prajnya_shriyan

I read till Chapter 12.

There are no problems with the storyline, I just hope there are more regarding to the MC's actions instead of simple words like:

I ran. --> I stormed to the staff room.
I went in. --> I went in, after knocking the door twice and waiting for a respond.
I was so so angry. --> I was furious at Emma. How could she do this to me?!
I wanted to change the group badly. --> I've had enough! I don't want to be in this group!!!

And interactions such as their expression, the way they talk, etc:
"Sister, may I come in?"
"Yes"
"Sister, I can't blah blah blah..."
"Well, blah blah blah..."
"Ok sister"

Well, I thought she's angry? Which part of it sounds like she's angry? And why is Sister Margaret like a robot just those lines and bam, yes, there, she's convinced.

      LuciferVermillion No, just chapter 2. Can you review it? I will also do the same for your book. I want an honest review, and I can see that you give honest reviews. If you decide to give it a review, here's the title 'A Match Made in Hell: When a Devil and a Desperate Woman Collide'

          Stardreamer12

          Here's your review.

          1. Ahhh, the deep desire to dominate and possess the woman. Such twisted love.
          2. The twisted woman, desiring a child.
          3. The twisted man, desiring love and family.

          I sounded like a freak, but that's okay. It means I approved your work that much.

          However, it's a typical story, if you ask me. I had seen too much of this type of situation.

          So, here's the question you should ask yourself. What can you do to make it more interesting?

          I have a few suggestions here:

          1. Liezel wants to have a child. But is age really the only factor that she wants a child? Why does she wants a child for? Because she desires her own family? This means she have been living in a corrupted family without love, right? Then you could write the process of her growing to be the strong woman as she it now, it serves as a good encouragement.

          2. Why is Light so possessive about Liezel? He's a rich boy, yet no woman could satisfy him but her. So what was the fact that Liezel is the special one to him? Is it because he wasn't loved enough and suffered loneliness? Is it because he knew she didn't want him for money? Or maybe all he want is just to impress his parents? You could write the pain and loneliness he went through.

          3. Or maybe think out of a box a little, a play something different. Like, showing how twisted their love is towards each other. Maybe Liezel would get rid of every woman that went near him, or, Light would always keep Liezel within line of sight, 24/7.

          In the end, it's just a suggestion. I'm not a fan of such twisted love, haha.

          P.S.
          There's not much I could give because there's only 5 chapters, or make that four. It's your first time writing, right? I don't see any problems with your grammars, sentences and storyline so meh, good job.

              LuciferVermillion
              Howdy!
              Can I borrow some of your time for a review swap perhaps? I believe mine will be well-spent with your work.
              Mine is a age-restricted novel because the foundations of the story are quite the sturdy material to hammer. I believe there is no overly explicit scenes nor whatsoever romance to find so far.
              Still, I hope there'll be enough to catch your attention.
              You can find it here!
              Have a nice day.

                  LuciferVermillion thank you, english is not my language and maybe this is why it is hard to read this. I read few chapters of your story (I will continue soon) and your style is hard for me 😅 You will get review but I need some time.

                      LuciferVermillion I want to fix grammar issues but I don't want to change my style.... Friends promised me to help but it ended on promises sadly and I'm trying to do this alone 😰 But thank you very much for being honest

                        LuciferVermillion
                        Thanks a lot. I really like this. I'm a new writer so I'm not that experienced. But the difference is obvious, I could picture the scene clearly. I will make sure to be more descriptive in my future chapters. And make amends to the previous chapters.

                            Stardreamer12

                            Uh, no. I wondered why people keeps misunderstood that it's a harem/incest. Despite how many female characters there are, but those also goes with the male characters too. Instead of harem, it's more like multiple couples.

                                Mayline_Carraro

                                I read tilll Chapter 19.

                                Here's your review:

                                1. Oh la la. Well done. Truly a well done.

                                However, I find the storyline to be a little... classic? There goes a prince. A mysterious sword. An evil dragon. The death of friends in order to grow.

                                But that's ok, fantasy novels usually goes like this.

                                Still, there's a reason why I won't be giving rated reviews.

                                Because I don't like classic old fantasy anymore. To me, swords, magic and something evil is already a relic of the past. That's why my work goes more to... something much closer to reality. I don't need any big boss with mysterious power.

                                Anyways, truly splendid. And I'm envious you had an editor. Btw, are those pictures you put at almost every chapter meant for imagination?

                                Oh well, here's my work: The Impossible Fate That Leads To A God Of A New World

                                And I suggest maybe you could start from Chapter 3.

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