Mallory_reads
Okay, The Last Werewolf dam dam daaaa da. Dam dam dam daaa da. Why I have this classical piece in my head now.
-O damn I should of picked the other novel its teen tagged/5
-Synopsis, family tries to think the best of problematic children and they act up and try go call police even parenting success 0/5.
-Could use prologue for world info dump purposes.
-Action action action, who is this jack guy now/5 where are we now where we left the woman?
-When the painfully lame teen experiences and problems meet the overly teedious parents 1/5 xD
-That being said the dialogue, feelings and this genre basics are good. Just world building would need a lot and scenarios, where everything happens and its difficult because in between the dialogue people have to watch something and see something. Jack opened the door to apologise parents for what he had done. But he was met with the gazes of two frightened parents with sex toys on the blank floor and another was dressed as pumpking and other as a carrot, you can guess who is who. The leather harnests and mouth balls were too much for Jack and he hesitantly and slowly close the sturdy oak door to clean his eyes from the stravesty. Jack went to his room and cried and contemplated cutting himself with spoon. Thats drama xD

      AuthorZamsii321
      Okay I picked the one without children in synopsis I feel its the right choice now what Im still waking up. Ugh children..
      -Deathly Alpha super gene immortality guy
      -He had forbidden love for himself/5 eeee what doesn it mean 😅 going ee solo??
      -A woman who wants to kill immortal man. Is it impossible considering what was writen just several rows before. Welll maybe she doesn't just know the details and she is just enjoying seeing people die. I don't judge.
      -World building explodes from the dark room.
      -No joke, this is really nice build up and information flow.
      -Dialogue is exceedingly well placed + feelings coming from it.
      -Okay now the quality of the story is basically up to the balance of the world and what medium and long arcs there will be. Also motives play part in this and side characters have to have some possibility than just being named plank tokens instead of a person. If all of these check and this thing runs for several hundred chapters there might be veeeery good results.

          Ghost_Worker
          It could be so nice if anyone could write interesting dungeon master novel without it somehow getting teedious micromanagement only with tons of artificial limitations. Lets see.
          -Not very much chapters but same goes than in the other system novel review. Don't spam too much the system status without any reason. Its just a filler in most cases if nothing big has happen to the stats or skills and if I read about the skill I dont need to see it later in list of status every time to somehow remember it. Smart way could be just very seldomly use full status window like every 20 chapters and just tell what is different now when something gets updated.
          -Population numbers??/5
          -Sleeping god experience school shit and gigle modifier 3/5
          -Okay its 1/4 status updates, 3/4 dialogue 1/150 world building and not yet at least any goals or motives. But 3 chapters so we will see how it will develop. World building will need considerable boost, same goes with the scene environment descriptions.

              Visal_Word_Smith
              Okay you drop a lot new specific concepts at reader in synopsis, and no explanation for them. It gives some info yes but it leaves reader totally hanging about what is even happening here. Definitelly could be better. Tags are interesting but I fail to see connection between synopsis and the tags.
              -First I was like wtf MC gets everything in prologue AND THEN THE WRITER TRICKED ME HOHOOO ! 😃 IT WAS A LIE IT WAS DREAM CAKE IS A LIE!!/5
              -Usual t-shirt and pants (better to say like is it black or wat)
              -Dialogue is okay, I like the ratio of explanations and dialogue it has to be like this in these kind of world stories.
              -I have feeling its the kind of "stuff happens" novel, it could have better defined motives and goals to enchant readers understanding of medium and long arcs of the plot.
              -FIrst system novel without unnessessary system spam/5

                  Goran_B
                  Okay 1 chapter story. I recommend using paragraphs.
                  -Almost all written in 3th perspective /all seeing perspective or passive.
                  -No dialogue, not even MC contemplation or toughts and feelings.
                  -Super hyper fast story development, fastest I have ever seen..

                    Felicia_Olojo

                    Uu spooky stuff cemetery start.
                    -After the first profound paragraph late-teens appear with their getting to college problems/5 target audience?
                    -Alcohol first always/5
                    -Why I have the feeling this has been written with scenario writing of spooky LA movies..
                    -Prologue or some info on where things are happening would be nice. Also world building would need considerably more.
                    -Very dialogue driven, some like it somebody not.

                      Who is up for a WSA review?! Now, if you review both my books, I will review two of yours or if you have one book, I will review them twice so, here are mine! Both are on WSA but you can choose any or both to review. I would prefer you review the last wolf, though, if you want to review only one. ❤ Reply done and I will be on your book immediately. If I am not, it only means I am not online at the moment. Just have some patience and I will get to it the moment I get back. 😁
                      https://m.webnovel.com/book/the-last-werewolf-(silver-blood)_23946864705611105

                      https://m.webnovel.com/book/justice-and-desire_24130716506426405

                        Please go to review swap thread if you want to do that, this thread is about honest reviews 😛

                          sajid_alam
                          Ahhh proper morning tea in imperial style. What?? Tribes sects political boogaloo. Let see.
                          -Light novel starts with the word mom/5.
                          -In a strange world of battles and magical myth things and gods the world building starts with the parent and child discussion about the world. Is it the definition of the development or how MC will develop remains to be seen. Also talking with the children about THE LORD OF DARKNESS!!! 5/5 early pedagogics.
                          -Best practice pedagogics continue in form of a ill thought suecide 5/5. Could of maybe written more reasons why any woman would be that stupid to kill herself because of some random scumbag ex. It really ads to the bad parenting genre and MC will grow mest up.
                          -After this the world building becomes very thin and dialogue rules the writing almost entirely.
                          -Dialogue technique could be better, there is mentions of opening door or some other things in passive form in brackets, you could check how these things are written in almost any fantasy book.
                          -[phone disconnected] vrs "Mc Mac Mc looked at his phone from last centyry that his stupid parents that died had got him from the flee market. In irritation he saw that the phone was disconnected again and he could not call to helpdesk because the phone was useless. Mc Mac Mc decided to stay inside whole day and eat icecream instead. * Fuck it * Mc thought. (Albeit my example is some stupid shit I wrote while being tired at morning 😃, the point is that you can drop all meta data of personal feelings and thoughts what people are having when something happens and not just passivelly use bracketed actions. Those are only used in mangas when they want to cover some space with text so there is less things to draw.

                              GrandSky

                              Fate. (Fuck I hate that world really it always drops the agency and real choice and things are thought in deterministic ideologies/religions/bs philosophies. Fate is the step uncle of laziness. Oh yea the story 😃
                              -Okay I get the point in synopsis but now synopsis doesn't really tell anything but clishe determinition plot thing, albeit in kind of critical manner but still. The point of the synopsis is either info dump enough to advertice the whole world building, or invest reader to spesific main character/s or offer some unique or very spesific scenario that might interest people as a advertisement. It really has to motivate people to open your novel. Because of these reason I recommend re-writing it based on your world and actual setting.
                              -Antihero genius, I hope this is done by not making everyone else stupid.
                              -When you steal 95 imperial coins?? So whats the value of it, could MC say that this wont even buy me 1 week of food or something comparable. This is always very important when any number of coins or currencies are first introduced.
                              -Damn the story flow is pretty decent, only thing I would want more is decent info dumping at some point but its good going.
                              -Dialogue is practical, could write more feelings meta on it to florish the characters acts.
                              -Status window all details again, Ok good no status window spamming, this is probl most balanced use of it what I have seen for a long time.
                              -If you use missions/quest keep them open enough not to create tunnel vision for all the activities of MC. More of advice at this point.

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