your summary with a target reader in mind.
                      Who are you trying to attract? Do you envision your story being read by 18-25 year old women who are in university or entry-level office jobs? It's that kind of targeting that you'd need your blurb to pitch to.

                    • Avoid the rhetorical questions if you can help it. It makes the summary sound like a 1950 Pulp Fiction. If you're writing this kind of story then questions, I guess, are fine.

                    The intention of the blurb is to sum-up, sell the story and have the reader flipping to the first chapter. It's like your elevator pitch to gain that commitment.

                    You might also find that doing a story premise might help you with the blurb writing. I tend to use this kind of template frequently when I need to write a summary or picking up a story out of hiatus. Especially if I have to do a query letter for agents or trad-pubs.

                    Good efforts so far. Book summaries aren't easy to write. Keep at it.

                      Uh, I hope I'm doing it right.

                      Nekonigiri001

                      5/10
                      Pros:
                      It tells what happened to MC and why, and also hints to a mystery she'll solve. I can tell right away the book ahead seems intriguing and original.
                      Cons:
                      I really dislike the crime paragraph, the names are tossed and they don't have context. Like, we're talking about Sarah, who the hell is Adriana and Harith? We need to read twice to get a hint.
                      I might be wrong, but I think it would be better if you keep it concise, like: the murder of her best friend Adrianna still raises suspicion, and her boyfriend, falsely accused, wants revenge... (If it's the case, I didn't understand what's going on in the paragraph).
                      I suck doing blurbs too, but that paragraph would be decisive to make me put your novel in my library or not.
                      I really hope it helps!

                      I'm leaving mine here, to my fellows' review:

                      John Ross became a Hollywood superstar through cold pragmatism and ambition, not luck. And he doesn’t intend to let a fledgling actress spoil the next film in which he will act.

                      The mysterious rookie actress Kara is too alluring and exciting to be true, but there is something strange about her… And when Ross finds out she’s a vampire, he's completely smitten already!

                      Kara seduces him and treats him like a slave, but Ross does not intend to keep this game for long.

                      He can believe that all he wants from that dangerous vampiress is to find out how he can become a powerful immortal himself. But when she says she can't love him because she has someone else in her heart, Ross can't stand the thought of not being the #1 in Kara's unlife.

                      He will play all his cards to get everything he wants! And all he wants is Kara!

                      HISTORICAL ROMANCE, SET IN OLD HOLLYWOOD

                      “I may like to have fun with you, but you know very well that’s it. You are just that to me - a toy, a lackey, a cheap thrill.”

                      "I have no problem that you keep your corrupt little heart for your immaculate Dante, as long as I can still touch you...!"

                      “Hmpf… Earn it. If you want what I can offer, all you have to do is… ”

                      "What…?"

                      "That! Don’t stop! Exactly that!"

                          Wow! I'm so glad I participated in this. Like all this time I had to argue by myself hehe...

                          I'm grateful for the feedback provided (Veronica8 and SrtaA), especially the encouragement where I have done right and also parts where I can learn to right my wrongs.
                          Also thank you for LVTeacherman who created the thread. It's very beneficial for people like me.

                          I will try my best to follow the advices above and to practice again and again until it gets better. After all, I can learn something new every day :)

                          Thank you very much for the feedback (and the links). I actually am learning a lot from the thread alone. :D

                          SrtaA

                          6/10

                          Pros: It is explained really well, and stimulates my curiousity especially the how, why and the journey itself.

                          Weakness : The first paragraph is about John Ross career but then the following paragraphs has nothing to do with it. Personally, I'm not sure the relevance of it. Maybe there is a story about it. If it is, dplease forgive my ignorant comment.

                          I don't know much about this since I'm not that knowledgeable, and I know it's easier said than done, but maybe you could try to include more of something that stands out compared to the rest - like the historical romance.

                          I hope I help even if it's just a tiny little bit.

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                                SrtaA

                                6.5/10

                                The good. You named the protagonists and stated his goals, along with his love interest.
                                The bad: Don't give away the secret! Play up the mystery and the danger.

                                John Ross earned his place as a Hollywood superstar after years of hard work, and he's not about to let the next 'big' thing ruin his next blockbuster.

                                In regards to Kara, do something like this. "Everything changes when he meets Kara, a stunning woman with a mysterious past and dangerous friends."

