Nidhongg

In the synopsis there is a 3 choices about

  1. Dungeon Master

  2. Dungeon Conqueror

  3. Dungeon Explorer

It really leaves nice feeling of options, however in many cases in these stories MC just picks something without justifying the choice at all or they just pick at random while being OP master geniuses and it could of been done in any other way. Keep the choices real and the story is more complex and relatable at the same time that is typically hard to do. I like the use of writen tag genres, helps a bit with the system not having all of then in Wn. I think Im going to steal this idea thanks.

Game system related novel things, if nothing much changes it would be better not to spam the MC status window all copy paste details every time MC looks at the status. I know status is important feature of these kind of stories but it is same time one of the biggest fillers that reader sees through if it doesn't have substantial change that would actually lead to some contemplation or new discovery. And above all when I listen to some robot audio book light novel on my soffa.. THE LAST thing is what I want to hear is same status stats 9999 times. It makes it impossible to listen to. Now there are many opinions about these things, some dont like that some people make robot audios of their novels and some even ask for it. Im not locking my stories out because it would receive less readers and If I write hundreds and thousands chapters then probl readers are more willing to help with the donations while being fair and giving free thousand of chapters for someone who likes them. It doesn't always convert into money but keeping the novel open is definitelly rising the amount of readers tremendously. You can always make books later and publish them in old fashion way if money is so important. (Ok end of rant and back to the story 😃)

Damn 1 chapter ends and another begins with same copy paste status without main person even opening it or something. Otherwise dialogue mostly with system for understandable reason is ok. Writing flow is ok, could explain world or surroundings more or contemplate it more since MC is in new environment. Nice lust going on chapter 14. Oh the harem update needs the whole status window to be written again damn I should of known. My arc enemy the useless status window. Okay and there is missions. So I have said about the missions somewhere probl but I tell it again because this is clearly more game motivated system. If you keep forcing quest without any choices to MC it will create this loop tunnel vision where character is predeterminedly going about in the world and just brainlessly doing the quests and ofc achieving them somehow always because otherwise story would end or stall so badly that nobody would want to read it. The "NEW OPTION" would be to give MC choice based quests or pool of quests where he can make what he deems better for him. Not this hey go to another side of the world MC kill rats from the cellar of my aunt and then come back to reveive 10 gold coins oh the travelling cost 50.000 gold coins not my problem prompted the system

STATUS WINDOW

MC name: Generic MC name

MC Class: MC sword idiot MC

999999999 STR
0 INT
20 VIT
800 fucks given

Harem members: Furious and trying to kill MC because of jealousy

Skills
Appreciate beauty: opens the drooling function

Lands owned
None

Titles hold
The most MC ever MC MC

Relations to the king
MC Boosted bs with unrealistic stuff

Status Status window bonus
Status on MC: fuck im tired of the MC dont talk to me MC, just do the damn quest slave MC as I order it hahehahuho Im a system. Bliib bloob

(Just comedic ending gathered all the frustration of the systems stories. I really like a good systems stories but there is so much something else entirely). Hope the tips were helpful 😃

Abigail_Okoi_Obuli

Nah I dont like to negate anyones ratings for my very spesific opinions that to large extend are very peculiar. I wouldn't think it as fair.

The synopsis could be more detailed and broader. Its the first glance on the entirety of the story. Ookay its going to be teenager college fantasy story hopefully not in the usa style tv series plot writing Im just far too old and too decadent to look into those. There are very large markets for that kind of writings and audiences but not my thing. The most realistic reqistering process into the college 😃D It wouldn't hurt to know a bit more about MC before story starts right a way in slice of life kind of way without personal contemplation that would tell reader who MC is. Ok the dean dialogue makes me to suspect that either main person is too serious or severe case of not autism but asperger. Nothing wrong with chars like that. Flow of dialogue realistic otherwise, details dropping could be more extensive, also world building info dumping could be more but maybe we get there. Good thing with the dialogue is that the feelings don't even need to be mentioned its clear. Also it was so heart warmin to watch readers answer to your question it is all nice and good culture for novels. Im too darn jaded for it though but much appreciated act. Over all the story is very fast phased depends on the target audience is it seen good or bad.

