UelUel minor things I would change. Instead of saying we have, it would be better as: we had no idea….

    UelUel even though eng is not ur first language, its pretty good.

      UelUel yeah its too much to like... digest? for the first time read? I felt like I was reading ur outline for the novel, rather than a chapter. Try to stick to what is necessary. U can explain the rest later.

          UelUel it becomes so confusing because it’s hard to tell which character is which really. And sometimes you have 4/5 characters talking, but I can even keep track of the first few. There should be more physical indicators, like, the brown haired girl. Or like, (name of character) chipper, or the red shirt-boy, etc. or the professor. It helps readers tell which character is which

            AuHNG Hey. Just dropped my first chapter to my Web Novel series, My Mafia System: I'm Going To Build The Mafia In A Fantasy world. I'd appreciate it if you checked it out! And if you love it, please pick a collection and wait for more chapters.

            Does everyone truly deserve a second life? The idea of reincarnation is an opportunity for one to turn over a new leaf. However, what if God reincarnates someone just for his amusement and entertainment. That's exactly the case of Fujikawa Takuji, an infamous mafia boss, who unfortunately met his end. God offered him a second life of evil in the Middle Realm, a world of swords and magic. However, Takuji isn't reincarnated empty-handed. He is reincarnated with a system - Mafia System. However, Takuji is reincarnated as Chloe Granbel, the first child and first daughter of the Baron Granbel family. Read Chloe's journey as she has to build a mafia group in a fantasy world. What will Chloe do to build connections and rise her mafiagroup https://www.webnovel.com/book/27025968305098505/72925341009636296?utm_campaign=4322795312
            Please leave a review and pick a collection.

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