Due to some comments in other threads, I thought this could be fun. Most people here like to write, read, or both, so there is no reason to do it in a vacuum. My goal of this thread is to help writers get help and readers give suggestions that could affect stories they might like.

Seems like there are a lot of authors writing their first story that want a bit of help or advise. As long as we can keep it short and civil, this could be a fun way to help new authors get some answers to their quick questions. We will see how it goes. Readers, this is your chance to get involved and change stories while they are being written!

Here are the “rules” or how I envision this working:

  • post a brief description of your story, what you want help with specifically, and a small segment of your story we can help with here. This should be like 3-5 paragraphs and not an entire “chapter.”

  • reply to posts with advice on what the author is trying to improve. You can be critical, but please do not be mean or rude. “This sucks” is not constructive criticism.

  • please avoid shameless promotion or posting story links unless someone specifically asks for a link. The goal is not to gain readers or promote your story. This is to help people improve their writing.

  • please ask for help with specific things like “can you help with my grammar in this paragraph?” or “am I using a comma right here?” and not “make my story better” or “I want my story to be the best.”

  • please keep things brief. If your post is 2,000 words long, it makes it really hard to give quick advise any help someone else. You can pick 2-3 paragraphs to get the idea across. Also, asking for a specific issue helps people give better advise.

  • if you get help here try to pay it forward and help others in the thread. This is idea sharing, but it will not work without people giving advise as well as asking for it. I’ll be mostly answering questions and helping people as I have time for it.

Here is an example:

My story is a sci-fi fantasy about space pirates, but I’m not sure if my dialogue sounds enough like a pirate or is written correctly. Here is a conversation between the main character and the pirate king:

“Wow, you are the pirate king?” I asked the large man with a beard and pirate hat.

Argggggg!!!! Yes, lad, I be Red Beard! Redbeard said to me.

maybe two or three more lines of speech

    shadowdrake27
    Huh, that is a neat idea, but I can't think of much outside of grammar mistakes that wouldn't require a story review or at least to read a few chapters for context.

    But I could use some opinions on my story's summary.


    This is the story of Zarco, a young guy with a magic stone and not much else, and Caelum, a wingless "angel".

    "Caelum
    -That's stupid...

    Zarco
    -Eh, it is..."

    Ahem, anyway, a lot of action & adventure awaits them, as they are forced together on a journey in search of some magic stones of legendary power.

    "Zarco
    -Liar! We're currently doing a lot more of "trying to survive" than rock picking around here!

    Caelum
    -Yeah, that is pretty misleading."

    Ok, screw this, I am out, if nobody read this story it will be your fault.

    "Zarco
    -The hell are you talking about, you're the one who wrote this...

    Caelum
    -Since our writer is unreliable, I will finish this. This story at its core is just a fun rump, focused on action, adventure, and a lot of comedic dialogue and exchanges. If you had at least a chuckle reading this then you will probably enjoy the story.

    Zarco
    -Yo, thanks for reading till this point, we will meet again at the pages."


    Now, I want to know if someone, outside of me, finds this somewhat funny, if you would read a story with this summary, also, if it has any grammar or syntaxes mistakes.

      Vam_V

      Hmm… definitely an interesting synopsis with all of the fourth wall breaking. This is a bit jarring, but can be used to great affect if done well/intentionally. I’ll try my best to say something useful.


      Let’s start with grammar/syntax.

      The biggest issue is the speech. You are not punctuating it correctly. There are two ways I’ve seen on how to do this, and you don’t follow either.

      Usually people use the story format where you separate the speech from the narration with quotation marks. This is done like this:

      “I am talking,” character said.

      Another character said, “So am I.”

      “We all are,” third character said. “No need to brag about it.”

      There are some more/different rules, but the basic problems with your speech is that there isn’t quotation marks around just what is being said. You also don’t have the speech tags (character said) attached to the speech by a comma. Rather, you seem to put speech quotes at the beginning or end, put a name, put a line break, then put a dash with the speech after. It’s confusing.

      I did consider that you are using a play format. When you write something like a play or movie script the rules change, but it still doesn’t match your writing. A play or movie script would look like this:

      Character: I am talking.

      Another character: So am I.

      Third character: We all are. No need to brag about it.

      There are some rules that you must follow to avoid confusion no matter what set of rules you follow. These are “one speaker per paragraph” and “always tell us the name of the speaker in that paragraph unless it is obvious who is talking” (usually because two characters are talking with alternating paragraphs).

