Webnovel.Forum

Hormin_Mangfi If you ever read it, tell me what you thought of it. I'm pretty curious, depending on your background and culture, about how it felt.
Wishing you the best of day ! night ? :D

I do enjoy a little poesy in the descriptions, mainly. Emotions as well.
I have a book published in french, but write in english for my own enjoyment. If you don't shy away from romance novels, you might enjoy my prose :D You can check out my writings directly from my profile if you're interested.

There was, also, a fanfiction I really enjoyed because I didn't knew anything of the world, and it didn't matter because it was well written:
https://www.webnovel.com/book/insomnia's-embrace_16110468106028405

I've found some incredible authors on other websites as well, but don't quite know if I'm allowed to point it out here :)

I did write historical... until the historians found out that the Artorius Castus they found in Sarmatia wasn't the one they were looking for :D
So, instead, I used a movie to write a historical fanfiction, choosing Tristan and Isolde as characters. You will find that the main plot is different from the real history (Saxons didn't invade from the north, for example). But the feeling should take you straight to the 5th century.

If you're open to romance, I can offer my Tristan and Isolde.
Male character is a tad rough on the edges, but protects his brothers in arms. And his woman.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/tristan-and-isolde_18696695205627305

You might be in for a cultural clash, thought, depending on where you come from. This is the end of the Roman era, with a few barbarians thrown in the mix, on a Brittonic Island.
If you ever read it, don't hesitate to comment. I love to know how readers think when they read my books.
Cheers to you, and happy reading !

If you're open to romance (which you seem to be), I can offer my Tristan and Isolde. Straight into the past, the world doesn't have to be built because it exists :) So you can be sure to find no system, no falling into the past, no I'm in a videogame. Get ready to spend a few days in the 5th century.
Male character is a tad rough on the edges, but protects his brothers in arms. And his woman.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/tristan-and-isolde_18696695205627305

You might be in for a cultural clash, thought, depending on where you come from. This is the end of the Roman era, with a few barbarians thrown in the mix, on a Brittonic Island.
If you ever read it, don't hesitate to comment. I love to know how readers think when they read my books.
Cheers to you, and happy reading !

@WordsmithVenerable Hey ! Haven't forgotten me I hope ? :D

@NotBeatrix I'm done !

Shubhangi_Kene I was just joking :) But this set aside, it all depends on how you treat the subject, and manage to write it. You can use humour or drama, as long as your writing is good, it can work. Good luck and all the best !

NotBeatrix Hey there ! I'm now ready to move on to your piece. I'll drop a review by the end of the (french) day :)
Here's mine again, just in case: https://www.webnovel.com/book/tristan-and-isolde_18696695205627305

WordsmithVenerable All right wordsmith ! I'm done. I've left plenty of comments in the first third to give you pointers and tips on how the reader reacts to your book. Overall, a great idea.

Hey, I'm not done with https://www.webnovel.com/book/the-tale-of-the-strongest_20628558305142805/angels-and-demons_55375686130525718 yet.
Please wait until I am ready for anything else :) I don't want to leave anyone behind.

WordsmithVenerable All right, let's do this.

Well, I just finished writing a chapter and am in the mood for a review swap. I write romance, and think that Tristan and Isolde might need a little loving.
https://www.webnovel.com/book/tristan-and-isolde_18696695205627305

I'll take just one review at first; I don't want to make promises I can't keep. First that responds to me, first served :) Cheers

Well, that was weird :)
What kind of fandom are we talking about ? I've never read those. Is that a trend ?

I might not be supposed to say so here, but if you enjoy fanfictions, there is a full website dedicaced to them with quite a few talented writers.

I hope you find what you're looking for. There's nothing like a good story to put you in a good mood !

Shubhangi_Kene In short... that poor guy is going to have to wait 5 freaking years without sex. Do you really want to do that to your favourite character ? And have him go through puberty again ? Poor man.
:D

GWEN Thanks ! I've been absent for soo long, I had almost forgotten this thread existed :D

Yoan_Roturier No worries !
So where does the pseudo come from ? Are you french ? I've not known a lot of people with sufficient self deprecative skills to call themselves Roturier :D

Yoan_Roturier Thanks. I guess she's busy because she didn't return yet to this post, but I'm glad I'm not forgotten, especially since I really take time for reviews.

