Storie_muxica Here... I did edit the chapter for you though.
Giving free reviews!
@Storie_muxica, ur writing improves a lot from chapter 1-6, but keep in mind that the first chapter leaves a huge impression. Remember... to reduce unnecessary scenes. Also, I'm not sure if your story has one god or multiple, but wouldn't it be fun to have two gods or something, like maybe an evil god and a good one or something. And I do like theidea that humans aren't worth saving, like we normally think we're so important, we must be saved, but that isn't really true.
Storie_muxica what happens to the mc's sister btw, I didn't read any mention of her.
Storie_muxica wrote ur review: When Azroths, a skilled young adventurer, stumbles upon a ferocious beast during a routine job, his life is irrevocably changed. Out of the blue, a group of individuals wielding extraordinary powers appear, vanquishing the beast effortlessly. They claim their abilities are gifts from the gods themselves. Intrigued and seeking answers about his own past, Azroths is drawn into their world of mystic arts and divine secrets.
Haunted by the violent loss of his family and a strange star-studded dream that he relives night after night, Azroths hopes these enigmatic strangers could shed light on his lingering questions. Who was the cloaked figure that attacked his home five years ago? How could his parents’ simple hunting weapons not stand a chance against that unknown power? And who exactly is this God?
As Azroths delves deeper into the world of gods and magic, he embarks on a quest of discovery that could either bring closure to his past or reveal unsettling truths that he might not be ready to face. A web of mystery, hidden power, and divine intrigue awaits in this thrilling tale of an ordinary boy turned adventurer, forced to face extraordinary circumstances. (If you can get past the grammar)
that the story probably needs something interesting to draw the readers attention in first. The writing is good, but I feel like you could garner more interest from a prologue that foreshadows some interesting stuff.
AuHNG Hi! I’m willing to read your novel and drop some feedback/ideas + review, in return, can you leave comments (instead of a review)? If so, here’s my link. I’ll start reading in an hour or so.
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/26147833805198705?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4318679159
You see, i am only an anime watcher
And the scenes i create are pretty important which is not to be ignored, for, at the upcoming chapters, everything will be clear.
As for the gods, it will be very fun for the readers to think how many god is present. Is there multiple gods or one god? Or there is really no god? Situations will even prove that god doesn't exist. But as the story goes on, the readers will only recieves mystery to keep them thrilled.
Seriously, this story will visit almost everything; all of the genre the novel universe has ever had!
As for azroths sister, it will be revealed in the vol. That focuses to Azroths family.
Nothing to expect tho.
I have a very great story to tell
But as you've already know,
Grammaring is not that easy.
Well i can say my grammaring is fine if i give my seriousness to it.
My problem is the lack of words and describing materials
Gotta watch more anime
I wonder how i can save this edit
Storie_muxica my advice? Honestly, join a writing discord or get an editor. That’s like the biggest step for you. You already have a story but you need to polish it. Working on writing is also just as important as writing for your story! This is why I like your plot ideas, but your writing does need more work. I can tell that you’ll def get better as I see improvement from first chapter to the second, already.
I mean from 1-4 there’s a huge jump in quality, so I know you’re getting better at writing.
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AuHNG I read the first five chapters + the prologue, and your writing style stuck out to me. It was rather unique but somewhat difficult to read as it was a bit rough around the edges.
I like how you described the characters + set the atmosphere through your writing, but some parts could’ve been further elaborated.
The change in POV was rather confusing at times, and the overall clarity of certain paragraphs/chapters was difficult to read. For example, you often shift from “you” and “he” with little to no explanation in-between, leaving the reader to pick up on some parts themselves.
The prologue chapters also felt somewhat bare, but I feel like your writing style got better as the story progressed. At the start, I couldn’t really connect with the characters, and some parts felt a tad bit generic. For example, the betrayal, the friend & girlfriend- it felt somewhat dry like it was being skipped over.
There were also a couple of grammatical and capitalization errors every couple paragraphs.
All in all, I love the idea of your novel, and how you're executing it (but, it’s a tad bit rough around the edges). Still, keep it up!
Now, here’s the link to my novel once again: https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/26147833805198705?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4318679159
Hello,
Please give me feedback on my novel if you have time as i am not too sure myself if i should continue it even though i have just started it.
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/14536835205685405?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4302006378
Will do!
But join a discord and get an editor?
I am amazed to how you can give reviews this many at the same time but...
But i am pretty busy for learning
Being busy aside, i am pretty lazy too!
Rather than spending time to learn things, i think to myself that it will be better if i begin my journey already.
And what's fun is, of course if a person is in a journey, he learns things!
I remember how i enjoy the sceneries while riding leisurely with a vehicle.
That's why, when i found out that i can publish on webnovel for free, i binge wrote a chapter and a careless synopsis
To be honest I've been thinking the plots of this story about half a year now.
I plan to draw it on manga
And i realize that I'll try this webnovel thing
Somehow it's working.
UNKNOWN PHENOMENON is published in webnovel running to 2 months now
By the way,
Some character for my novel i binge draw
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eudine it seems generic because it’s satire. I put many tropes of the genre. Also I don’t have many grammatical mistakes… the ones that I do have are more stylistic, rather than accidental, such as using and or but in the beginning of a character, using sentence fragments for dramatic effect, etc.
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I’m surprised you mostly chose to critique my writing since I did have actual writers on writer discords re-read my work, and they said my writing follows good conventions for American English. These elements: Zhen Ni -> held his hand if it was lucky, a best friend slightly weaker than he was, his mom telling him, that she loves story fry as she dies… (the chapter being called, the hobo gives me a disease ) is all really obvious satire. Now pov shifts, most of the pov shifts I have aren’t true pov Shifts, unless I have transitions in between. For example, when Li Ming asks why, and the answers receives are I, I, I, but that’s not a pov shift. It’s just a stylistic convention of writing dialogue without using quotes. Or the fact, that I introduce Li Ming as: HIs name is Boring, but we call him Li Ming (paraphrased).
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eudine In your writing, one recurring aspect that stands out is the excessive use of vivid descriptors. While your work displays promise (and a good premise), certain sections would greatly benefit from toning down phrases like "cerise-red" and "cobalt-black." It is essential to consider that even though you possess a profound understanding of your novel, such elaborate descriptors can be overwhelming for readers to process in one sitting. Striking a balance between evocative language and simplicity would enhance the overall readability and engagement of your narrative. It’s okay to use cobalt-black/cerise-red, but it is perfectly fine to just use black or red, or write white, instead of ivory (although ivory in the following section does work better). Oh and I just realized, English isn’t your first language! Perhaps that’s why you have difficulty understanding/interpreting satire and differentiating tone in my writing. I also noticed that non-native speakers tend to focus English with a more “by-the-books” way of writing, which is good, but even we don’t do that. We have so many colloquial ways of writing and speaking: a lot of our grammar rules, at least in English exist to be broken (so long as the sentence makes sense). So, for example, we sometimes say, a couple dogs, even though grammatically correct would be: a couple of dogs. (Typing on phone causes me to have typos/weird autocorrects) Also native speakers tend to have more of a grasp on what words are conventionally used, as I do see you using words that can be a bit difficult to understand… for the casual reader. I spent a lot of time writing, which is why your writing reads “easy” to me, but other readers may not feel the same.