      Your first sentence misuses quotation marks. No one is saying “angel” and it isn’t referencing another text, so it shouldn’t have quotes. I get that he isn’t really an angel or isn’t a typical angel, but I recommend using single quotes so no one thinks that a character started talking. This is also not technically correct, but I’m not sure that there is a way to do what you are trying to do correctly without just adding more words.

      Single quotation marks are specifically for a quote within a quote. This happens later in your synopsis when Zarco talks. He needs quotation mark around his speech and the part you have in quotes should be in single quotes because he is talking and quoting the narrator.

      Also, if the narrator is a character that the other people in the story talk to, technically anything he says should be in quotes. We can ignore that though because it will put your whole story in quotes, so it can be ‘implied’ by the reader.

      Wow all that just about speech and quotation marks. Sorry. I’ll move away from grammar. Yikes.


      As for the content being funny and good. I think it has potential. This format you choose now only works with a comical story. It’s hard to get serious when the characters are arguing with the narrator, you know? So only do this if the story is intended to be a big comedy.

      Fourth wall breaks are used successfully in very few stories, but they are usually really fun. The Deadpool movies do this a lot if you need inspiration, and those do mix comedy with serious tones and dark themes well, but they always come back to and embrace comedy. The main character is hardly ever serious.

      My biggest tip is that if Zarco is now telling the story, then you have to write everything like you are him. If he is sarcastic, then all the narration has to be sarcastic. It also can get annoying if he has too many quirks (like if he says “yo” at the start of every paragraph), so make sure you don’t over do anything. Whatever you had in mind for Zarco is about to take over your whole story and writing style—be prepared for that.

      Also, be careful with tenses. If your main character is the narrator, and he knows enough about the story to foreshadow, then you have to write it in past tense. Right? Otherwise, Zarco wouldn’t know what the story is about. At least the beginning has to be past tense to account for this. Writing in this style means you have to be really really careful of these types of things or you create plot holes on accident. Another good example is when writers try to use this style, then kill off the narrator. I mean, who is telling the story since they died? Haha.

      Them being aware that this is a story also makes me question things. Are they aware that they are not real? So, do they care if they die or are they like, “Naw man we will just change the story because we aren’t real.” This is part of the reason you are so hard forced down the comedy path… I’ll drop this for now, but I think you are putting yourself in an awkward position with this style.

      All in all, it depends on execution. This could be a great idea that focuses on themes like, “We aren’t going to sugar coat this story like a fantasy writer would—this is the real deal. You will hear about how there are no bathrooms anywhere and we never have time to eat!” In all honesty though, I would cut out some of the stuff.

      Having the characters say things like:

      “If you got a chuckle out of this then you will like the story.”

      “Yo, thanks for reading this!”

      Etc…

      Seems like it takes away from what you are going to do here. I would have them be more bold/confident in their story. Rather than thank the reader and telling them they will like it, I would go for more of a, “We are telling the story our way even if you don’t like it!” Even so, addressing the reader directly can be pretty bold this early on. Maybe they just heckle the narrator and say, “We will take over from here.”

      Sorry if this wasn’t helpful. To be honest, you started this off with a very strange story format! It’s one that can be really fun though so go for it. Perhaps other people have better perspectives on this type of story and can help you more.

        shadowdrake27
        Wow, this was way better and more useful than I was expecting.

        Thank you very much.


        About the grammar/syntax. Well, I probably should have told you that English is not my first language and I am learning it by myself, so there is still a lot I don't know.

        On the quotation marks front, the thing is that in my country we use - instead of " ", so I am used to writing that way. I know that is really not ideal, but at first, I thought it was a universal rule, then I discovered it wasn't... but then they told me they could still follow the dialogue around, so it wasn't a big issue... Now I am just questioning if I need to change my way of writing entirely.

        Also, on the grammar front, is it really that bad? I am getting kinda worried right now...


        Now, on the content of the summary itself, you just made me realize a possible problem I wasn't expecting.
        Just now I noticed that the summary is kind of misleading, because the story isn't really narrated by the characters.

        The story does have a lot of comedy and it is deeply character and dialogue-driven, so I thought it would be fun to have the characters talking and interacting in a funny way in the summary. And by doing this I would be giving a little appetizer for the reader and what he/she can expect of the story, at the same time it would make the story feel distinct and maybe even interesting.

