ColdApple Hey I hope this message finds you well. I had a read through your first chapter. You paint a picture with your words quite well. If anything I would focus on that strength and you'll really breath life into your work. I really enjoy your jokes that you slip in. Quite well timed. I can tell as well you've weaved some of your own life experience into your protagonist, honestly quite interested to see how she develops.

The background of your protagonist is quite good as well. Rare setting to take the vampire troupe and flip it on it's head. I'm curious as to how she develops what trials she goes through and how she obtains her goal. You've made a very interesting premise so far. The ending hook was quite good as well, looking forward to how it develops. Some key notes to focus on, is punctuation, structuring of conversations and spelling. Other then that you've made a really good first chapter. If you feel like it as well, have a read through my story, let me know your thoughts on it. It's called Gene system don't know how to link it on here yet.

    check out my novel if you are searching for a fantasy novel.
    Rothania was a peaceful realm filled with talking animals, Fauns, Giants, elves, and Ivors who were dwarfs. It wasn't until a thousand years later that Rothania's queen began to fall, and the first king began to rule. This change in leadership began a new era of strife and war, as the king sought to expand his power and influence. This led to a period of great suffering among the various races of Rothania, as they battled each other for control of the kingdom.
    "Brother, is magic real?"
    "Of course not, idiot"
    There were voices in her dreams calling for her help. They needed her, but where were they? Who are they? She had no idea who or where these voices were coming from. She thought it must be her imagination, but the voices kept calling her, begging her to help them. She was filled with confusion and uneasiness.
    The twinkling butterfly changed everything. What if they hadn't followed it? Could the future have been different? The butterfly seemed to be a sign, a sign that the voices were real. However, they weren't sure where it would lead them.
    Did the twins actually belong to that place?
    Will they be able to change the fate of Rothania?

    https://www.webnovel.com/book/eden-of-rothania_25788381406166805

      Hi. If you're interested in reading a story written Chinese light novel style, but with a few tweaks here and there (because reading about overpowered FLs, 5-year olds that are smarter than can be believed, and Asian CEOs that are pain-in-the-ass annoying can be tiring sometimes), then do check out my novel "They become One".

      Tags: Urban romance, CEO, family, healing, office, children (preteens), slice of life

      https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/25183232905124005?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=2548701932

        A man blinded due to paying a price as he regressed to the past.

        He already save his world once with memories from the future but all of that shattered as he came back to reality.

        He returned but everything changed as Gods, Angels, Spirits appeared different from the past he once knew where no beings like them existed.

        'Everything change from the past and the future too will change unknown to me...'

        'But... won't it be fun?'

        https://www.webnovel.com/book/a-blind-man's-regression_25801092905951405###

        Check It Out and I hope you will like it.

          A man blinded due to paying a price as he regressed to the past.

          He already saved his world once with memories from the future but all of that shattered as he came back to reality.

          He returned but everything changed as beings unknown to him appeared, different from the past he once knew where no beings like them existed.

          'Everything change from the past and the future too will change and it will be unknown to me...'

          'But... won't it be fun?'

          https://www.webnovel.com/book/a-blind-man's-regression_25801092905951405###

          Check it out I hope you'll like it guys

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