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  • 【Filipino Novel Challenge Day 4】Anybody who doesn't read RTW?

Hi guys!
Let's welcome the new in Filipino novel Release that witch!
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1sI7bSKh26_-nu7ylKjYM3JYGg-DIm1We
Many Daoists have provided valuable comments and ratings. Thank you for your participation! And congrats to the following users for winning 50 SS! @Webnovel_Patriarch @Palaso @TooLongDidntRead @PrimordialSkyWolf
Give your score and leave your comments below on the translation quality of these chapters following the guide.
The constructive comments will be rewarded 50SS! See you tomorrow!
alernatetext

    4 points for this one. It is a good translation after all but our dear translator should not necessarily translate every sentence word for word. One can just get the gist of the sentence and translate it that way to avoid making it too wordy.

    Thank you again for this oppotunity guys😊

    Seeing that others are really eager on giving their reviews about the release of the Filipino translations of the popular books on Webnovel, I, myself, had been intrigued. Thus, here I am, making this review on the first translated chapter of the novel ‘Release That Which’.

    The first thing that I noticed was the chapter’s title. The word ‘prinsepe’ should be spelled as ‘prinsipe’. Also, I would like to point out that the translation is a bit formal. In the recent years, many novels have been written in an informal manner, imitating how a person normally thinks.

    Anyways, as I am not that good in explaining things, I really hope that you can bear with me. So, here it is:

    1. He turned his head away, but the sounds he had heard did not disappear, instead they became even louder. Then, he felt someone gently tug on his sleeve.
      Instead of: “Lumingon siya palayo, ngunit ang mga tunog na narinig niya ay hindi nawawala, sa halip ay naging mas malakas pa rin ang mga ito. Pagkatapos, nadama niya ang isang tao na dahan-dahang humila sa kanyang manggas.”
      It could be translated as: “Iniwas niya ang ulo niya palayo. Pero imbis na mawala ay mas lalo pang lumakas ang mga naririnig niyang ingay. Sumunod no’n, naramdaman niyang may marahang humihila sa kanyang manggas.”

    2. Your Highness, my Royal Prince!;
      “Kamahalan, aking prinsepe!”
      Yet again, the word ‘prinsepe’ should be spelled out as ‘prinsipe’.

    3. The chair he sat on …
      Instead of: “Ang kanyang kinakauupuan silya…”
      It could be translated as: “Ang silyang inuupuan niya…” or "Ang silyang kinauupuan niya..."

    4. Where on Earth is this? Wasn’t I working urgently on my blueprints? Cheng Yan’s mind was vacant, perhaps caused by three consecutive days of working overtime that had pushed him to the limit mentally and physically.
      Instead of: “Saan sa lupalop ng mundo ito? Hindi ba’t pinipilit ko lang tapusin yung mga blueprints ko?” Bakante ang isipan ni Cheng Yan, marahil ng dahil sa pagtratrabaho ng tatlong sunod-sunod na araw, na nagtulak sa kanyang pisikal at mental na limitasyon.
      It could be translated as: “Saang lupalop ng mundo ito? Hindi ba’t pinipilit ko lang tapusin ang mga blueprints ko?” Blanko ang isipan ni Cheng Yan, ito ay marahil sanhi ng tatlong araw na walang pahingang pagtatrabaho niya na nagtulak sa kanyang mental at pisikal na limitasyon.

    So, that’s all for now. Hope you find this 4 remarks helpful. If there are other things that I can help you with, I would be willing to help if it’s within my capabilities. =)

    I will rate this translation 3.75!

      I'll update my rating to 3.75
      I realized how kind i am on the ratings despite all the mistakes.

      I know some other people would talk about grammar, sentence structure, using contractions, being too formal, word for word translation, and other stuff. So i'll just do other things. I'm also not good at explaining anyway..
      I'm sure all of you have noticed this.. but any Filipino could solve those problems. Even someone that doesnt know much about grammar. Its obvious that this is prolly machine translated and prolly edited by a non-Filipino. Hence, it might be useless to talk about Filipino grammar cause they might not understand without giving some examples on it..

      But seriously though, this really needs a Filipino editor.. There are some mistakes like wrong use of ng and nang. Some sentences are quite hard for my eyes too..

      Being the hardworker that i am, let me just manually point out the mistakes i saw.. this is all i could do to help..

