Hello original authors, I have read lots of books and have some friendly advice:
-World Building! You want to do that, of course, but how? Generally speaking, it's best to NOT have characters go on unnaturally long rants about the world they're in. You can tell the reader nothing about the world, and slowly unravel it as the story progresses. Like, why do we need to know about all that jazz?
-Grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. OP may have come off harshly, but it's the truth that doing that poorly lays a weak foundation for your story. I use paperraterdotcom which is a free essay checking site. ❗Never use the same word twice in a paragraph! (Outside of articles)❗ Google "word you want to use synonym" for alternatives.