FennecYeou Reviewed. For fairness and speed of getting to everyone on this list, I’m not going to look at more than one novel. So I arbitrarily just read the first book link.

      Fourth Book: Two-Faced Duchess

      Writing, Story, Character, World: All Average
      Update Stability: Above Average

      This is a review up to chapter 6.

      First person narrative is a common choice for new writers, and oftentimes in my findings, a story in first person falls flat when third person would’ve been better. In the case of this one, it can go either way. The strength of the first person narrative in this wasn’t great, but it was neither bad. I do get a clear sense of the speaker’s character with a satisfactory demonstration of her inner thoughts and feelings. This is good, but the MC’s voice is still a little weak (this is different from a MC being a strong female lead aka her personality, but rather the compelling distinction of conveying that personality).

      From chapter one, we see a glimpse into her former life as a setup for her eventual transmigration in chapter two as the duchess. Perhaps this could be considered a more drastic opinion, but I believe the entire first chapter could be cut without loosing anything substantial. Considering that her best friend and past life weren’t really mentioned again in any important way, and her personality is grasped well enough in the following chapters, the first chapter is unnecessary.

      In fact, I’d argue it detracts from the story. For whatever reason, I find the MC more annoying in the first chapter than the next ones. This might be due to her screaming in CAPS which something I never suggest for any writer to do frequently. Caps should be used as an accent for the most dramatic situations and not just used as general shouting.

      Her personality for the rest of the next chapters after the first, my only critique is that her mood and thoughts fluctuate sporadically, almost as if for comedic or dramatic relief rather than a grounded representation of her character and possibly of what a real human person would be like. I believe this is in part due to the weak voice of first person narrative. These two are intrinsically tied. A good first person narrative will often equal a compelling main character. (Addition not on original review. I thought about it a tad more, and another reason could be due to too many exclamations and question marks used in the 1st person narrative.)

      The plot, I have not much to say on this. It’s the basic transmigration plot with a strong female showing who’s boss by whipping everyone around her into shape and assisting the former body’s into glory. This was neither done poorly nor spectacularly. So, it’s average.

      Writing-wise, there is quite a bit of awkward sentence syntax and incorrect tenses. But the grammar doesn’t detract too much from the story for the average reader. Personally for me, it’s a little uncomfortable because of the strange manner of speaking and expression.

      Although I don’t feel like continuing to read this story, that’s my personal taste. On a impartial stance, I believe you’re on the general right track. You only need to continue writing a lot and study English grammar and vocabulary, and your writing is sure to improve with time and effort. Keep at it, and good luck!

        Author Question:

        Thank you for replying again but I still have questions (sorry for asking too much) So the first chapter will start with the pool scene and then have himself a self introduction and issues? And what about his adoptive father that died, where can I include him? Though your reply did gave me some ideas like the pool incident where he froze the pool was one year after his adoptive father died in which where he triggered his "affinity" that made it more and more out of control but he still hasn't realized that he has this powers. Though the closest thing it can get was freezing cold air that can affect the weather but if he has remembered his adoptive father, this power would get really destructive resulting him in freezing catastrophe.

        After his adoptive father died his friend "Ruri" and her parents agreed to make him stay in their house until he has graduate high school or have some money to have an apartment. Though I do want to mention. Is it interesting for readers at the scene of the pool happened because of the memory of his adoptive father or it happened naturally?

        That is all I can ask. I am sorry for asking too much from you but I do appreciate your help, Thank you.

        My Answer:

        That’s all right! I do like to help if I can, but since I offered reviews and not necessarily writing mentorship, this’ll be my last answer so that I can move onto other people’s stories on the forum thread.

        Although I did advise you how to begin your story, that’s only because I saw the start of it falling into some common pitfalls. For finding the best and interesting way to start after you deleted the info dump, dream sequence, and unimportant parts like running to school and going to sleep, it’s really now all up to you. I’m not going to dictate the direction of you story because YOU are the writer.

        All of the information you just gave about his background sounded good to me. At this point now, it’s all about your own creative decisions. Don’t worry too much about if you’re writing the “wrong” or “least interesting” way because then you’ll never get any writing done. You can only improve the more you write. Then, once you’ve gotten most or all of your story done, you can revisit and revise it and ask for opinions then.

        Lastly it would be hard for me to confidently say what to include or not include about MC’s background and exact way of depicting the pool scene because I don’t know the rest of your story and where you’re going with the rest of the story. Those decisions should be yours, and in this way you can improve yourself. So be confident in yourself, keep learning as you write. Over time, the more you write, you’ll see that you’ll get better and better. Good luck!

          (Edited)
          The truth shall set me free!!!
          Title: Male Spy at an All-Girl's School!!Genre: Teen
          Tags: Harem, Romance, Comedy, Spy, Mystery, teen, school, humor, romcom, agent

          Read here!!

            Lilliny You mean the anime right? If so, I have not watch that stuff for a long time, so I can't tell.

                Lilliny yeah, I haven't read the manga either, I apologize if I can't answer your question...

                    Book to View up Next: alivetech

                    Next in Queue:
                    1) Fluffypie
                    2) CCmei
                    3) RowPin
                    4) XeRey
                    5) blairehawthorne
                    6) Zyanide100
                    7) Lilliny
                    8) Mar_Urbano *—I’m a little confused by what you mean by translation as this is for originals, but I’ll see when I get to yours
                    9) Xivo
                    10) Wayward_Scholar
                    11) kazesenken
                    12) MasterThrobbles
                    13) CautiousTitan
                    14) ImMK
                    15) Arkinslize
                    16) Simple_Worries
                    17) Renna_Amaris
                    18) CosmicPrime
                    19) Eternaldaydreamer
                    20) Ashley_Babe
                    21) Tea_Tae

                    There are a couple on this queue list that look a little suspicious to me because they hoping for reviews, plural when it’s just me, posting as if on a promo thread. But I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and included them.

                                                                  Chryiss

                                                                  Thanks for the update list, hope you're resting well and feeling better, Drink lots of lemon&honey! (or whatever comfort drink of your choice)

                                                                    Chryiss Edited, now pretty please 🥰. I was never intending to promote it and was not aware that using bold letters actually does so. 😔
                                                                    So...yeah, sorry about that 🙁

                                                                        Chryiss That's a lot of stories you got there. Want me to temporarily lock this thread/change the title so no one else requests while you work your way through the queue?

                                                                            redmitte2x
                                                                            I deemed it as a self-promo for that reason along with no mention of wanting a review. But since you actually responded and edited your post with self-awareness, I'll put you back on the list.

                                                                            yaoyueyi Funny, I actually thought about asking you that some time back. xD However, I'm only getting 2-3 max requests a day now, and I realized I needed to be able to post the reviews and author questions lol! I'm slow anyway due to not feeling well, and I imagine I'll eventually hit a story I don't feel like reviewing haha... Of course, if it gets out of hand, that's another ball game.

                                                                                  https://www.webnovel.com/book/14376214406229405/The-Soldier-Turned-Hero

                                                                                  Synopsis
                                                                                  Colonel Shepherd was in the midst of a mission where He was covering the retreat of his comrades. That's when he was hit by a stray bullet and died or He should have but he awakened in another world and the first sentence that he heard was "All Hail The Hero!!"
                                                                                  This is the story of how a Soldier Turned into the Legendary Hero!

                                                                                    Web Novel Novel Ask