Guys pls am an author,I have written 7 stories,I want to know if my stories are good. They are, My girlfriend is a vampire, A love to last forever, A kiss of goodbye, Till I met you I never knew what love was,the true princess, Reincarnation of the Goddess. Please read and let me know how it is,thanks

    Hi, Dessy_Success

    I took my time to read your stories, which in and of itself was pure torture (sorry to say).

    Grammar: Bad
    Sentence Structure: Bad
    World-Building: Bad
    Characters: Bad

    I'm not just going to point out what's wrong, I really wanted to find something good, but... So let's find out what you can improve! (I'm not a professional writer, it's just a hobby btw).

    The story progressing is way too fast. You shouldn't skip world-building and character design.
    Example: Taking from your story 'My girlfriend is a vampire' chapter 1.

    At school
    Teacher: Attention, attention, pls this is Raymond, a new student.
    They all shouted "Hi Raymond, nice meeting you. Raymond went to sit at the back, there was no one there. Then a guy walked up to him and said" Hey new comer, you wanna sit beside the devil, she's gonna eat you up tonight "
    Raymond: "What do you mean"

    I haven't tampered with anything and straight-up copied the text.
    The first thing which is a noticeable mistake is when someone speaks, you use the name of the person and a colon. Don't do that!
    The second thing. Lack of proofreading... There are so many typos and typesetting mistakes that half could be enough. Fix that!
    And third. Spend more time explaining what people look like, what kind of classroom are they in. What does the mc think and feel? These are the things readers want to know!

    Enough of that. I tried to polish your text a bit:

    "Did I get here in time!" Raymond panted, standing outside the door to his new classroom. He stood, crawled over his knees, trying to get air as he heard the sound of a door opening.
    "Good morning, you must be Raymond," a blonde-haired busty woman with a short black skirt said, looking at the bend over Raymond. 'Oh no! am I late on my first day!' Raymond got cold sweat as he stood up to greet his new teacher.
    "Ah, yes! That's me!" He answered the teacher promptly, looking her in the eyes.
    "Good, let's go and say hello to your new classmates." She quickly pushed Raymond into the classroom filled with other students, wasting no time.
    "Listen up everyone!" The teacher said with a dominant voice, making everyone in the classroom pay attention to her. And the students who were noisy before immediately fell silent.
    "This is your new classmate Raymond and he will be with us from now on." She continued to introduce Raymond to the rest of the class.
    "You can sit down there," she pointed at an empty chair in the back of the classroom.

    Okay, I think you got the idea now. I don't have more time but I hope you find something useful with this comment :)

        4 months later

        Dessy_Success hi i want to read yor book too, do you want to read my book to and review swap with me?
        Try this :
        The Concubine From 21st Century English
        An Introvert Woman
        The Alpha vs The Beta
        Love in Taipei
        Thank you

            a month later
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