tooTired nothing is an overkill, I wrote just the main things I see and most of us might see. This is something I wanted to talk about in a very long time because I got sick of seeing Diamonds getting destroyed into tiny worthless fragment due to common mistakes.

An example I can talk about is the system. It is a great idea and something I love but why does every single author repeat the same mistake? Numbers that don't make a difference 1 chapter later, Skills that are never used, copying a game skill and not using it in a way that it is supposed to be used.

Points to think about before writing a system novel:

  • Instead of using numbers for attributes why not use letters? (Not everyone is good at math)
  • Classes are the most important thing in games and systems.
  • Never create a thousand skills and throw them, focus on one and evolve it
  • Reputation plays a big part in any system, create a page for it
  • Always simplify your Character status and do not make it 2 pages long
  • Every attribute is important, think before you upgrade your character
  • A level number is indeed important but how about changing it to [Normal 1, Rare 1, Epic 1... God 1...etc]

Example Character Status

Name: Eden
Level: Unique 5
Class: Troll
Body Skill: Epic 5 [Troll Regeneration XI]
Attack Skill: Rare 2 [Troll Combat IV]
Soul Skill: God 4 [Troll Fear X]

The idea here is simplified, Levels can be from 1-5 with something, Skills can evolve and change name instead of stacking up into several thousand useless skills. Class is what made it possible. If you want to craft you can apply it too by either going 1-2 crafting professions or Jack-Of-All-Trade which means everything.

For cultivation novels, I would also recommend going through different paths as most the translated ones include culture, ethnic ideology, and mindset. We can make it based on our cultures too for example including the Greek mythology and based on that we use it to build the story on how they used to be and how they became 'Gods'.

Sorry for the long reply again :smile:

      DKQ I had the same idea for using letters for attributes. And those things you've pointed out earlier they all made sense, which kinda enlightened me in the Path of Writing. Thanks for the help~

          Newbelist Glad it helped, something I would like to mention is before even starting the entire system novel is to think on how the main character will play part in the world or universe if you really want it to be that big.

          [Titles is a good yet bad thing, in the long run, let us say you are for example a hero? so we stick with that title or just let go of those titles once in for all. The neater your character sheet is, the easier it is for you as an author and us as readers]

              randomgal23 some points in the first chapter, I was lost, utterly lost until I started reading the comments which may or may not answered what I was thinking about. First of all, I would not judge based on the first 2 chapters as I have no idea what this is about. Second is the first chapter should be the synopsis as it is short (my weakness to reading novels) and it's quite amazingly tidy (to me). Third I would recommend answering some comments on the first chapter as this might leave someone to give you a bad review for reasons such as 'Badly planned' due to barely understanding the beauty of art you have created.

              After reading both chapters three times I will give you my basic summary:-

              Spoiler summary

              • The girl protagonist is special, either she is too powerful or contains something special
              • The world is a medieval world with complicated hierarchy system [Based on the protagonist full name and what is mention during the second chapter "Duke of Deatony"]
              • The idea of a sharpened hidden dagger intrigues me but as I said its still 2 chapters.
              • Rich female protagonist? That is quite great as we don't need to go through the getting rich process
              • Hated the part of her being hunted! cliffhanger kills me you know?!
              • You mentioned she is a phantomive? I am quite confused as I only know phantom which means a hidden entity of some sorts, let's say she is the secret WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) related to the family, wasn't it dumb for the father to search for her? So it means she also has problems within the family and she is somewhat dangerous to herself and others around her.

              This is just a part of what I understood but really the first chapter still confuses me, if it is your first novel then I applause to you for the amazing tidy yet complicated novel. This can become a mystery novel to some and a pain to others. I vote 4.0 out of 5 [First chapter -1] Will not review now but after you reach 50 chapters as I am a very bored person. Good luck and sorry if you hate me for this review :cry: Keep up the good work!

                  Cobyboy Hello friend!, let us first talk about the main issue which I talked about at the start of this thread, Text-walls. It was a good read learning about the history of the team members during the first chapter but reading the names and their achievements basically made me have some headache, as you are the author I would point this out first and even write an entire paragraph on why I excluded everything except this during the first chapter but before I even began let us go through the summary of the greatness of chapter 1 [Got me hyped!]

                  Spoiler Summary of chapter 1

                  • We have met the team, each member has his greatness and each has his weakness
                  • Modern type story [+1] Nothing complicated and all planned out
                  • Young protagonist (based on the gaming world) and old team members
                  • Reference usage of [The King's Avatar] made me happy
                  • Benefits of being young and having a quick reaction speed make the protagonist great
                  • The cliffhanger? well placed!