      1. Prinsepe should be prinsipe
        Prolly just a typo though.. cause some were correct.

      2. 'Lumingon siya palayo, ngunit ang mga tunog na narinig niya ay hindi nawawala, sa halip ay naging mas malakas pa rin ang mga ito. Pagkatapos, nadama niya ang isang tao na dahan-dahang humila sa kanyang manggas.'
        Might be better if...
        -- 'Lumingon siya palayo, subalit hindi nawawala ang ingay na naririnig niya, sa halip ay lumalakas pa ito. Pagkatapos, nadama niyang mayroong humihila sa kanyang manggas nang marahan.'
        I feel like the sentence is better delivered this way..

      3. 'Cheng yan opened his eyes immediately. He did not see any of the things he had grown familiar with.' was translated to..
        'Agad-agad iminulat ni Cheng Yan ang kanyang mga mata. Hindi niya nakita ang mga pamilyar na bagay na nasa paligid niya'
        It could be..
        --'Iminulat agad ni Cheng Yan ang kanyang mga mata. Hindi niya nakita ang anumang pamilyar na bagay na nakasanayan niya'

      4. 'They were replaced by a strange scene' was translate to..
        'Napalitan ito ng kakaibang eksena'
        Well.. even in english, 'scene' have different meanings, it could be a film, shooting.. or it could be a view or scenery. Eksena means the former..
        So the right translation of 'scene' in this one is tanawin or kapaligiran..

      5. Words like brick, public square, platform, medieval ladies wasnt translated. Well, those are English that wouldnt need to be translated but brick could be laryo..
        Not much would know that word though.

      6. 'Ang kanyang kinauupuan' could be shorten to 'Ang kanyang inuupuan'
        'katulad ng..' could be 'tulad ng..'
        'Ang kanyang katangunan' could be 'Ang kanyang tanong'
        Its too formal... but on second thought, it might be alright that way at times too. This is a medieval fantasy after all. So formal narration might be fine.. Only in narration though, but when it comes to mc thoughts it shouldnt be formal..

      7. Cheng Yan's mind was vacant' was translated to.. 'Bakante ang isipan ni Cheng Yan'
        I know that having a vacant mind would mean empty mind but i dont think it would work well in Filipino, perhaps.. 'Blangko ang isipan ni Cheng Yan' is better..
        'Working urgently..' was translated to..
        'pinipilit ko lang tapusin..' i suppose i'm a bit of a perfectionist.. but it could be.. 'madalian ko lang tinatapos..'

      8. marahil 'ng' dahil.. should be 'nang'

      9. Palpitate could be translated to.. tumibok nang mabilis.

      10. Witch was sometimes not translated and sometimes translated to mangkukulam. Honestly, this is one of the words that doesnt need translating. Keep it as 'witch'.
        'Impurity' wa translated to karumihan..
        No need to translate impurity either. At least in my opinion..

      11. 'Instrument of death' to 'instrument' ng kamatayan. Could've translated to instrumento..

      Overall there are some words that wasnt translated properly or perhaps not translated at all.. And there are also some words that dont need to be translated to Filipino.. like age for example.
      There are a few wrong use of 'ng' too

      1. Seriously you need to shorten out some words..
        For example 'ano ang dapat kong gawin'
        'ano ang' could be shorten to 'anong'

      Edit:
      13. . Dont translate the words and sentences but instead, translate the feelings behind it.. and a machine translator cant do that..
      Just hire a Filipino translator/editor.

      I suppose many want to use taglish.. I agree, but only on mc's thoughts though.. The other guys would talk formally since this is a medieval fantasy novel..
      However, you shouldnt use too deep Filipino words, keep it simple or keep it in english if you must! Some words arent meant to be translated

      I think i'll end it with this..
      Its prolly enough for 50 SS! 😅

        WriterWen in your #1, i prefer their translation on the first parts. It's much closer to the meaning. Sound should be tunog not ingay, as ingay is noise. Lumingon is correct to turned away. Iniwas is dodge. For the last sentence, theirs or yours could be used. Although marahan is more correct to gently as dahan-dahan is slowly. These are only my thoughts though.

