Regius_Sanguis
Sure, that's ok. I hope you enjoy it. It's fine even if you lose the urge to review, as I care more about what people think and what they like/dislike, so be sure to leave me comments.

I'll take a look at yours. Seems like a FF15/anime hybrid fanfic?

    kazesenken

    Yup. I made a decision to go against the norm of fan-fiction. Like creating my own MC and putting him in a different world.

    He's going to be OP in future, and be warned. I made the chapter long because I stylized it after western fantasy novrls. So, heads up.

      Content - in my opinion 4-5 stars.

      Text - from 3 stars. Bad English, grammatical errors.

      Pros, thanks to the advice of the reviewer, he began to use the humor thesaurus, it seems the text has come to life a little. Before pouring chapters, double-check once. This is the text.

      In content, new methods, knowing where to look for treasures are interesting.

      I need advice on improving the novel.

      Read chapters 1 through 4. I’m rewriting it now, I began to rewrite chapter 5. It has already taken 7 hours. Still need at least 2 hours.

      If I did not give you a review, then I will write, if I did, I can write 5-6 comments on the chapters.

      my romance - https://www.webnovel.com/book/15195393805364505/The-Adventures-of-Treasure-Hunters

        Regius_Sanguis

        As I said before, don't be rushed to leave a review (you don't actually have to leave one if you don't want to). I would rather you take your time and enjoy the story and let me know your thoughts.

          kazesenken

          I am, and honestly, I'm liking the story so far. Every time I finish a chapter, I leave a comment, so it might take me a while to finish the story and then review. I might have to continue this tomorrow if I don't finish reading it today.

          I added it into my library, just in case :)

            Regius_Sanguis

            Thrilled that you like it enough to binge it. I'm currently staring hopelessly at slides as I work on a presentation that I have to make for work tomorrow.

              The_Canary Thanks! You know, I have never read a paranormal book before, only watched shows on TV!

                Regius_Sanguis reading now, very good material! Lengthy chapters make better books when stories are told right!

                  Regius_Sanguis
                  I did get around to reading the two chapters that you had. I think I would like to see a bit more before I can give a honest opinion of it. Do you expect to update soon?

                  From what I have read so far, I think you have a good setup, but it suffers slightly from wordiness.
                  Especially in the parts where 'nothing is really happening' as you say in your comments, those parts feel like they are being overly drawn out. The question I have to ask is, 'Why should the reader care that he's in this darkness? Why are you spending so much time explaining it, rather than moving the plot along?' If there is purpose or foreshadowing imbedded, then that is valid. If you just feel like being super descriptive, then it's probably not needed.
                  Ask yourself as you write, 'do these details add anything to the story?' If not, then cut them out. Effective story-telling starts with having a clear picture of what you want to focus on. And then forming the proper connections to your environments and characters that you add along the way. Your sudden jump from Hadrian to a classroom of kids was a bit jarring. I had to look back to see if I had somehow missed some reason for the transition, but there didn't seem to be.

                    kazesenken

                    There is actually a reason why I've written that part in the second. It is to show my readers the scene in Kara no Kyoukai that was rarely written.

                    When I warned my readers of how the MC is going to be OP, that was a subtle hint of it. The MC was dropped near the center of Akasha. If you do not know, Akasha (or the Swirl of Root) is an unknown realm where all things were born and end. It's the place that Magi strives to reach, no matter what they have to do, in the Fate series.

                    Think of it as the realm of infinite power in the Fate verse. If you catch even a glimpse, you will obtain something, but also lose something in return. The ones that manage to leave that place gains a sort-of 'god-like' powers. It can even be assumed that the ones that made it out of that place, alive, can no longer be seen as 'humans'.

                    Also, the 'empty' was meant to be taken as a hint and a pun. The Akashic Records was always something deemed as a place of nothingness but also the opposite. It's confusing, I know, but that's how they explained it in the story of the Fate verse. Though, I suppose you can think of as the realm of where everything is there, a giant archive of knowledge, a ginormous database about everything you can think of, exists within that place.

                    And, if you're a normal human and you open a path to that place, you have the 99% chances of you dying. Only 1% chance is that you can leave that place alive.

                    Presently, in canon, there are only two known individuals that reached that realm and leave it safely. These two are Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg and Aoko Aozaki. The Mage Association gave these two people with the title 'Magicians' because they are capable of enacting powers that are beyond modern science and Magecraft.

                    They can enact the power of 'Miracles' that cannot be replicated by normal means like modern science or by normal humans. For example, resurrecting the dead without negative consequences, time-travel, being able to travel into different realms, creating something out of nothing, and etc.

                    I put up an explanation in the second author's note to make sure my readers knows what is going on in the first part of chapter 2. Hopefully, this makes you understand that part better as well.

                    Also, the last part of that chapter is more like a look into how Zelretch, one of the living Magician, is taking the news of his grandchild's birth, and how the Magi of the Clock Tower are reacting to his 'excitement'.

                    Magi are scared of him, you know. They fear and respect him at the same time. It's a scene that fans of the Fate series will immediately understand.

                    To be honest, I only wrote that on a whim and short, but since this was a Fate verse crossover, I wanted to give the fans a sort-of bonus chapter by making it long and descriptive! šŸ™‚šŸ™‚

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