LittleBlueLake

Ohhh thank you so much for the advice! I think I just took a lot of terminology for granted, and I'll probably add disclaimers or like quick glossaries at the bottom of the chapter to clarify! I was going to like slowly explain the voice later on (like sorta of leave it hanging to not give it away all at once, but I honestly never considered pacts with demons lolol).

For the synopsis, only the first half was intended to be a synopsis kek. The bottom part after the divider was more of an excerpt, but I'll probably mark it off as an excerpt just to clarify.

Thank you so much for the feedback!!!

    Nekonigiri001 Haha no problem ;D
    Yeah cover is important. I'm sure everyone has dismissed a story due to an ugly cover or a super plain cover before (eg those ones that just have the title on something that is meant to resemble a book cover like ugh). It's literally the first thing people see apart from the title itself. Honestly your cover isn't an urgent issue, as I said before, it's not bad, people can tell it's a mystery book from it etc. Take your time to pick out a good cover that you won't change for a while. Lol if the forest part comes later it's still better to pick a cover either more relevant to the events in the nearer future or something symbolic like a lamp/bloody rose/I dunno hahaha

    No probs, good luck on your stuff!

    Tangerqueen Haha no problem. In my story if I have any terms people may not get I started doing it like this:

    Blah blah blah dogblood* blah blah blah (end of paragraph)

    *meaning very dramatic, think daytime soap opera dramatic

    That way readers don't have to scroll down to understand the term before scrolling back up to find their place in the story again :D

    Lol I totes get what you're saying about keeping the readers hanging about the ghost voice ah. I just thought it was strange that it seems like it was doing such an energy consuming deed like time travel for free and then gave a rather ominous 'I'll see you on this very day' that's sort of typical of demons who are waiting to take their victim's souls after finishing their pact hhahaha.

    Yeah, probably mark it off if you wanna keep that in, though it does feel like a rehash of the actual synopsis in a different format. You can try make the synopsis less detailed or vague (less is more after all) and let the exerpt fill some of the blanks in the readers mind. Just a suggestion :D

    Good luck~

      Assiddeeq Okay, so to be frank, the biggest problems are the writing. I've only read one chapter and I have to say, it's not the best and there's definitely a few pet peeves in there for me.

      One, and this is basic, grammar problems. Mainly it's capitalization where I see words that shouldn't have a capital letter have one. There's also spelling errors (like 'Uriel shit him down' lol :D). However I saw that english isn't your first language so it's understandable there are some mistakes, I strongly recommend getting a proofreader or a grammar app like Grammarly if you're having trouble.

      Two, the brackets (these ones). Don't use them to explain things. You can explain without the brackets and I'm really not sure why you've done it this way it's a bit strange to me. There was even a paragraph describing Michael's weapon where you randomly put brackets in the middle of one of the sentences for no reason. No offense but it's unnecessary, ugly and readers will be put off by it.

      For the synopsis, it's actually alright. Short, simple, sweet. However it has grammatical errors and sentence structure problems. Proofreader or use an app to try improve this as said before.

      For tagging take away the tag #soul since that's not going to be a popular tag maybe replace with #magic or somethinf. #Angels and demons can be two separate tags #Angels #Demons

      Your cover is actually not bad but the font and title colors should be changed. I saw you plan to change the cover anyway so I won't say much there but your username should always be much smaller than your title and the title needs to stand out more on the cover. I would change the title to a light blue and put it on the bottom of the cover where it is darkest for color contrast.

      Hope that helps a little.

        LittleBlueLake

        Ahahah idk I just thought having parentheses would interrupt the flow that I was trying to go for rip ;-;

        And omi now that I see the demon and the pact, I can't unsee it LOL

        I'll definitely try to patch up the synopsis a bit and try to make it clearer and less redundant!

        Tysm once again for all your help!!!

          LittleBlueLake historical war stuff

          Well, that automatically discounts my story, lol. Although, it's more historical than war with the element of BL. It's soppy stuff.

          Hope you're able to unearth some gems. Cheers.

            Tangerqueen Haha well I meant using the asterisk part and then have the explanation of the asterisk under the paragraph. That way the flow of the sentence isn't ruined and readers don't have to scroll down and disrupt their reading. The parenthesis /brackets were just to show that the imaginary paragraph ends ;P Anyway its just a suggestion.

            Hahahaha yes my plan to brainwash you is a success muahahaha lol

            No problem and good luck!

              Mel_Aniv Oh okay... did you also delete your previous comment with the link? I can't find it in the thread.

                Veronica8 Lol thanks hahaha sorry yeah, other than the BL part the others are a big turn off for me. History and war is like... ehhh I cannot. :P

                Gnaipafe Hi, so first off, when I opened the link and saw your cover I was immediately like no, I do not want to read this. It's a bit harsh but there is a lot of no-nos in this cover. For one. It's blurry. Huge problem, it tells us as readers that you couldn't spend a few extra minutes for this basic improvement and subconsciously makes us feel like you didn't put much effort in your story either.

                The cover looks a bit like those really old erotica books you see in libraries worn down by time and dust etc. I'm not sure if it's intentional but I encourage you to try a different theme if it is. Take a look at similar, more popular story covers and try to emulate that- maybe not exactly like them but definitely you want something more stylised and in higher definition. Putting real people photos is also quite an iffy choice that is more of a miss than a hit to people- unless you're on wattpad which uses them all the time but this is webnovel which favours more anime-type or natural designs. I would suggest something night-themed since this is a story about dreams and romance, the first dream is set in a forest so maybe a beautiful fantasy forest with the full moon, mist etc with the sihoullete of the ML or something, I dunno. I don't have a good feel for the story so I can't give any concrete suggestions other than change the cover.