            WriterWen Wow, im quite impressed! But the way you do it sound too old school, i like how you translate it but your going to let your readers bored. So in my opinion you should do it taglish because your targeting younger viewers. Take for example wattpad the author there are using taglish thats what teens want in my opinion and sorry im not as good as you when doing my grammar and my , and my . Because i don't know how to use them properly

                I think being formal in their conversation is ok because the setting is in medieval times. But i guess when it comes to the MC's thoughts, the translator should use less formal words/sentence construction as he is from, well, the future. Use taglish if you must.
                Don't translate word for word. It is too wordy.
                Some words aren't translated correctly, like anxious. Ii i remembered it correctly, it is translated as nababalikad but it should be nababalisa
                I'll give it 4

                  Ichigo015 true.. Filipino readers find it enjoyable to read novels in tagalog-English format since most readers knows how to read english and it's kind of boring to read a pure Filipino books, it's like reading "texto" in elementary or high school days😊😊😊 I want to sleep just by thinking about it😂😂

                      I like how this sounds formal, especially the conversation. But since the mc is a modern guy, it should not be that formal or later he will adapt the formal tone.

                      Im still suggesting to find Filipino editor. Just ask the people above who would like to help.

                      WEBNOVEL_OFFICIAL this is quite good,, I give this 4... And I might as well advice you to be careful in your usage of past, present and future sentences in "tagalog" .. I find some words not suitable enough and the translation of some words are kind of out of the true meaning in it's true translation,. One more thing, do correct the uses of "g" , "ng" and "nang" thing I find some words to be wrong... 😊 And one last advice pick one format to use in your translation, it's either pure Filipino or a Filipino-English, I saw some words that are still in english form, so I think you should use the Filipino-English format also known as "taglish" here (in my opinion it's fun that way) . The Mc thought should be translated in some areas as "taglish" since he's from the "future" which a place that can learn lots of languages 😂.. And the natives should be in pure and deep Filipino translation since as far as I know RTW natives are using one language only? ¿ So that's it for my opinion.. 😊😊

                          I'll rate it 3.75. The translation is good and only some revisions should be made or worked upon. Some words are really hard to translate in Tagalog and that's understandable. I guess the word plaza can be used for public square. Also the translation for "I need to end this circus" sounded a bit off. Instead of tigilan better use itigil. Circus on the other hand, I think it is best to use palabas for it since it carries the same message. Lastly, the ending "From now on, i'm Roland" can be translated as "Simula sa araw na ito, ako (na) si Roland"

                            I'm sure this has some serious effort put on it. I'll rate it at 4, seeing it's readable and Filipino readers will automatically filter and correct mistakes. But if improvements were to be made, the use of a Filipino editor will increase the quality of the translation as some words used are rather archaic in usage and has more modern replacements available(imagine reading nincompoop, never thought it was a word). Also some words are surely untranslatable as it has no Filipino equivalent so it will be left out in English, so in my opinion (and also some of the others) using the unofficial Filipino-English format ("taglish" a Filipino editor will understand this) will be more relate-able and enjoyable to Filipino readers as English is the 2nd official language used in the Philippines.

                            PS. archaic Filipino is a headache to younger generation of Filipinos.

                              Come to think of it.. whats the point of reading Filipino if i could read English?? 😅
                              If these novels were translated to Filipino, i'd prolly just read it for a while and then drop it.. Its easier to read in english after all..
                              So my opinions prolly wouldnt matter..
                              You should listen to the other guys here instead and use taglish and non-formal words..
                              But honestly taglish and informal conversation in this type of novel makes me cringe. You should definitely do it on the other novels though. One thing for sure is that you shouldnt use too deep Filipino words.. keep it simple or keep it in english if you must..

                                Ichigo015 Yeah, I think so too. Even I felt bored reading it. So, the translators should think about making it Taglish instead of pure Filipino in order to entice our fellow daoists to read the translated books.

                                Also, don't be too hard on yourself. I, myself, have some difficulties when it comes to the technicalities in grammar. Just put in more effort and I'm sure you'll do great! =)

                                  euroker Now that I've looked at it again, I realized that what you have pointed out are indeed correct. But I will not be editing my post anymore. Still, I thank you for mentioning my mistakes! I deeply appreciate it! =)

                                      khyAprilRose_05 yes, reading pure filipino books is boring. Then when it uses those archaic filipino words it becomes a headache.

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