Giving free reviews!
- Edited
DragonImmortal I don't see a review from you so I don't know if you dropped mine. I can try reading yours, but again, if you want me to review, please reply HERE and either tell me, eh, you didn't want to review it cause you think my novel sucks, or whatever, and I'll still review yours. @DragonImmortal
Storie_muxica U got good ideas, but remember, blurbs need to be interesting. I feel like there is something lacking in your blurb. Reading ur novel now
@Storie_muxica not a bad premise, but you need to work on your writing a bit... if you want, I can suggest some edits for you.
Blurb, as in synopsis?
Hahaha i just made it in 2 mins or such
I am just rying to confirm if webnovel is a worthy app for my lazy writing but,
Yeah, it's worth it
Gotta improve everything
Even my grammaring, i didn't even give it a care...
You can try chap 6 above
I get pretty serious there
You can leave paragraph comment on chap 6 above if you want
- Edited
(I cut out some scenes, because I feel like they didn't add too much, and would make the reader read too much). Beneath a sky shimmering with stars, my father and I were captivated by one celestial body, a star of extraordinary brilliance, positioned directly above our humble dwelling.
"Wow!" My father is very amazed at such a sight.
I ask if it is that rare or amazing to see such a star among the others.
"Indeed, it is a rarity! I've never seen such a radiant star. It's a first, even for me," he confessed.
Well, the star shined so brightly, it almost felt as though daylight had claimed the star-studded sky, casting a heavenly glow over our home.
"Could it be that God is giving us a reward for our good deeds?" My father pondered aloud. "Being a good person is pretty hard nowadays, after all!" His tone wasn't one of questioning, but rather an invitation for me to acknowledge this statement.
It doesn't even feel like he is just asking, more like he is waiting for me to agree with the idea. I sigh.
I will not stop him from believing that; he really does look happy after all.
Our peaceful stargazing was interrupted by an unexpected knock at the door, startling me out of tranquility and into alertness. Well, it's to be expected considering you fully enjoy a scenery that really is relaxing, leaving worries aside, and giving no or less care to the world. It's like you gave your guard up to the scene, unaware of whatever happened in your surroundings.
As I gazed skywards, contemplating the future, I lost track of time. Suddenly, it dawned on me that my father was missing. I was about to investigate when my bracelet chimed, my father's frantic voice issuing from it.
"Take your sister and run. Now!"
I ran to see what was going on. I open the door leading to the ground floor and... Before I could process his cryptic instructions, my baby sister was catapulted towards me. Instinctively, I caught her, my gaze landing on a cloaked figure wielding a knife bathed in sinister red light.
"What is going on?" I gasped, icy fear gripping my heart.
The man was holding a weapon... It didn't seem natural. Suddenly, I had questions for every possible outcome: What is that thing? Who is that person? Is it here to harm us?
In just a short second, we were encased in a sphere of glowing blue light, acting as a shield and propelling us out of our home. Paralyzed with fear, I reached out my hand slowly, hoping I could grab my parents out there.
As the blue sphere carried us further away, I thought of the situation. It left me speechless. I couldn't move an inch. I struggled with a surge of helpless guilt, leaving my parents behind while they bravely fought off an overwhelming adversary. What will I do? I really want to help. I do... but... Will I only become a hindrance if I do?
Dealing with this in my mind, I see that I am moving further away from them, unable to get out of the sphere of light that was carrying us.
No way...
Then, looking over them from afar, with the thought that I might never see them again, I called to them in a very loud voice.
"Father!!! Mother!!! Where are we going? What are we going to do?
What are you two still doing there? Don't fight!!! Run!!!
"Run, Azroths! Save yourself and your sister!"
My family is a well-skilled hunting family. We were the ones who protected the kingdom, but hearing their voices as they struggle to handle a single person makes me understand how serious the situation is.
Just as I dared to believe we were out of danger, a scorching red light shattered our protective sphere, the sheer force sending us sprawling into the forest. My heart sank as I accepted the unthinkable - my parents were gone.
I clung to my sister, tears streaking my face, and waited for the nightmare to end.
Yeah.. I can still feel the guilt of leaving them behind while I am being put to safety. But this is the right thing to do. The sounds I hear as the side walls of the house are torn apart by the mere passing of the slashes as their weapons make contact. It wasn't something we could handle. We needed to run.
Knowing all they were doing... fighting to buy us time so we can escape, I rushed and flew away from them using the equipment my father put on my sister's clothes.
Hearing this, I cant stop myself but look back, and upon turning my head, blood showed up in front of my face with a little smart feeling on my cheek. It's only at that moment that I realize the house has been cut in half along with the ground, and the sphere shield enclosing us has been shattered into the air by a red light that has reached our distance.
Seriously? That attack still got this far. Needless to say, that remnant light just slightly made contact with the shield. And it shattered it?
No way.. Can they even run from that person?
Seeing that, I frowned as I fell down into the woods, thinking about how unlucky we are.
Ahh... This feeling is news to me. It appears I will accept the death of my parents even though I just heard their voices from my wrist.
But it was no nightmare. I awoke, my body numb and my eyes wet with tears from a dream that had been tormenting me for five long years.
"That again, huh?"
After this, as usual, I go to the adventurers guild and look for a job to help the people. Although it has been 5 years, it is still clear to me what feelings I had at the time. My days were spent as an adventurer, helping townsfolk rather than venturing into treacherous dungeons. This work distracted me from my loneliness, but the memories of my family and the life we once shared were still painfully vivid.