    Dark_Scholars

    Yea its written with the fanfic kind of writing logic (kind of difficult to say why I have that feeling). The start is kind of difficult if it has a lot of names shotgun shot all over the place and people supposed to remember them? It also doesn't add to the world building if nothing else is told about them. I keep scrolling back to check who is this guy. Dialogue is okay but environments and feelings are not expressed that much. Aijai already thinking about dating and people dont even know much about the main character at that point. It could be problematic for relatability. Okay the feeling part gets better, the environment thing doesn't. Purposes and plans could be nice but its a love story presumably so maybe all else ceases to have value when blinded by the bl. I don't know the genre enough to tell the difference.

      Majer3 Thanks for the feedback, although I can't tell if you're being sarcastic about the college registration part😅 I'll try my best to improve. Thank you for taking time to read my story

        Abigail_Okoi_Obuli

        No, its very typical because they have to register at most thousands of people so you can imagine the mental burden of it at least they are tired, at least.

          Livylivalive

          Synopsis, very poetic but didn't get sleep last night (migraine) so it makes it almost unreadable, nice broad use of words though. Theme is interesting and the setting. It reminds me of story of Napoleonic wars with dragons. Military equipment realism is always good.Same goes with all manner of things. For all fantasy writers even the weight of cold coins should be measured to some extend.

          Here is video about it:
          Lesson of the day, what ever you write as a writer, study the subject at least the main topics of it.

          Your writing style remind me of First Law Trilogy, at least glance through it you might be surprised its like even darker and synical version of what you have written. Balanced dialogue, maybe world setting could be expressed more clearly. Some info dumping could be handled more vigorously. But as proper tone, there are no dignities in war. Only purposelly glorification, brutalization, interpretations, fact mutilation, narrative wars and maybe one day a book or two written with more clarity but still generalization by a historian. War never changes. You write also nicely the moral personal hazard of the war and violence that is nice. Deepens the tragedy ay.
          scroll scroll scroll, where is the economy* o nice grand gestures and proper etiquette. Nice beginning, still story is for good reason slow burn but it has good thing going. Maybe Ill try remember it and look it up from youtube with robot voice telling it to me in a very human way later. Have to read a lot every day so it is what it is. Modern miracles.

            vesnxx

            Olrait, decadent suggar dady opinions coming through as requested xDD
            Back to the mega serious SCARY professional business of art director review.

            Synopsis: Dayymm drama starts at the synopsis already/5
            Copyright: act from 1988/5, I suggest to use copyright classifications instead either some copyright classification or one of the creative commons https://creativecommons.org/ by this choice you can pretty much dictate everything of the use and tell it only by a single line of text in form of classification. Example “Furggelen afterglow” by Lukas Schlagenhauf is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.
            drama: sleazy bag that gropes/5, maybe they marry in chapter 2. Never give up hope but when it goes wrong its just nope.
            Legal issue drama 1/5 its common sense to battle for a good reason against stupid law breaking scumbaggery people who abuse their landlord powers. There has to be evident real reason. Just making a lawyer call them is typically the best. They can tell in perfect way how idiotic it would be according to law 🙂
            Style of writing is the kind of hectic phased dialogue driven not a lot love for world building kind of thing. The slower the story goes more possibilities there are for this. I personally love 2-3 pages of info dumps to the autistical perfection. mmmmm tasty. 😁
            Otherwise this reminds me of English soap opera dialogue+ scenery plan writing. Not what I typically read but these things have immense audience also so what do I know. To give benefit of the doubt at least there is more flesh lust and action going on than in your normal merry sue run of the mill milk and cookies at 2 pm kind of lullaby laziness endless TV series with laughing track on it.

              Majer3 yo, add me discord I wanna ask you something and thx. ( Choka#4515).

                Majer3 thank you for advice and opinion I apreciate it 😁😁 and I know it's not one of my best but it blummed in moments when I read the title of the WPC so I am proud of my fast imagination 🤣🤣🤣 but am almost daily going through it looking for imptovements honestly ;P

                  vesnxx

                  Yea its hard stuff to do quality with speed. Have to be wired for it.

                  Majer3 Majer3 thanks, I’ll study more on economy and try to handle info dump. This was really useful. And yes, war is horrible, in every ways. I’ll read the first law trilogy if I have time. Hope you get some sleep, and have a nice day and sweet dreams <(^_^)>

                    Majer3 Yeah, I should notify them more. The problem is there were robbers in the kingdom who were robbing the citizens. Yeah, I think I hadn't mentioned it in the chapter. But the complaints about the kingdom firstly come to the Chief commissioners, Alvis who was ordered to solve them and later inform him about every problem. He was ill as I mentioned in the first chapter with the maid scene so the readers could get through the robbers scene. But now I think I should write it in the king's dialogue that "I was ill and you don't even care to inform me about this matter." I will edit the part of king's dialogue. So, readers could get it easily. By the way, I was making the process of ML and FL to come closer. I am thankful to you for pointing out the mistakes that I even don't consider.

