Hiya [unknown]
Let’s start with the cover. Putting aside my feelings on the cover itself your colour choice and placement for the title Unknowingly Lost is only okay. The biggest issue is the word Lost stands out way more than Unknowingly due to the colouring of the mountains. It’s not the biggest deal up close but when people are scrolling through stories, they may not register the full title (and your title is very intriguing).
I actually don’t mind the cover, it’s very mysterious and the mist in the dark forest shows us this is a tale of intrigue which I’m sure that’s what you’re going for. However from the few chapters I read, it doesn’t sound like the forest is really involved here.
You could probably consider a different cover soon that is more related to your story. Have you seen the artsy Twilight book covers (yeah I’m sorry I’m bringing up Twilight but it’s the first one I could think of lol) that sort of simple black, white with a splash of bold colour type of cover art choice might suit your story quite well plus it’ll make people’s eyes naturally be drawn to it when compared with the brightly coloured covers of other stories.
The first chapter I can tell your basic writing is okay however for some reason your dialogue is a bit weird. I have no idea why but when it comes to your dialogue, the grammar and sentence structure is strange and doesn’t flow well, very different to your descriptive writing. The banter in itself is eh but that sort of thing only can be improved with time and practice so it’s not a big deal and it’s still passable, however as said before, grammar and sentence structure have made it difficult to enjoy.
e.g. Sara falls forward, roommate asks “What are you doing?” and Harith quips “Honestly, she thinks she’s a door perhaps? You failed miserably if you planned to be a ninja Sara!”
I would have rearranged that quip to something like “Maybe she thinks she’s a door?” Harith chuckles and shakes her head in exaggerated disappointment, “Honestly, the council of ninjas will never accept you at this rate.”
In your second chapter dialogue is also your weakest part of the story. You should know you can break up dialogue (like what I’ve just done above), using brackets to put in actions in the middle of the dialogue is a big no-no. Not for any grammatical reason. But it’s just kinda ugly (sorry).
Now finally the synopsis. It’s messy. I’m not gonna lie, you need to change that. Your story is good okay. It is good. The description, the actions, and the way plot is moving is all written well with only the dialogue dragging it down. Anyway, your story is good and should definitely have more viewers but this summary is all over the place. The only thing I personally liked from the summary is that last line- it’s f*cking great.
Here’s a possible suggestion for your synopsis- again I’ve only read a small part of your work so take this as an outline, not as something to copy and paste. If you don’t like it, then don’t use it but try look at other summaries of popular original stories and get an idea of how they do it okay?
There is an unknown world out there. A strange, magical, dangerous world filled with those that can grant wishes and those that drink blood.
And Sara is about to stumble into it.
After the death of her ex-flat mate, the institution Sara works at is not the only thing that is exposing it’s true face to her.
The web is slowly being weaved. Entangled in revenge, caught in the institution’s lie, will she struggle and be consumed or will she find a way out?
In between this world and the unknown world, in between her conscious and her subconscious, she is unknowingly lost.
Cheers, hope I helped :D