@McWms99
-Something I still struggle with; it looks much fancier when actions precede words or reactions come after them within the same paragraph. Not in two separate ones. Let me show you:

He looked behind him, “Sorry,” he said, not really meaning it.

Looks better than:

He looked behind.

“Sorry,” he said not really meaning it.

-For someone with grown children, the father doesn’t know one wife can sew like a pro and the other is a manipulative being... But then he’s wise enough to carry out the perfect punishment… was kind of inconsistency for me, one would know their spouse, right? And another one is when in one chapter the 5th wife is all about “help our husband and tell him I helped you” being selfless, and the next one “She stole my gift” only caring about herself, not the husband nor the children.
-The auxiliary chapter before the real one is perfect for your novel; you can provide the vocabulary you invented for your world there with meanings to them. It would also be super cool for you to review your work and add a map of your world within it, which incites intrigue.

If I stopped making sense, it’s because I have a fever and it’s way past logical hours in this part of the globe! Your book is one that I’ll keep on reading. You and your novel are something else. You're amazing. Don't ever quit.

P.S. If you want to attract readers’ attention to your novel, change your cover it does not do it just at all.

    MerrySweet I plan on changing the cover and everything. When it comes to the father there's more to it than simply one's great and sewing and the other one isn't. Part of the culture is to be a weaver and a great one at that. Taryu, though he is wise is flawed and let previous issues blind his ability to really see what's going on. Later chapters show that he makes these small but potent mistakes time and time again. Things that from the outside you can say why'd he do that but when being honest you understand we've all made mistakes under pressure. There's also political struggle to everything that's going on that's later explored in further chapters. Most issues and mysteries aren't solve in one day and the book kinda mirrors that. Also I wanted to make a weakpoint in the wise and powerful Taryu, without making him a complete idiot or incompetent. As to Shezira's selfishness I'd like to think your character of Cynthia does something similar no? The anger and bitterness of the situation warping an individual that for all intents and purposes isn't a bad person. I have been working on a map and I actually have a working codex of the vocabulary and words used within the story. This is just one story in a universe I have other stories cooking in the background filled with lore and different tales of other characters. Fall of Benma my other novel on this app takes place in the same universe about 150 years in the future on the mainland continent north of what is called the Malunid (that's the area the islands are located) There's alot and this is something I've really been working on since I was a kid. I'm glad you like the story hopefully you will continue to read and give feedback as I really love your work so it would be greatly received despite the facts that we write 2 completely different genre types.

      Grandmasters I have written an honest review.
      Please read my work and drop a review/feedback as well. Thanks.

          @McWms99 Yeah let's keep in touch, love to throw some ideas around with you if we both ever have the time for it, here's my discord: MerrySweet#2238

          Only two chapters is in at my novel 'Dreams of Cultivated Wisdom', will come back here when it reaches ten and seek to swap honest and no sugarcoating review.

          Jhaydun hey just wanted to give a friendly reminder, the books name is Brother's Strength

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