                (Also add your pen name somewhere there, in small font)

                Next is the first chapter. I can see immediate problems in writing quality and sentence structure. I suggest getting a proofreader or an app like Grammarly, which will help you improve immensely (though don't completely rely on it as it's not always 100% accurate.

                There are also words that don't match the sentence such as the first sentence 'that forest ground seems so cryptic'. Cryptic does mean mysterious but mainly it's more along the lines of obscure/puzzling and is used to describe a confusing vague sentence or puzzle clue and doesn't belong in the sentence at all. I believe you probably had a better but simpler word and you wanted to improve it by finding synonoms in a thesaurus or something to replace it. However if you are not familiar with the English language, then less is more. Simple is best. Even if you are familiar with English, these rules still apply. Sure some fancy words are nice but too many can come off a bit pretentious plus there's a higher chance of mistakes.

                Finally synopsis. Again, there's a lot of grammar and sentence structure problems. The flow of the summary is clunky and there are too many questions in the summary given how short it is. Follow the rule of threes and put three questions at most. It's not much but here's an example of what your synopsis could look like:

                Thea has never had a boyfriend but lately she's started falling love in love with the man of her dreams. Literally.
                However, it seems her dreams aren't just simple dreams and the imaginary love of her life is not so imaginary after all. Without the sweetness of fantasy, could the feelings they share still be the same? More importantly, is he really the man of her dreams or is it all a cruel coincidence?

                  Hello outpost76

                  Now, don't be offended but I'm sure you know your cover.............. it sucks. It's the most basic of webnovel covers and I'm just like whyyyyy.

                  Darling, I read the first chapter of your story and it's pretty damn good. I can tell it has solid narrative and world building, plus the imagery and descriptions are good. The only flaw is that ya gotta split your sentences. Some are really long. Same with some of your bigger paragraphs. But other than that it's good.

                  So you have to believe me when I say that your cover and synopsis are seriously dragging you down. You are doing yourself no favours with that awful plain cover like damn. The cover is the face of your story. It tells us how much you value your story and how much effort you've put into it while also giving us a vague idea of the theme or tone of the story itself. Take a look at cultivation based popular original stories -both male and female lead- and get an idea of what you want.

                  My suggestion is to draw people in with your succubus character or use your formation seals as part of the design of the cover.

                  https://picrew.me/search?s=2&page=1

                  This is a link which has a bunch of cool character design stuff which you can use and more importantly you won't feel the guilt of stealing someone's artwork since it's made for public use. I've also used this for my own cover before adding my own edits (changing background, photoshopping symbols in etc). It's easy and will make your cover a bit more unique.

                  For synopsis, it's okay albeit a bit plain and boring. I would take out the last line 'Where... She's given a vague location' or add another line like 'Who he is... the man who gave her freedom.' to fulfill the rule of threes. Two lines like this doesn't look attractive, you either do one line or three lines. I dunno it's just psychology.

                  Another alternative is to give a fun lighthearted synopsis to draw in readers. There's quite a few Chinese novels that do this- it's why I like em so much lol. Here's an example:

                  Locked up in a monster containment area waiting to be sold to eccentric, rich nobility, the succubus is visited by a mysterious man who gives her a chance to escape her imprisonment.
                  In exchange she has to retrieve something for the man.
                  Succubus: 'What is it?'

                  Mysterious man: 'Not telling.'
                  Succubus: '..Okay, where is it?'
                  Mysterious man: 'Eh, somewhere here or there.'
                  Succubus: '............' Can she back out now?

                  Littlepunnie

                  Cover is pretty good. The picture choice is very nice.

                  I recommend for the title font to be a dark blood red color that will give a subtle sense of vengeance that should connect with the story plus it'll make the cover pop out better with the bright contrast. Your pen name should be smaller and written in either black or a lighter/darker red to your title. I would suggest changing the placement of it too, maybe underneath the title or in the corner of the cover somewhere. Not all titles have to be in the middle, maybe move it more to the right side slightly? It's best to make your title avoid any messy areas ( like the bandaged hands and bracelet) that can detract focus unless the title font is thick/in bold.
                  Font choices are okay but maybe experiment to see if there's a better alternative to CONSORT's font as it's a bit casual compared to the more elegant previous fonts.

                  Synopsis has some flaws but nothing big. You should be a bit vaguer on information, for example you don't need to say the child is 5 years old etc, it's better to leave those details for the actually story. This way the synopsis will flow a bit better and the reader understands the premise faster. Here is a possible idea of how you could alter it:

                  It was the Year 1858. Heidi Magrita shivered against the cold, harsh wind. Around her feet is nothing but gore and death. Her eyes were blank and her heart numb. Bending her aching knees she looks down, unwillling to look away from the ugly sight of her dead child's hollowed, bleeding eye sockets. Her eyes were as flooded with tears as the earth was flooded with blood.
                  Lord Lucas De Lixure, the Lord of La Sacrita and her husband walked towards her.
                  "Would you like to join them?"
                  Heidi closed her eyes.
                  'I will remember this darling'
                  A loud ripping of flesh was heard. Blood was splashed. The sky started to cry.

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