                      LingYueYan

                      Ah the young non-insta löööv by LingYueYan in form of Contemporary Romance lets se,

                      -Dialogue functional
                      -Car brand details important/5 xDD But does it has a nice spinner car dusters tho..
                      -Not only this thing has drama but it has the juicy family chat group drama D: I didn't even know this thing could exist!
                      -äääääääää family life/5 (not my thing too fussy) xD But probl normal person would think its wholesome af
                      -The arguing is just the kind of thing that causes nausea and panic reaction to find smarter people.
                      -Why can I relate to evilMC but not so much to airhead MC. Corruption??
                      -Overall okay work, Not the genre I would go for but there was not a big deal wrong with it either. Maybe medium and high arcs for plot could be displayed with more agency to get some drive going.

                        Dreamerx30

                        Yea and not everyone has the level of detail than royal family and some things are not known by others so. Its slow burn anyway. But when it comes to the interaction of the upper echelon of any decently run empire THE FATHER OF THE EMPIRE, MAXIMILIA THEODOR LUDWIG DRAGUS THE THIRD WILL HAND HIS CLAIM ON THE SITUATION IN MOST MAJESTIC WAY (and with the information from thousands of spies and guards, organizations and he is holding the hundreds of delegates and workers under each ministry. Just to make point of that the information flow is good to be felt like in different manner.

                          MansonFD7

                          Okay hell yea sci fi for a change. Lets see.. Dark oh wonderful, romance eh?? Well maybe there is light after dark or so they claim. Nooot entirely sure about the superduper hero power stuff I really dont want to see any failed Marvel moneygrap normal people superhero stuff ever again x,D but advanced technology is always nice.
                          -Parents Strongly Cautioned makes me think maybe I should only review these/5
                          -Apocalypse, okay I hope it would have that existential thread of emotion that Falout intros have about the condition of humanity.
                          -Grammar mistakes/ if you are not native or even if you are use Grammarly premium google for cheaper code tho it drops the price from 144 to 115 dollars. Its only for the year tho, but if you write a lot and would need editing otherwise its for a year pretty decent deal and comes up with a lot of stuff that permit even me to pass text to public without too much of worry.
                          -Hey have to give a author credit for honest contemplation of his gaming selection its nice to have these kind of reflections. People tend to use auxiliar chapters way too little.
                          -After nice infodump prelude several chapters are almost purely dialogue with action packed stuff. Could it hurt the actions too much to write in between the changes of skenery, feelings, contemplations and such. When we think any complex solutions there has to be contemplation. Even genius has to weight their odds now and then.
                          -Also the agency and feeling of what goals are are a bit plurred by the lack of contemplation and thinking with dialogue heavy writing. But yea this is still relativelly easy way to rise the level of writing from action skenario writing to action scifi writing.

                          Majer3 Thanks for the review ^^. I will work harder to make the characters and plot interesting.

                            Moonwriting

                            I am the one who will tell when I stop ;D

                            Nice humantraficing and dark during the morning tea. Everything is fantastic.
                            Now I will go see continuation will it appeal in bad light to go woke go broke.inc &entity or will it display the actual true ugliness of the human traficing in its clorious post-imperial manners. Realism after all is the key to the wisdom.
                            -Com oon guys, slicing? Are you some nannies in the kindergarden. Here is what you are going to do, first you take 30 hungry rats and you put the traitor hanging with the rope on top of bucket just that he can stand on it. Then you let the rats have their meal. When the guy drops you waterboard him, after you give him sock treatment and then its hammer time. And just when they are about dead you treaten them with their family, relatives, fucking pet gerbil if you have to for information acquisition. After, disposin of the body is very nice to do with the pigs. One hungry pig will consume several kilos per minute with the bones so your task of disposing human corpse is guite fast indeed. Alternativelly use chemical methods. Slicing aijaijai 😅
                            -Mafiaboss with control of europe but doesn't know how to effectively interrogate people/5. There is too many functional things that keep getting me distracted to think that the boss is just a some logal thug and don't have proper skills and manners to be able to conduct multicountry wide organization with countless number of adverseries, interpol, Eu police agreements, and so on. Ok ok its a novel but the guy who even technically could do that would have to be a lot more smarter and a whole a lot more cruel to be realistic.
                            -back to the story after ranting xD
                            -Environments could be nice to descripe in the mids of dialogue flow.
                            -And now you are saying that they are not keepin their damn humans/products in perfect condition for trading? Bad teeths would be the worst for anyone unless they plan to take all the teeth away. Ok ok I don't judge maybe they are doing special delivery. We will see.