                                I really like the last line but it needs tightening up. "John's willing to go all in to get what he wants. And what he wants is Kara.

                                I would remove everything else after that line. You really don't need it.

                                And here is my current version of my blurb. I think it went too minimalist but I am not sure what I need to add.

                                After a freak storm, Danae Whitebirch finds herself stranded on one of 'The Three Sisters' an island chain on the Great North Lake. Will Danae find her way home, or will the lake claim her as its own?

                                    Nekonigiri001
                                    Thanks. I guess I got your point. Trying to better connect the first tweo paragraphs and probably merging them.

                                    LVTeacherman
                                    Thanks! But, I'm a bit confused here, probably because I tried to use the tips from the WN Writing seminars.

                                    I feel like, if I don't state she's a vampire, and knowing it, he wants to be immortal too, his primary goal just vanishes in the air. It's only a story about a petty guy trying to screw a starlet in more than one way.
                                    So I'm a bit lost here. I really don't know how to keep mystery. Or if I should keep mystery.

                                    I'm catering to people who like vampire romance. Mentioning he discovers she's a vampire is what makes the reader know it's a vampire story (at least to me) and hit the READ button. Unless I name the novel as the content Editors preach: If it has a CEO/demon/angel/ghost/prince, mention it in the title.
                                    About the points above, I just realized I don't have a clue how I should write this blurb.

                                    The last part:
                                    Also, everytime I question a content editor what about my summaries, she says I must add a "dialogue blurb I believe can make the reader get a feel of the novel", because everyone else (or at least, the sucessful novels) do.
                                    I'm with you, I feel it's completely disposable, but that's the reason I put one.

                                    I mostly agree with your suggestions, but I'm confused because your insightful comments are quite the contrary of what we see in WN. What do you suggest, if I wish to keep the vampire information in the summary? Or... why shouldn't I keep it, from your perspective?

                                          LVTeacherman

                                          After a freak storm, Danae Whitebirch finds herself stranded on one of 'The Three Sisters' an island chain on the
                                          Great North Lake. Will Danae find her way home, or will the lake claim her as its own?

                                          7/10:
                                          Pros: Mood. It has something of ominous...
                                          Cons: Too vague
                                          Why is mentioning 'The Three Sisters' name and it's on Great North Lake important? Wouldn't mentioning she stranded on an island in a lake enough? Like, since I don't have Idea where it is, is enough for me to know she's in an island. I'd leave for later even the lake part .
                                          I would like something meatier than the vague "will the lake claim her as its own" to convince me to buy it. Although I loved this part!
                                          The more I think about it, I don't know it's a love story, a self-discovery story, a thriller, a horror story... I'd love to hear a bit of what she found. Is it about ancient cosmic gods? Is it about the island dwellers and their prosaic lives? Is it about a strange cult? Is it about a merman? Is about the sexy fisherman? Is about aliens inside the lake? Is it about a dimensional portal taking her to the Gates of Greek Hell? No clue...

                                              I would hint that she's a vampire without giving it away, maybe a clue or two. I'm not sure if your vampires are more traditional like Bram Stoker or more modern like the Anne Rice novels or the Twlight saga.

                                              And if your book is paranormal romance, then the reader knows going in that if the protagonist is human, the love interest isn't. I'm going off of what I have learned about blurbs from published authors. I would keep experimenting until you get something you like.

                                              It's just me, but I'm not a fan of dialogue in the summary/blurb. But, if it's popular here, then keep it. :)

                                              Heck I'm on the 3rd version of my blurb and I still don't like it. I think I need to add something about the other two characters.

                                                SrtaA Thanks. That will help me add more information. I knew I was missing something, and needed fresh eyes to look at it.

                                                Just FYI the world is based on Upper Michigan and the Great North Lake is really Lake Superior. The Three Sisters don't exist in real life though lol. Now I have a direction to go with my blurb.

                                                Thanks again, that was really helpful. If I could give your feedback 2 likes I would. :D

                                                    LVTeacherman
                                                    Thanks for your help.😁
                                                    It's hard to come up with something readers from WN relates to, and yet, don't make you feel odd. I also was taught elsewere I should keep it concise and enticing,... but it usually doesn't work here.
                                                    I realized I'm really lame regarding summaries...

                                                    Let us know what you picked as your final version!

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