Cheers !
PS: I'm a she :D

Shreya2711 If I may. I don't have time for a honest review now on your work, but there's something I might help you with.
There is such a large material to read, now, compared to what we used to have before... except if you spent time in a library, of course.

To me, what makes the difference is usually the first sentence. I read it, up to the first paragraph, and I know if I'm going to enjoy a story. Why ?
It all comes down to the writing. A fantastic plot, badly written, can be as flat as a plain. The right words, with emotion, immersion and so on, and you got me hooked. Even if nothing is happening.
Think of contemplatives novels, for example, where action is set in the background but you feel like you are living those moments with the heroes.

So it all comes down to the first words.
Sometimes I'm wrong, and I miss out something that might improve later.
Sometimes I get disappointed, because the writing is great, but the plot is horrible.

Most of the time though, I enjoy my picks.

@Xia_Xia89 Hello. I've read the first 8 chapters of your work, and I think I've piled up enough material to give you proper feedback.
It might sting a little. I know the feeling. But it makes us better.

Chapter 1

The beginning of a novel should be strong, especially the first sentences.
In term of events, you nailed it: A daughter is actually flying transatlantic because something important happened to her father. Something that you do not reveal at once, and I appreciate the suspens.
In term of writing, there are three sentences with the same structure, which distracks our attention from the plot to the writing.
"bla bla", says whomever.
"bla bla", says whomever.
"bla bla", says whomever.

I advise you insert a few sentences in between to set the scene.
"Daughter ! I need your help ! Come home soon"
Shi Lian froze, worried by her father's tone. Never had she hear Mo Zhen Yuan plead her with such intensity. Her heart heart lurched at the idea that something big might have happened.
You insert a little emotion here, then you can continue the dialogue.

The switching of points of view needs to be clearly marked. A change of paragraph, at least. And be careful not to switch twice in a little span. The meeting with the male protagonist gives us a paragraph with info about him, then we get back to her. It is inconsistent for the reader.

When she meets Fu Zi Chen, you give us the info that he is the leading business tycoon in the fashion world. It feels like you are giving us the info that is written down in the synopsis. But we don't need it, right ?
It would be much more powerful if we didn't kow who the guy was... because then, the surprise would be total when she meets him again.

More internalisation
More details: you need hard facts. What alcohol do they drink ? What's its taste ? How many years passed with her abroad ? All those details will make it more 'real'.

More descriptions. You've got a few ones, make them longer, fluffier, insert emotions with those facts.

More emotions: people are acting, and there are scraps of emotions displayed. But we don't feel them, because we are not in your female lead's head. We are outside, and we watch her. Does it make sense ?

Info dumping: that's what we call exposure. Whatever you share needs to have a reason. You can choose to expose it through:
- dialogue: that's what you do when the mother tells her daughter the company is not good a,d her father works too much. That's good.
- Inner monologue: your character thinks about it. There must be a reason for it, a transition for the reader's mind to follow. I posted a commentin your text about the university. Instead of stating the facts, you could include it in your female inner musings.

You need to know that dumping info takes the reader away from the plot. Hence, it needs to be scarce, and important enough for the plot. If not, it feels impersonal.

You need to think in terms of scenes, where everything has an intensity. You're halfway between this, and a synopsis or a scenario in your writing.
You can keep the text and add many details in between to make it lively, and real. Not like you're telling a story, but rather making us live it. Emotions, smells, looks, thoughts.

The plot suffers from some shortcuts (I wrote them as comments in your text): the receptionnist is the same at the night before. The surveillance is handed over without even a fight. Background check on a woman with only a picture if the domain of sercret services. What kind of resources does the man have to be able to do that ? Does he hack into police files ?

If I guess what's coming later, she's going to run into that man again, right ? What are the odds, really ? 1/1 million ? If you want to be a tad realistic, maybe you could at least consider that their first outing was a club for rich asian people, for example. This would increase the chances that your female protagonist runs into that particular male protagonist in another country.

Shortcuts are all right, sometimes, provided they remain few. Many great authors used a deus ex macchina, or scenaristic shortcuts. They just need to be believable, and not too numerous.

There. I hope I didn't rock your world too much.
You've got a good story, I think it could become great.

Cheers !