DarkStarSword Yes, those are valid points, and I think the only reason I didn't was to shorten the chapter, since it was already super long.

    UelUel minor things I would change. Instead of saying we have, it would be better as: we had no idea….

      UelUel even though eng is not ur first language, its pretty good.

        UelUel yeah its too much to like... digest? for the first time read? I felt like I was reading ur outline for the novel, rather than a chapter. Try to stick to what is necessary. U can explain the rest later.

            UelUel it becomes so confusing because it’s hard to tell which character is which really. And sometimes you have 4/5 characters talking, but I can even keep track of the first few. There should be more physical indicators, like, the brown haired girl. Or like, (name of character) chipper, or the red shirt-boy, etc. or the professor. It helps readers tell which character is which

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