                  Text wall +/-

                  • Characters introduced [+]
                  • Why they hated the protagonist [+]
                  • Age and description of the team [+]
                  • Too much information to process in the long term [-]
                  • Side characters are given more than they deserve [-]
                  • Skipping through the description as I felt it was too much [-]

                  Let us keep it there as I really can't explain it further without reading the next few chapters. Where do I begin with the story itself, the idea is amazing as it involves game elements. We can go through this by breaking up the second chapter and going through the summary again! (Might have to start doing this normally :) )

                  Spoiler chapter 2

                  • Transmigration is a plot twist, and that caught me off guard
                  • Occupying another body with the owner of the body still there? You deserve a medal
                  • Cultivation world with 24 races, humans being the weakest among them
                  • Those side characters I mentioned for some reason failed to disappear (Tch) I smell a conspiracy
                  • Smart Protagonist that obtained a body of another race

                  Let us conclude the final 2 chapters into two parts, Retribution which mean the villains have been decided from the beginning of the story (Turns out those idiots became too powerful for their own good) and it also made the story a bit restorative (Instead of having a weak mc we are given an mc that can stand up to his own). This creates a balance between both sides and that is the most important thing in any novel.

                  For Definition of Retribution and Restorative :

                  • Retributive justice is a theory of justice that holds that the best response to a crime is a punishment proportional to the offense, inflicted because the offender deserves the punishment. Prevention of future crimes (deterrence) or rehabilitation of the offender is not considered in determining such punishments.
                  • Restorative justice is an approach to justice that personalizes the crime by having the victims and the offenders mediate a restitution agreement to the satisfaction of each, as well as involving the community.

                  Do not think about it too much as this is mostly academic materials, it's just the idea I had when I was reading the first two chapters. Wrote too much again sorry about that :cry: Good luck and keep up the good work

                      DKQ Hey man, any chance you'd check out my novel? I'm pretty happy with it, but the synopsis always has me cringing and I just can't make it better without giving out too many spoilers. My readers seem to like the story as I have received very little criticism, I just think that the synopsis doesn't make a lot of people interested in checking it out. The novel is:

                      https://www.webnovel.com/book/10344815206012705/Cultivating-Civilization

                      • DKQ replied to this.

                          DKQ thank you for you review XD im glad you've read it.... I'm actually planning to make it less confusing in the next chapter, probably a better understanding of what Caia really is... Sorry it was confusing XD Actually I placed it in the wrong genre and it is considered as a mystery/thriller genre... I will try my best to make it up till fifty chapter XD

                              thesleepywriter lol same with me. I just want to tries to give some explain and character way of thinking at beginning. I already said on my review at start my story will kinda full of monologue but will change be better after that. But yeah there someone fine eith that and someone no. And after I start the plot someone complains again I didn't put my mc and ml together in my ch. LoL.

                              Then someone give me bad review cuz they just read some of my ch like prologue, ch 1 and 3 said my grammar worse. Thay didn't even bother find out I said it from start my English not really good but I still learning. and the real readers notic that. They know my grammar messy and I found someone to help me fix it and now it more batter that before. But the haters didn't care...

                              Sometimes no matter what u do you, all u works will be like trash in someone eyes.

                                  DKQ Thank you so much for that thorough explanation <3 I'm loving every single suggestion you gave, thank you so much :)

                                      Kulha This is a true gem! Got addicted from the first chapter and forgot about the forums, first, let us talk about small mistakes such as commas and full stops, you seem to end sentences really fast such as the first chapter paragraph one, try to work on that because it can get annoying after 10 chapters. Let us begin with the summary of the first two chapters without going further (More people will be asking and I am sure I won't be able to answer them all if it stacks to a hundred)

                                      Spoiler summary Chapter 1-2

                                      • Ex-Soldier Protagonist (We are talking about modern world military which is a +)
                                      • Unfilial son and grandson (That pissed me off during the first chapter)
                                      • World war 3 explained in chapter 2 but barely any details on how it happened
                                      • Dying to a fish was the most hilarious thing I have seen +++
                                      • His History caught me off-guard yet it was well-planned which I love!

                                      I will keep the summary short as I need to discuss several mistakes which I talked about in this thread but before we start that I commend you for this great gem which is not only unique but also built up from a solid foundation where the protagonist died in his old age, had a family, bad love-life, went through a war and became a veteran. This is good planning because now you can allow the protagonist fight whenever he wants and he won't be bad at it, social skills would be great in the future, army-building elements can also be used, cybersecurity could be used if the terms are understood such as ways to protect yourself from entities that are harmful to you by drafting plans beyond the realm information level and using it against them. Let us go through the common mistakes you have and this is based on me being the reader.

