that the story probably needs something interesting to draw the readers attention in first. The writing is good, but I feel like you could garner more interest from a prologue that foreshadows some interesting stuff.

    AuHNG

    You see, i am only an anime watcher😅😅😅

    And the scenes i create are pretty important which is not to be ignored, for, at the upcoming chapters, everything will be clear.

    As for the gods, it will be very fun for the readers to think how many god is present. Is there multiple gods or one god? Or there is really no god? Situations will even prove that god doesn't exist. But as the story goes on, the readers will only recieves mystery to keep them thrilled.

    Seriously, this story will visit almost everything; all of the genre the novel universe has ever had!

    As for azroths sister, it will be revealed in the vol. That focuses to Azroths family.

    Nothing to expect tho.

    I have a very great story to tell

    But as you've already know,

    Grammaring is not that easy.

    Well i can say my grammaring is fine if i give my seriousness to it.

    My problem is the lack of words and describing materials😅😅😅😅😅😅

    Gotta watch more anime👀

      eudine i do really extensive reviews as u can see in this thread. If you want a good review, please do actually read my novel. I notice some people post their novel here but don’t even read mine.

        Storie_muxica my advice? Honestly, join a writing discord or get an editor. That’s like the biggest step for you. You already have a story but you need to polish it. Working on writing is also just as important as writing for your story! This is why I like your plot ideas, but your writing does need more work. I can tell that you’ll def get better as I see improvement from first chapter to the second, already.

          AuHNG Of course! I’ll start reading once I’m free as I had said before (within the next hour or so)… I’ll let you know once I’ve left the feedback ^^

            AuHNG I read the first five chapters + the prologue, and your writing style stuck out to me. It was rather unique but somewhat difficult to read as it was a bit rough around the edges.

            I like how you described the characters + set the atmosphere through your writing, but some parts could’ve been further elaborated.

            The change in POV was rather confusing at times, and the overall clarity of certain paragraphs/chapters was difficult to read. For example, you often shift from “you” and “he” with little to no explanation in-between, leaving the reader to pick up on some parts themselves.

            The prologue chapters also felt somewhat bare, but I feel like your writing style got better as the story progressed. At the start, I couldn’t really connect with the characters, and some parts felt a tad bit generic. For example, the betrayal, the friend & girlfriend- it felt somewhat dry like it was being skipped over.

            There were also a couple of grammatical and capitalization errors every couple paragraphs.

            All in all, I love the idea of your novel, and how you're executing it (but, it’s a tad bit rough around the edges). Still, keep it up!

            Now, here’s the link to my novel once again: https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/26147833805198705?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4318679159

              AuHNG

              Will do! 😤

              But join a discord and get an editor?

              I am amazed to how you can give reviews this many at the same time but...

              But i am pretty busy for learning😅

              Being busy aside, i am pretty lazy too!

              Rather than spending time to learn things, i think to myself that it will be better if i begin my journey already.

              And what's fun is, of course if a person is in a journey, he learns things!

              I remember how i enjoy the sceneries while riding leisurely with a vehicle.🐴🐴🐴

              That's why, when i found out that i can publish on webnovel for free, i binge wrote a chapter and a careless synopsis 😁

              To be honest I've been thinking the plots of this story about half a year now.

              I plan to draw it on manga😎

              And i realize that I'll try this webnovel thing😅😅😅

              Somehow it's working.

              UNKNOWN PHENOMENON is published in webnovel running to 2 months now

              By the way,

              Some character for my novel i binge draw

              https://twitter.com/StorieMuxica

                eudine it seems generic because it’s satire. I put many tropes of the genre. Also I don’t have many grammatical mistakes… the ones that I do have are more stylistic, rather than accidental, such as using and or but in the beginning of a character, using sentence fragments for dramatic effect, etc.

