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ErioMillionz somewhat interesting but not the genre that I would personally read. It's too catered to adult audiences.

Mostly writing improvements here and there as ur premise is interesting.

AuHNG @Origins_Ancestor Critique:
Hey, I'm def intrigued by the world you're building. The idea of a spatial rift called "Chasm," the emergence of the Trespassers, and the transformation of the world into a single continent can be captivating concepts. The introduction of Essence and its consequences adds a layer of complexity. But here’s how you could improve your writing:

1. The sentences in the first chapter are quite long and packed with information. This can make it hard for the reader to follow along. Breaking them down into shorter, more digestible sentences can help convey the details more clearly.

2. There are some places where punctuation could be used more effectively, especially when introducing new concepts or thoughts.

3. The first chapter reads more like a summary or exposition. While this can be useful in some contexts, a more engaging approach might be to show these events and concepts through action, dialogue, or characters' experiences.

Here's how I would write it without major changes to the overall structure: Five hundred years ago, the world trembled and groaned as a spatial rift tore open the sky. They called it the Chasm, and from its depths emerged the Trespassers—hideous monsters of immense power that threatened every corner of the world.

People across the seas once thought they were safe, isolated from the terror that the Chasm unleashed. But a cruel twist of fate pulled every continent together, binding them into a single massive supercontinent that would be known as Tellus, after Tellus Mater, the Latin name for Mother Earth. It was an apt name for the immense forces of nature that had reshaped the land.

Yet, the Chasm was not an entirely merciless force. It bestowed upon humanity a mysterious energy known as Essence, a weapon to fight back against the Trespassers. But the Essence was a double-edged sword. Those who tried to harness its raw power without understanding were twisted into something grotesque. Their bodies and minds deformed, they became known as the Blighted—wretched beings forever marked by their misguided ambition.

In this way, the Chasm became both a threat and a promise, a challenge to humanity's ingenuity and courage.

The world had changed, but within the chaos, there lay a glimmer of hope. A chance to rise above and reclaim the land that had been torn asunder...

Again: this is still a lot of plot summary, but at least it reads better.

AuHNG @Undeadk Critique: chunky info. Passive voice instead of active in many portions. Some unnecessary sections that don't add too much.

In a grand hall filled to the brim, a charged atmosphere takes hold. Though designed to accommodate a hundred seated spectators, standing attendees double the count. The room buzzes with anticipation, all eyes fixed at the stage.

The stage itself is minimal, adorned only by three figures that dominate attention.

Two are tall, sturdy warriors, clad in armor that glimmers with deceptive delicacy. A pair of dual swords, an unusual choice for men of such stature, hang from their waists.

But it's the third man, a pitiable sight on his knees at the center, who holds everyone's gaze. His unkempt hair, ragged beard, and skeletal frame speak of untold hardships. Dehydration has ravaged his skin, but no pity softens the eyes that scrutinize him.

Chains mark him as a criminal and the emblem on his forearms solidifies the lack of compassion. A wolf howling at the sun, the insignia of Ancient House Solis, once great, now fallen:

First founded by the Archduke Solis, Sekemeth Solis, 768 years ago, at some point, the organization ended up cutting ties with House of Solis. Today, only the ruins of its headquarters and some documents that reveal its greatness of the past remain. Only the military organization has the right to use this emblem to mark some of its most important and honored members.

Because it is such an old military organization, its deeds, conquests, accomplishments, successes and exploits are known throughout the world. The whole world has respect, reverence, esteem, fear and envy for the organization and all those a part of it.

Then...

What did this man do to end up in his current situation?

"SILENCE," cuts through the room, a voice commanding yet melodic.

A fourth figure emerges, a tall black woman named Helena Alekseeva. Clad in casual attire, she stands out among the stern and formal assembly.

"I didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be here... and I'm sure none of you guys want to be here," she declares, setting the tone for what's to come. "But here we are, so let's get this over with..."

With a practiced ease, she begins to direct the proceedings: "Let's start with introductions. I'm Helena Alekseeva, Executive Director and General of Arms of Babel. I'm here to lead the judgment, coordinate the
negotiations and pass sentence on prisoner 365329, known as Apolo Kairis, for the crime of desertion and direct failure to comply with direct orders of the high command."

As soon as she finished speaking, she waved at the two guards. Then the two moved: one went to the corner of the stage and grabbed a chair and brought it close to the man known as Apollo. The other guard helped Apollo position himself correctly in the chair and injected a substance into the his arms.

Soon, Apollo's eyes began to water and twitch, the veins began to swell and stand out under the skin until twitching and twitching could be seen in various muscles of the body.

"No, no, no, no, no... Please leave me alone. I don't want this anymore." he cried out deliriously, "That's enough."

Those low murmurs rang through the room... shaking, pleading like someone who has lost everything and no longer sees any reason to continue the suffering. Not for a miserable and despicable existence.

Everyone in this room heard this appeal, but even so, not a single one felt remorse or pity. On the contrary, it sparked anger:

"My son DIED because of you, you bastard! He was 13 and he DIED because of YOU!"

A female rose from her chair and screamed, her voice burning with rage. But before other people could do the same, Helena intervened:

"The next one who breaks the rules and causes disorder in the court will be expelled and duly punished."

[...]

Her eyes lock with Apollo's, searching for something. Perhaps a trace of the man she once admired, a spark now dimmed. Her voice trembles with a mixture of betrayal, disappointment, and a lingering trace of hope as she asks, "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The room falls into silence, awaiting his response. The emblem on both their forearms speaks of shared history, and Apollo's eyes hold a hint of understanding. But how did he end up here, accused and broken, when once he stood as a pillar of Babel?

Undeadk let me continue reading. As for other races, perhaps do an outline of the races you want to include in like a doc or something. And for those races, think of actual things that look like them, like lizards, lions, armored warriors, etc. Like for example: draconates. A race that looked like their body was covered in scaled armor, with giant claws that seemed to be able to crush anything in their path. For many, their beady eyes just looked ancient and terrible, like creatures from prehistoric times. But for those who...

UelUel minor things I would change. Instead of saying we have, it would be better as: we had no idea….

UelUel yeah its too much to like... digest? for the first time read? I felt like I was reading ur outline for the novel, rather than a chapter. Try to stick to what is necessary. U can explain the rest later.

UelUel it becomes so confusing because it’s hard to tell which character is which really. And sometimes you have 4/5 characters talking, but I can even keep track of the first few. There should be more physical indicators, like, the brown haired girl. Or like, (name of character) chipper, or the red shirt-boy, etc. or the professor. It helps readers tell which character is which