- Edited
not an expert or a good reader. but what i would recommend is to make things more clear less wordy i guess and make them more cleaner. there is no spelling mistakes which is good, but the sentences sometimes just confuse me or don't make sense for me.
the first chapters are the most important in my opinion. so you should try to make them better. if a person reads till 10 chapter hes already invested into the story and is going to overlook some things and be more patient.
i get that your trying to reveal the time travel and other thing in the future chaps and that thing seems to be interesting, but the first chaps didn't grab. they confused me, but i would say im not a really regular reader and if a thing doesn't grab me in the 1-3 chaps i go. it did grab me with the medicine thing and the mask thing and the business things seemed interesting, but the wording confused me and ruined it for me.
and definetly going to try to read it again when the wording gets better.
so i dont know. do whatever and have fun.
wishing luck from Fat Hiter.