                            -Love is the strangest animal. You have a super genius mafiaboss who despite his incompetence somehow can have hold on whole entirety of europe but he still falls in love with a prepped wallflower who seem to be innosent, after ahem* 2 years of being victim of psychological torture and falls in love with her. Now thats like grand strategy of love novel, you have to make perfect tactics to conquer that heart and be truely in love hormon mixtures to be able to want a broken human without any prospects whilst being super genius criminal mastermind. Thats true love, better than Twilight.

                              SoniiNaaz

                              Oh we are continuing with the topic of love but this time the love is also pure from the first sight even only to be contract marriage. But as in our last story the "contract" was reinforced eeee guite strongly. Lets see how this one works.
                              -This half mask fellow on the covers feels familiar to me, have I seen him somewhere.. hmm..
                              -If the skin is dull, how its complexion is.. beautifull?? Words support or negate the argument of beauty.
                              -infodupmp flash backs! Im impressed. Its always crusial to do infodump as a story within the story/or valid relatable contemplation.
                              -Ma Jun the emotional mama's boy awww.
                              -ah good ol tried and true slavery is back hurray! 😁
                              -questionmark leading headlines alot OH THUGLIFE okay lets go there. You dont choose thuglife, the thuglife chooses you. Yeaaa boii get in the gaaang maaan try it once sweet easy money gogogogo.
                              -Ugly and cool oh boy its going to be difficult in the gang after all..
                              -HAHAHA gets beaten by a woman and 7 year old child so comical gang life x,D
                              -Otherwise, dialogue/explanation balance is ok, just what Im finding difficult is to track the reasonings or main motives of the each individuals.

                                Majer3

                                Thank you so much for your time and efforts.......this is the best review I ever get. I find your torture tactics are more insane...can come handy at some time. I'm sure to work on my lacking...........sure...........sure your are the boss and tell us when are you going to stop...🤣😂😅

                                  Majer3 Thanks for an awesome review, I like the way you expressed 😂😍 I am glad that you took the time to review my book, I appreciate your efforts, dear friend, Nice meeting you 😄 have a good day and stay blessed 🙌

                                    SoniiNaaz

                                    You are welcome.
                                    Generally since it had been already tens of novels, there might be possibility that one or more haven't liked what I have written about their work. But yea hopefully funny at least.
                                    We are building a writer community with few friends but it will still need updates on the website and discord bot system is not done yet but I will leave link to it later. For those who are interested in writing or discussions about writing and promotions of their works.

                                      Little_North_Star

                                      Okay now we get to continue with the mafia ;D please check the earlier review where pigs get human flesh and the choices of torture methods are discussed and analyzed.
                                      -Now I figured its a comedy. Damn no proper torture needed/5
                                      -Stakes are high KING of THE MAFIA WORLD!! lets see the unique skills of this criminal mastermind!
                                      -"For some reason the cold blooded and ruthless man suddenly changes personality whenever Fenhua is around mad becomes the endless pamperer and cute stay at home boyfriend." oh no, nooo dont take the cruel awayyy always these women somehow doing that/5.
                                      -World building, hey lets throw a random number and call it sector/5.
                                      -Dialogue relates the feelings of the character, thats good thing for this genre. Particularly important
                                      -Very dialogue driven, as usual I would like to see some contemplation and environments, but also some knowledge of motives.
                                      -ah the princess. This reminds me of principle women are children and men are monkeys. I view this principle and equivalency to the reality as a defacto in all occasions.
                                      -Well yea inside of the gossib feel based comedy its okay writing, not the one I would read but it is at least intermediate level within that genre.

                                      Majer3 Can you let me know your discord name or you can search me Fluffybarries29#3811

                                        Majer3 Sure! This author said she would love an honest review. (As if mine wasn't enough 😁) Anyways, I have asked her and she said I can share her links here. She doesn't mind a brutal review so you can post the review on her book.

                                        https://m.webnovel.com/book/justice-and-desire_24130716506426405

                                        https://m.webnovel.com/book/the-last-werewolf-(silver-blood)_23946864705611105

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