        But now I am reconsidering this...


        Well, anyway, thanks very much for the help, I will definitely try to use this thread again.

          Vam_V

          Oh, then I don’t know the style/format you are trying to use! As long as you follow the rules and can keep it clear, I guess you can use whatever dialogue format you like. It is a bit confusing to native English speakers though.

          Also, your English is very good for a second language. I applaud you for being able to write this well and be bilingual. My only language is English lol.


          Oh, the synopsis does not have to match the story format. It is a bit jarring, but it’s not incorrect to have a different perspective for each. In that case, I would suggest giving more details about what the actual story is like in the synopsis. Perhaps the characters can talk more about the adventure in their dialogue? All you really do is call out the narrator (even though he is actually about to tell the whole story, haha).

          2 months later

          Hi!! I need advice on how to make this synopsis even more juicy/appealing... Any help is appreciationed


          They say innocence is bliss, but what happens when innocence meets corruption?

          Fair as a maiden, Maya had no idea what she was getting into when she first heard Veronica speak of the 'Underworld'. A criminal organisation fuelled by drugs, sex and cold hard cash for the super-rich.

          Even worse, the one she loved had kept her 'activities' there hidden from her for years.

          "Please... Mie.. I'm telling you.. I won't recover from this..." I breathed exasperatedly, rattling the chains that tied me to the bed. She was no longer the innocent and naive girl I once knew, but a wild animal pinning down her prey.

          "I'm not telling you to recover.." Maya's voice echoed coldly in the dark, "I'm telling you to go insane~"

            Look, your sypnosis is great. Can you send me the link to your novel, mine ishttps://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/21973020206733705?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4319532034

              10 days later

              Professor_slaroM

              Hmm, I can try to help. Sorry about the delay, I haven’t been on this app since before the holidays… haha.

              A good synopsis has to tell the reader what the story is about and build interest while remaining short. To fix yours up a bit, I would combine some of these sentences into 1-2 paragraphs that are more consistent in their format.

              I think your problem is that you start by describing the idea of your story and then jump into a random scene without context. Personally, I would just describe your story (focusing on the first question you ask) with the theme being, “Read the book to get an answer.” Also, I would end with that question because it is pretty powerful/engaging to me.

              Here is what I would write (I didn’t read your book, so some things might need to be changed to match the book better or more details can be added):


              Fair as a maiden, Maya didn’t know what she was getting into when she followed Veronica, her lover, into the Underworld. A criminal organization that’s fueled by sex drugs, and cash from the rich, Veronica hid the Underworld from the naive Maya for over a year, but that is about to change.

              They say innocence is bliss, but what happens when innocence is corrupted?


              You can change things up, but the idea is to tell the reader what your story is generally about in the first paragraph. The second paragraph asks a loaded question and screams, “Read the book to get the answer!” However, actually typing the sentence ruins the effect. You want to imply that.

                shadowdrake27 I would add that it's not always bad to simply jump into a scene. There are ways to make it work, the sudden adrenaline rush of being unceremoniously dropped into a scene, especially with the right theming, can make for a really impactful start. The "unknown" in writing is a tool not often used, but it can be quite potent.

                But of course, there are always the slip-ups that can make it fall flat. Pacing it too quickly will just make your readers confused, and doing it too slowly or not giving enough information as you go along will also confuse them, and make it lose its edge. There's a perfect balance that needs to be obtained.

                  ShoeInk

                  Everything you said is true. However, I tend to shy away from it because I don’t know how to create that perfect balance. Perspective switches are hard in general because there is no good/set way to alert your reader that it is happening unless it is done at the start of a new chapter. In my opinion, you can create the same effect in the synopsis without dropping the reader into a scene.

                  I do like stories that start with an impactful/shocking scene as the “first chapter” or “first scene” and then flash back to show us “how we got there.” This technique is easier to pull off (in my opinion) and is an easy way to add a great hook to the beginning of a story. It also naturally avoids the problem of scaring away readers with boring explanations before they are invested into your story… but that is another topic.

                  Edit - Keeping a scene in this blurb would also be easier if it didn’t switch to first person. By using “I” and making a character the narrator there is huge shift for the reader. If the scene was in third person with the same narrator, then this would read a lot better. That change of perspectives from third to first really threw me off.

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