                                      Tidy your paragraphs and sentences, Sometimes it is great to read this masterpiece but a phrase after another with a few actions done making you create a football team with the paragraph lines. (If you have several dialogues you should try to keep them in one instance instead of a few tens of them which might lead you to go back and forth with useless dialogue such as 49.95 money part which is... really?.

                                      Talking is too much, the male protagonist talks to his inner-self (us) and to others (in the novel) too much, to the point where I really wanted to slap him for going through the limit, chapter 1 is ok, chapter 2 is ok but if this continues where will you as an author be able to write action scenes? think about it.

                                      Finally is your length of the chapters, I went through 10 chapters and I felt bad for you as most the times a chapter should be 1000 words no less and no more. That should be your focus, you want to write more? then go for the volume plan and make each volume 15 chapters with 5k words each chapter. [Your first chapter 1.5k +, second 1.6k+ and so on]

                                      This is a summary based on a reader point of view and mistakes seen by me, anything I have said gives no reason for others to judge someone else works, this review is set to help and not hurt anyone, thank you and good luck with your work Max!

                                          DKQ Thanks for the feedback man, I'm glad you liked it! I'm planning to do a large edit once I finish the first volume and this will help a lot. I get what you mean with the dialogue, I try to use it to flesh out the characters (the money thing shows that Jack doesn't have much cash, but I get what you're saying and will reflect on it).

                                          English isn't my first language so I try to keep the grammar up to par, but I know that it will never be able to reach something that a professional editor would work on.

                                          I got used to writing 2k+ chapters now, don't know if I could shorten it, or how my readers would look at it, but I will try to make things more succinct.

                                          There isn't much action the beginning chapters because I'm trying to flesh out things more, my plan is to have a lot of action once the MC grows up so now I'm world building. I'm trying to think up ways to add more action all the time.

                                          Once more, thanks for your feedback man, it will help a lot. I hope you continue to enjoy my novel in your free time. If you get any more feedback please do post it in the comments, I read them all a few times a day.

                                          • DKQ replied to this.

                                              Newbelist For some reason I liked this one a lot, unique and has a flavor of gladiators, started off with a modern world where the male protagonist was just that depressed dude who didn't care for the world yet had filial pity to his mother. What makes confused is that the mother, I am a 100% sure she knew he was going to the future (People from his time were called ancients, from my guess we can conclude the world was either invaded by foreign monsters and that led to humanity survival which also returned the empire system within the world)

                                              Summary (Spoiler)

                                              • Modern-day > Future
                                              • Normal life > Life With System
                                              • Depressed protagonist
                                              • Smart Protagonist
                                              • System Novel
                                              • 1.4-1.5k words
                                              • Smooth entry to the novel
                                              • Little mistakes found in chapter 1 and 2 but it is readable

                                              Let us start with the mistakes on the first chapter, this will be something new that I will be doing in the future but it will be a more viable proof to the mistakes I have seen and how to fix it If i was in your place:-

                                              Your writing:
                                              "Alexander, are you awake? If you are, then prepare your things for the camp. And after that, come downstairs and eat breakfast," a shout from below broke through his headphones, despite the volume being max.

                                              My Writing:
                                              "Alexader, wake up!" A shout came from below, passing through his headphones "If you are awake then prepare yourself and your luggage for the upcoming camp !"

                                              Simple, clean and much more readable than a clump of information all at once. Probably the most common mistake I have seen in this novel (the 2 chapters) is this. Do not edit it out but fix it on the third chapter, also no idioms, advanced English phrases which will express the emotions of the male protagonist for example:

                                              Your writing:
                                              With his vision blurry, he wasn't able to move around much. He blinked a few times and then his red eyes looked around, scanned the surroundings and let out a sigh of relief.

                                              My Writing:
                                              While his vision was blurry and he was grief-stricken, he was Ambivalent about everything around him. Blinking a few times while looking around the surrounding, after a brief moment he let out a sigh of relief.

                                              This will need some work but the more you write, the more you learn which is a great thing. Good luck with the rest of the novel, it has been a great read so far :).

                                                  Kulha No worries, I am actually planning to catch up to chapter 40 tonight, hate it when I get addicted to reading sometimes. It is a great novel and I love it so far, do not think too much about my review as I am barely considered worthy of reviewing anything other than academic papers.

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