Hey! I recognize that characters name! I wonder what series it was from? :Wink: :wink:

I love how much more active the main character (mc) is! I see the improvement, and its wonderful! Keep that up! (Note, I've only read up to ch1 again; I'm getting lazier and lazier xD)

One thing to note : I was confused by the gender of Dara. It started out as "he", and then when dream time came, you started using "her" to describe Dara? Maybe I missed something. Not too sure.

Additionally, you can probably refer to the Dara in the dream as "dream Dara" or something. Keep it simple, and keep it consistent. That should help readers quickly distinguish between one Dara from another.

Also to note: The switch from going to sleep and suddenly "interacting in the dream" was a bit jarring. It was too sudden and ... How do I describe it... Maybe if I describe a scene:

I was working as a cashier at the register. As I was counting my bills, getting ready to clock out... Oh look, a robbery is in progress across the street! There's gunfire!
Looks down. Continues counting my bills.

It all happened very... Fast? Very little reaction? I can't quite put my words on it, but I hope I was able to describe it sufficiently. The pacing, the flow, and the level of acceptance just became unreal at that point. My immersion was broken momentarily there.

There are still some out-of-place sentences/phrases, like the ohomer laugh or the Tarzan scream, but overall, I like how you did your chapter 1! I didnt focus much on the grammatical aspect, so do forgive me on this! That's all i can recall from your story, as i didn't want to swap between your story and typing this on my phone because that's a pain. Hope this helps too!

    Gourmet_DAO are you okay for me to post it on the book or would you prefer it here?

    I think you have an idea of reviews I tend to give. Either it'll be constructive and considerate 😁

        Nightmare_Taichou Thank you for your help. Of course, I will write my opinion about your book, what I thought about it when I read it, my suggestions, comments, questions. And where can I write my opinion, maybe in this thread if you do not need a review?

            Nightmare_Taichou Thank you for your help. Of course, I will write my opinion about your book, what I thought about it when I read it, my suggestions, comments, questions. And where can I write my opinion, maybe in this thread if you do not need a review?

                Nou This story takes place at different times (several novels). It all began in the Tang era, then the action takes place in the early 10s of the 21st century, after in the 20s of the 21st century.

                The main, initial idea was in a coin, which could arouse in a person his hidden natural instincts, the so-called super power.

                In the second part (Farmer Dara), I wanted the owner of a coin, coins, for some time, it would be better to write in English without grammatical errors))) I could foresee what would happen to him in 10 minutes, 1-2 days. I read in the Torah, in a verse about Noah, that a person is not able to predict what will happen to him in a minute. And here the story is a little fiction. Therefore, the glanced hero for a while can see 70 percent of what might happen to him. After that I used my knowledge in agribusiness (I had been doing it for two years) and sent the main character to the farm.

                The third part (the young years of Indiana Jones - that is, Dara, college years).

                This is effective laziness! Everything must be done in a thrill and not through force, then there will be joy from what is read. Pros can from chapter 1 understand what weaknesses are. I myself am so on the subject, and here I am a noob))

                No, Dara is him, a man and not a woman. Thank you for noting that I will correct the typo.

                I am grateful to you for your help then, I rewrote the chapters, now they are more lively and less documentary. Thesarius is brilliant. It somehow reminds me of gestures and symbols of how people behave in different situations. Now I also began to change it. Thank you for opening my eyes to these new opportunities! Respect!

                Thank you, at the expense of Dna from dreams, I will correct!

                Then the question is how to smoothly move on to this?

                Thank you so much for your help, I will correct it! Respect!

                I am glad to communicate with you and receive new information, it really helps!

                    Veronica8 I would be happy to receive a full and detailed review. Now the rating is not important for me, I'm just trying to improve my letter. But in your words there is concern for the author. Since alas, or fortunately, new reviewers, for some reason rely like on a crutch, on previous reviews.

                    But still, I wanted you to leave your review as a review, then I can quickly find it.

                    I will be waiting for your honest feedback with interest. It seems I will have to rewrite history again. But it may take another 2 weeks)))

                      Gourmet_DAO I like the emotional aspect of it, but the reader is not aware of what to care about. The introduction needs to quickly set the stakes and give the reader massive hints about the world in it.

                      It's not griping because currently when the reader opens the book. There is no danger etc, just what appears to be random panic. And, the first sentence typo really is offputting.

                      Because of the power of the first sentence typo and the lack of world-building right off the bat, I would have stopped reading as a normal reader. But, as I am reviewing I kept going.

                      The whole thing with the cup is a little odd, I get what you attempted but we gotta work on that implementation. <3 And, more importantly, we still have not learned why Dara is so raddled. The start of the novel is where you have to establish the world, hook us in and give the reader an idea of who the current POV is even if they are not the protag.

                      Then you jump into details which I have no context for such as book 01090 something about a city and you tossed into something about 470767.

                      Currently, I am confused and all I know is that the MC is panicked. But, more importantly, I don't have the desire to keep track of all his stuff. From what I read, its earth from now or into the future and elements of a magical realism novel.

                      It's all too much of a burden to keep in my head and I have not been given a reason to care about this MC nor can I connect to him. If I were you, I would consider altering the starting point.

                          Acutelittletrap Thanks for the idea. The only question is how to implement this. If it’s not difficult, could you give an example of how to do this?

                          At the expense of numbers, this is a cipher ... but how can I make the tode reader light up with this cipher and want to know what is hidden behind it, I don’t know? Maybe then, in general, remove the numbers from the text and just send Dara to the archive? Without any secrecy, secret societies, simple, clear.

                          Go straight to the search for treasures rather than desk work in the archives?

                          If it’s not difficult for you, could you give advice on how to do this?

                          Thanks in advance.

                              Acutelittletrap Thank you for the interesting thought. as you said, I re-read the chapter, and clearly saw all those mistakes that you told me. I rewrote it, it has changed almost 90 percent! But this is only the raw materials and the first grinding. It seems to me that the chapter turned out to be more understandable. But still it left the numbers, though only one group.

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