I've read only six chapters as of now, and these are what I've observed. There are some parts where you had a problem with the punctuations. Some of the words you choose to use are sometimes not that fitting. And also info dump though I'm not really sure if it really is a flaw or it's just common with system novels. You should also try to avoid really really long dialogues. You can try to separate them and describe the reactions in between. The same with the other wall of texts. If possible, it would be nice to separate them. The novel could also use a bit more of show rather than tell.
Let's Honestly Criticize Each Other
Reinesse I also love the concept of the overseer, but I'll talk more about it in detail after rereading, since it's been a while I read the previous chapters
- Edited
mysterious_being haha, it's okay. I'm really aware of my typos though it's hard for me to find them unless i do it thrice.
mysterious_being sadly, the overseer wasn't that active with fangirling in the latest chapters. she just casually comments when she can. ahe.
mysterious_being
Sure
No problem :)
Lappidappi I've also seen your thread, the reason why i created this one. It would have been rude to ask for a review there since it's not a swap thread on your thread.
and i think i should go and drop my novel here already.
Time Catharsis.
Reinesse
The paragraph length.... This has been pointed out to me by many people so I have tried to shorten the length in the later chapters.
Now that I have completed the first arc, I'll slowly start editing the chapters one by one.
The punctuation marks..... I'll definitely look into that as well since I myself am a bit of a grammar Nazi.
Misfit words.... Hmmm...... You are right about that as well, it's just I don't want to keep repeating the same words over n over again. I'll try to find better alternatives from here on out. :)
Show and tell : that's my weakness. Hai...
Those non-fitting words, it's just actually all about connotation-- whether it's positive or negative and the likes. As for show and tell, it's easy. Just think of it as making your word count higher.
Read mine too y'all
Why I never told you that I love you : Story of a time traveler
mysterious_being hmm allright we'll exchange reviews
Shiksha_Jerath it isn't really important to me to exchange reviews (we can do that anytime though) but I would highly appreciate it if you give my novel a read and criticize me....
I'll start reading your novel in 1-2 days
Shiksha_Jerath and then review it after reading some 5 chapters or so
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/13975655405749205?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4303977620
Title: The Life Of A Time Mage
Sypnopsis: You've heard of us Time Mages. About us manipulating time. It is true, but only to a minor extent. Like Element Mages who control their specific Elements, Time Mages control Time. Those fables about Time travelling is neither wrong nor accurate. We can Time travel, but we can't change the space. That's why it is called Time Frame Hopping.
https://dynamic.webnovel.com/book/13975655405749205?utm_source=writerShare&utm_campaign=4303977620
Title: The Life Of A Time Mage
Sypnopsis: You've heard of us Time Mages. About us manipulating time. It is true, but only to a minor extent. Like Element Mages who control their specific Elements, Time Mages control Time. Those fables about Time travelling is neither wrong nor accurate. We can Time travel, but we can't change the space. That's why it is called Time Frame Hopping.
Reinesse Your story is sprinkled with all that fluff. I love it.
Nothing much to say except that maybe the story should have a bit of a more serious tone if there are going to be mercenaries and killings in it.
The characters also need to be a bit more fleshed out but maybe that's just me because the story is still in its early stages.
Overall, it's a good option for binge reading on a rainy day :)
Shiksha_Jerath It's a rainy day here too. You're from India right?? Where do you live?? I'm from Gujarat. The rains have hit the state since a couple of days due to the cyclone Vayu
Shiksha_Jerath I read the first 2 chapters of your novel, and here is what I have to say,
You write beautifully, I have nothing to complain about the grammar(upto my knowledge) it was good.
I'd agree with reinesse on the long paragraphs and the info dump, since I lost interest after the info dump in chapter 2. You can try to give the information and present scenarios in form of dialogues with some sarcasm and humour to make it interesting, I'd prefer that over long paragraphs.
Other than that, you're great
https://www.webnovel.com/book/13952429306620105/When-Back-in-Time i love it if you guys try to critique mine.
mysterious_being am from Punjab but currently staying in West Bengal
- Edited
Your writing quality is nice but in terms of the novel itself, it can be sort of confusing. Some of the info dump was easy to absorb but as for character dump, I had difficulties with that. As for the story development, I've only read five or six chapters so I can't judge it yet but hopefully, the gist of the novel would show up around the tenth chapter. I'm not good at reviewing so I can just hope that this could help. As for the emotions of the characters, I wasn't able to empathize with them so maybe it would be nice if you can work on that.