                  I’m surprised you mostly chose to critique my writing since I did have actual writers on writer discords re-read my work, and they said my writing follows good conventions for American English. These elements: Zhen Ni -> held his hand if it was lucky, a best friend slightly weaker than he was, his mom telling him, that she loves story fry as she dies… (the chapter being called, the hobo gives me a disease 💀) is all really obvious satire. Now pov shifts, most of the pov shifts I have aren’t true pov Shifts, unless I have transitions in between. For example, when Li Ming asks why, and the answers receives are I, I, I, but that’s not a pov shift. It’s just a stylistic convention of writing dialogue without using quotes. Or the fact, that I introduce Li Ming as: HIs name is Boring, but we call him Li Ming (paraphrased).

                    eudine In your writing, one recurring aspect that stands out is the excessive use of vivid descriptors. While your work displays promise (and a good premise), certain sections would greatly benefit from toning down phrases like "cerise-red" and "cobalt-black." It is essential to consider that even though you possess a profound understanding of your novel, such elaborate descriptors can be overwhelming for readers to process in one sitting. Striking a balance between evocative language and simplicity would enhance the overall readability and engagement of your narrative. It’s okay to use cobalt-black/cerise-red, but it is perfectly fine to just use black or red, or write white, instead of ivory (although ivory in the following section does work better). Oh and I just realized, English isn’t your first language! Perhaps that’s why you have difficulty understanding/interpreting satire and differentiating tone in my writing. I also noticed that non-native speakers tend to focus English with a more “by-the-books” way of writing, which is good, but even we don’t do that. We have so many colloquial ways of writing and speaking: a lot of our grammar rules, at least in English exist to be broken (so long as the sentence makes sense). So, for example, we sometimes say, a couple dogs, even though grammatically correct would be: a couple of dogs. (Typing on phone causes me to have typos/weird autocorrects) Also native speakers tend to have more of a grasp on what words are conventionally used, as I do see you using words that can be a bit difficult to understand… for the casual reader. I spent a lot of time writing, which is why your writing reads “easy” to me, but other readers may not feel the same.

                      AuHNG Hi! I’ve read both of your replies, and I’m sure those factors you used would work great for an actual book or a comic, but it seemed rather messy when paired all together. The overall tone appeared to be comedic, but the usage of “your” for pov was what set me off in the first chapter. For the same thing you said about my writing being difficult to read but only working out since you write frequently- it’s my personal opinion- but as I’ve said before, it seemed more like something I’d see in an actual book or a comic book. Back to what you said about my elaborate descriptions and choice of words, I’ll take that into account for future chapters. But as for your comments about being a native and non-native speaker whatnot, I had read + typed that up at midnight so I do admit that I hadn’t noticed it was satire at first, my bad. As for my fancy usage of vocabulary and writing style, it is the same thing you are doing with your writing—voice. I felt that using a casual tone would be rather ill-fitting towards the setting, hence it may have appeared as you called it, “by-the-books.”

                        eudine

                        That is the only major pov switch in the novel so far. The usage of your… is a dream sequence, so it’s meant to be disjoint. You’ll see thrillers do this often. I didn’t use comic books as my inspiration, rather actual novels.

                        Edit: I got this amazing thriller writer to read my first chapter, and she loves it, but it is very unconventional so I totally understand why you think the way you do. Again, keep in mind, I don’t write like this the entire novel.

                        eudine

                        You can write fancy and good, but also keep in mind which words you’re using. My advice is to learn which words are more commonly used and which words are less commonly used so that it doesn’t hinder what you want to convey. It’s all about dynamics. If you have a difficult, descriptive sentence, switch it up.

                        Edit: also, I love how you reviewed my novel with a 2.8/5. Ouch. I’ll be nicer in my review tho.

                          eudine also, I’m going to continue reading your novel, I’m only going to review it once it’s done. If you want, you can continue readin. Mine.

                          AuHNG Thank you for the advise, I’ll keep that in mind! Also, my bad for the review, you can delete it if you wish; I’ll continue reading your novel later on during the day when I have more free time.

                            eudine I don't delete bad reviews. Bad reviews are part of the experience.

                            Novel Ask