In the woods, where the new job takes place, I encounter a strong beast that is supposed to be in the dungeon.
What in the world is this thing doing here? I ask myself, knowing it wouldn't even scratch me. When I pulled out my sword, the air pressure followed upward, covering the whole area in dust.
As the smoke passes away, over there... is a beast vertically cut into half, along with the gigantic trees surrounding it.
"Well, my job is done. This should be more than enough."
I walk towards the requester, humming my favourite music, as I see a man from the church talking about the end of the world. I pass by as my eyes keep on looking at the man while my head and body go straight to the town.
I got my reward money and went to the guild to have a chat with the other adventurers while drinking alcohol. It really is much more fun to stay in a place that is free from violence and such.
I was walking on the street, heading to my apartment, when I saw a guy in a red cloak waiting outside. They approach me, handing me an envelope, saying... Good evening, adventurer. You are invited to a certain place.
"Invitation?"
This unexpected occurrence sparked a glimmer of curiosity in me.
I look down at the envelope with an empty expression on my face because I can't understand why I received an invitation. I recall nothing about anything that happened today or yesterday.
Well, it will not be so bad if I read this letter, as long as it is not a bomb. After all, I have been talking with the people in the town and with my clients considerately and joyfully for a while now. More likely a manifestation of gratitude, hehe.
After entering my apartment, cooking something, and eating, I dive into bed satisfied for the day.
I have this happy face, remembering the things I and everyone else have done, when suddenly I remember how my family keeps going to town, helping people relieve stress from their stressful day. A dark feeling suddenly overcomes me as I realize that it will never happen again. There is "no one" in the town who resembles how my family acts.
Later that night, the tranquility of my apartment was disrupted by the envelope's contents. It was an invitation to discover something magical. A spark of hope ignited in me; could this magic provide the power I sought to change my past?
As I read for more detail, it really did pique my interest, for somehow, I used to be looking for such things, hoping they existed.
Yeah! There are things you can only do when you have extraordinary power!
I then give myself a free fall into bed and go to sleep excited for the next day that is coming to me with this unknown phenomenon. Magic that is... (this edit isn’t perfect, I would probably stick to more present tenses, rather than flip flopping)
Storie_muxica Here... I did edit the chapter for you though.
@Storie_muxica, ur writing improves a lot from chapter 1-6, but keep in mind that the first chapter leaves a huge impression. Remember... to reduce unnecessary scenes. Also, I'm not sure if your story has one god or multiple, but wouldn't it be fun to have two gods or something, like maybe an evil god and a good one or something. And I do like theidea that humans aren't worth saving, like we normally think we're so important, we must be saved, but that isn't really true.
Storie_muxica what happens to the mc's sister btw, I didn't read any mention of her.
Storie_muxica wrote ur review: When Azroths, a skilled young adventurer, stumbles upon a ferocious beast during a routine job, his life is irrevocably changed. Out of the blue, a group of individuals wielding extraordinary powers appear, vanquishing the beast effortlessly. They claim their abilities are gifts from the gods themselves. Intrigued and seeking answers about his own past, Azroths is drawn into their world of mystic arts and divine secrets.
Haunted by the violent loss of his family and a strange star-studded dream that he relives night after night, Azroths hopes these enigmatic strangers could shed light on his lingering questions. Who was the cloaked figure that attacked his home five years ago? How could his parents’ simple hunting weapons not stand a chance against that unknown power? And who exactly is this God?
As Azroths delves deeper into the world of gods and magic, he embarks on a quest of discovery that could either bring closure to his past or reveal unsettling truths that he might not be ready to face. A web of mystery, hidden power, and divine intrigue awaits in this thrilling tale of an ordinary boy turned adventurer, forced to face extraordinary circumstances. (If you can get past the grammar)
that the story probably needs something interesting to draw the readers attention in first. The writing is good, but I feel like you could garner more interest from a prologue that foreshadows some interesting stuff.
AuHNG Hi! I’m willing to read your novel and drop some feedback/ideas + review, in return, can you leave comments (instead of a review)? If so, here’s my link. I’ll start reading in an hour or so.
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/26147833805198705?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4318679159
You see, i am only an anime watcher
And the scenes i create are pretty important which is not to be ignored, for, at the upcoming chapters, everything will be clear.
As for the gods, it will be very fun for the readers to think how many god is present. Is there multiple gods or one god? Or there is really no god? Situations will even prove that god doesn't exist. But as the story goes on, the readers will only recieves mystery to keep them thrilled.
Seriously, this story will visit almost everything; all of the genre the novel universe has ever had!
As for azroths sister, it will be revealed in the vol. That focuses to Azroths family.
Nothing to expect tho.
I have a very great story to tell
But as you've already know,
Grammaring is not that easy.
Well i can say my grammaring is fine if i give my seriousness to it.
My problem is the lack of words and describing materials
Gotta watch more anime
I wonder how i can save this edit
Storie_muxica my advice? Honestly, join a writing discord or get an editor. That’s like the biggest step for you. You already have a story but you need to polish it. Working on writing is also just as important as writing for your story! This is why I like your plot ideas, but your writing does need more work. I can tell that you’ll def get better as I see improvement from first chapter to the second, already.
I mean from 1-4 there’s a huge jump in quality, so I know you’re getting better at writing.